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Ever been made to believe you’re the problem because your opinions, choices, plans, ideas or decisions aren’t pleasing to the group you’re technically supposed to be a part of? It’s crazy how controlling, narcissistic cult like groups will begin to work hard to try and destroy you when you step up and speak your mind. What’s wrong with you speaking your truth? Why’s that so upsetting to some people?

There’s something wrong with a group of people who get upset with you when you’re no longer willing to lie or give political responses and instead say what you believe. There’s something dark about people who get mad and try to bully and shun you when you no longer tolerate their control and abuse. When you begin to see the way some groups use their control to oppress and dominate and then you make a decision that you’re no longer interested. When you decide you are going to start unashamedly thinking for yourself and that if saying yes to them makes you dishonor your own spirit, that you don’t choose to give away that power anymore. This is when you will inevitably be called the devil. You’ll be the one who needs to be talked to. They’ll get together and discuss you as if talking to you is sooo hard. Controllers always work hard to make you seem unreasonable for having a different opinion than theirs. Don’t let them manipulate you. I believe they do this because they have to gang up on you. They are utterly powerless without “support” to do whatever they have to do and they lack integrity when it comes to their agenda. The flying monkeys aka puppets they have under their hypnotic power will try to use their charm to get you alone so they can talk “some sense into you.” This is nothing more than gaslighting. Gaslighting is a technique often used by narcissistic people who love to manipulate and make other people feel like they’re wrong for standing up to their abuse. Don’t fall for it. Stand your ground.

What’s so wrong with people having their own ideas and perspectives anyway? What’s wrong with approaching your life the way you feel is best? Nothing, unless you are trying to break free from a cult or a cult like family, Mother, father, church, group or community,… The whole idea of freethinking and being an individual with creativity and passion for experiencing your own life in your own way is often frowned upon by people connected to narcissistic thinking. Usually, the narcissistic family strongly believes that their image and reputation is more important than the self esteem, support and love of the person they have all of this “concern” for. Most of these people are actually more concerned about how they’re going to be perceived if you don’t do the right things with your life. Selfish agenda! They seem to feel that you owe them your undying allegiance and compliance in life without question. Don’t involve financial support in the equation, then they use that to make you even more of a slave to their control and abuse.

They ultimately believe they know what’s best for you, above God or anyone or anything else. They pretty much feel like their expectations and their expertise need to be followed to a T. They have a superiority complex and their grandiose ideas about who they are will often be projected onto you. They feel as though they own you and you are a piece of property they have acquired. This is how they can discard you and treat you so poorly when you don’t agree with or go along with their plans for your life. It is a form of domestic violence but often covert abusers say a lot of harmful things and follow it with statements like “I’m only saying this because I love you, I only want the best for you, blah blah blah,….

These control freaks believe in their minds that they have somehow sacrificed so much for you, so this makes you now obligated to do whatever they think you should do. This is why you have to go to their alma mater. You’re obligated to wear their hand me down wedding dress, stay at the family church, pledge the same fraternity or sorority and the list goes on and on. Most people, until they grow up and become secure and self differentiated, have this unreasonable desire to please their parents which is why they go along to with their often outrageous demands and will even convince themselves that “mother, father, community knows best.” These same individuals who drink the kool aid end up going along to get along and unfortunately grow old, bitter and resentful because they actually never did anything they wanted.

Some of you today are fully invested in careers, businesses, relationships and pursuits that you hate and the only reason you’re knee deep in doing what you’re doing is because someone you wanted to please told you to do it. Sure, you asked for their advice, but that doesn’t mean you had to take it, does it? Some of you didn’t ask for their advice, but you shared your plans with them because you care too much about what they think. Why do you need their agreement with so much of your life plans is the real question? Why are you still needing to share your every move with them and then you get upset when they tell you they think you should do something else? Stop looking for them to give you the green light on every single decision you have to make. This is cult like thinking. You’re so drenched in this model that it’s going to take some time for you unlearn this and stop looking for them to say they approve or not. Most of what you’re trying to avoid when you look for their involvement and approval is the rejection or the shunning that takes place when you become a self defined person.

It’s scary but can I tell you that it’s necessary for you to live out your life’s purpose on this flight called life. Cults don’t let people fly. As a matter of fact they thrive on keeping people in their place! You’re not meant to live in a box. Break away from the controllers. Break away from the people who only want you in their life if you’re a yes person controlled by the system they identify with. Be free! That is when you’ll begin to soar and go to destinations you never thought possible. Get free from the opinions of people and go to your next level!

Copyright ©️ Sherry Grant 2019

#therealestlifecoach #travel #leavethecult #leavingthecult #freefromcontrol #groupthinking #mindset #individual #flying #destination #blog #blogger #cultsdontletpeoplefly

Validation: the recognition or affirmation that a person or their feelings or opinions are valid or worthwhile.

This is one of the reasons many people never take off in life and even if it seems that they have, psychologically they really don’t go anywhere great because they don’t feel validated! I know, you don’t need anyone’s validation right? Wrong! You do. This is why you get upset when you don’t feel seen or accepted by certain people. It’s because you want their approval. Admit it. You do. But here’s the problem, even after they give it to you, you want more. Wanting validation is a trap. It’s never enough until you resolve you are enough.

See, you could have all the credentials in the world and look good on paper, but a resume is still just a resume. Who you are and who you believe you are is really an inside job. Most people never really take off because no matter how much validation they get, they never really believe it. Then there is this constant need for it, this unending need to feel needed. This insatiable appetite for more affirmation and acceptance, this is how you know you still need to work through some issues. Like seriously, I can see if you’re a young child or even a teenager; you do need affirmation. When a person is growing up they need more emotional support and affirmation than a healthy adult should. I have two adult children and a teenager and the amount of attention and praise and encouragement I give my teenager is substantial to what my adult children receive from me and that’s absolutely appropriate! In the event an “adult” is upset because they’re not being praised or encouraged as much as a child is, this is an indicator that the adult needs an adjustment in their perspective of what’s reasonable versus what’s unreasonable support.

I’ve never seen a healthy adult get upset on an airplane when the flight crew gives a child access to the pilot and even those complimentary “wings” they hand out to them as a way of encouraging them and making them feel comfortable on their flight. This is what all of us who are older and more experienced in life and mature are supposed to do for others. We should be helping give people their “wings” and supporting them on this flight called life. We give out wings when we love without strings. When we go out of our way to show kindness and grace. We give out wings when we pray for and encourage others. We shouldn’t ever feel jealous or envious when we see someone getting wings. We shouldn’t make it about us and ever feel some kind of way when someone else is being affirmed or validated. Made me think about how it was when I was growing up a Preachers kid in church. While we were (my brothers and I) the ones who were always there, we didn’t always get affirmed when we should have because the idea behind it was “let’s not make anyone else feel bad.” But shouldn’t we be free to applaud those who are doing significant things instead of worrying about offending those who aren’t? In school they give out grades according to what you earn, not focusing on making underachievers feel good about their lack of excellence.

This is why I refuse to minimize impactful people or dim the light on greatness to protect the self esteem of people who aren’t making the same effort. Life’s not like that. You don’t get to live in the same house as someone who’s working harder than you. I mean hopefully not. The point is, it’s unfair to create an environment that places MVP and Allstar effort at the same level as benchwarmers. They don’t do it in the NBA, NFL, Music Industry, Corporate world, why should you do it all anywhere either? Celebrate greatness! Applaud excellence in others the same way you want it done for you. Wouldn’t you be ticked if you did six figure work and got paid minimum wage money? Apply the same level of principle to others as you want for yourself. This is not a daycare. This is life and the flight is so much more enjoyable when we stop pretending we don’t want to soar!

Copyright ©️ Sherry Grant 2019

#therealestlifecoach #goingplaces #travel #takeoff #people #mentality #mindset #blogger #blog #validation #wantvalidation

Airlines are responsible for helping people travel to their desired destination. They are huge companies made up of a lot of people and departments that help the whole system run smoothly. If you wanted to discuss something about the ticket you just purchased, you wouldn’t go to the baggage claim department for that. If you wanted to speak with someone about how dissatisfied you were with the meal you ate on the plane, it certainly wouldn’t be the same people who run the airport or the parking at the airport.

The point I’m making is that many of you are doing this sort of thing as you travel through life and it’s ridiculous. You’re talking to the wrong people about your issues. One of the most baffling things to observe is a person talking to everyone except the very person they need to talk to when they’re upset. How does that make sense? How does that resolve anything? As a matter fact, let’s be honest and recognize that most of the people who operate this way don’t want to come to a healthy resolution. Instead they want to be right. Let’s be real, this is all about ego. Then it turns into an all out smear campaign against someone you’re offended with who most of the time doesn’t even know or care. Let’s call a spade a spade. If you’re really upset and want to see a situation settled and cleared up, the last thing you would do is jump to a bunch of conclusions and make awful accusations before you speak to the person you’re angry with. In the same way, you wouldn’t go talk to someone in a department who has nothing to do with your issue! Would you? Would that fix anything?

Much of the drama and confusion I see when it comes to the people I know who have the potential to go great places is simply a matter of maturity. Yep! I said it. It’s infantile behavior. This concept of going great places is a matter of having more than book smarts. You’re going to have to up your emotional IQ and learn how to speak to the people you need to speak to calmly, respectfully and directly. You’re going to have to open up your mouth and have difficult conversations without being rude and disrespectful. You’re going to have to get alone with yourself and confront the ratchet, abnormal, disgusting, duplicitous and condescending attitude you have before you can confront other people on their issues. It really is a character issue that’s keeping you from taking off. And if you can’t understand how dysfunctional it is to handle simple trivial situations different than the ways you currently do, you my friend are the main problem. Check your environment and the people who help you stay immature. People who don’t have the courage to tell you that you’re acting like a child and that this conversation needs to stop here. Even when you call a company with an issue, they’ll ask you a few questions to determine where your call needs to be directed. Some of you need people in your life who aren’t afraid to tell you “this conversation needs to be had with another department!” Tell these drama queens and chaotic kings who want to pull you into their mess, this needs to be a discussion between you and your mom and your dad. This conversation needs to be directed to your coworker Bob, not me. This conversation needs to be had with your sister or brother. Tell them they’re complaining to the wrong department.

If you’re ever going to enjoy this journey called life, you’ve got to stop allowing yourself to be the unofficial complaint department. If you’re not careful, you will get a reputation for being messy, untrustworthy and two faced. You will undoubtedly be considered part of the problem if you keep entertaining the issues of others that have nothing to do with you. Sitting around listening to a bunch of stupid opinions and emotional issues and you’re hardly the one qualified to give out the right revelation for these matters. But you’re drawn to stuff that you can relate to so that’s how you know this is above your pay grade. Some of you know you’re above your head entrenched in mess and if you don’t unlearn this unhealthy way of “being there for people,” you’re going to create an even bigger mess. You will look around and have you a bunch of negative people comfortable coming to you with garbage on a regular basis. My advice is simple; MIND YOUR BUSINESS. All that stuff you need to clean up in your own life, now you know you are dead wrong getting wrapped up in someone else’s drama. Work on yourself. Send them right over to another department. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you need to be a open garbage can for them to dump on you. Most of the stuff we say when we’re upset is downright stupid anyway. It’s irrational and silly. That’s why you’ve got to learn where to take your complaints!

King David, the writer of many complaints aka psalms or songs in the Bible said “When my heart is overwhelmed lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” He was talking about The Lord! Whatever you consider to be higher than you, go there when you’re in a bad state. Don’t go low. Go high. Go to someone who is going to help you think better. Go to the doctor, therapist, teacher, preacher, counselor. Don’t go to people who are just as childish and carnal as you and expect Godly wisdom. I ask you to even consider making prayer the first place you go when you’re confused and upset. Before you got to social media and throw off your subliminal messages to the people you’re made at, talk to God. Before you go to people who love you who are hugely responsible for your emotional instability because they’re always the first to defend your mess, talk to God. And after you do that, maybe then you’ll have cooled down and have enough insight and sense not to ruin another good relationship. The right complaint department is more than able to handle your complaints.

Copyright ©️ Sherry Grant 2019

#therealestlifecoach #travel #people #takeoff #mentality #mindset #blog #goingplaces #blogger #department #go

The last flight I was on I was super hungry! I remember it vividly, probably because I’m hungry right now and didn’t have breakfast. On that last flight I was on with my Eddie I was starving. My stomach was growling. I was irritated and annoyed, extremely hungry. I was so hungry I got angry. I think they call that HANGRY.

Even though I was on a wonderful trip to a destination I wanted to travel to, my enjoyment was on pause because I had neglected to take care of a very important personal need. Feeding my hunger was and is my responsibility! Sometimes we get mad at other people for not feeding us, but unless we are little children who rely on our parents to feed us, we need to grow up and do what’s necessary to feed our own needs. That’s a whole message, but let me stay on track.

This entire idea of traveling HANGRY got me to thinking about how many people are doing the same thing through life. Are you guilty of tripping because you may be HANGRY? Going to work snapping on people because you didn’t eat before you got there. Are you in the habit of leaving home hungry and as a result always short tempered, angry and frustrated?? See, I’m not even limiting this to the natural food we eat, but maybe many of you or the difficult people around you are depressed, anxious, moody and upset all the time because of simply missing out on feeding their spirit, body and soul. You could be spiritually malnourished and even be faithful when it comes to reading your Bible and going to church and praying. That just makes you religious and HANGRY, but if you were being fed from the right source or motivation, you would be full and complete. But if you’re not in agreement in your daily thought life and habits and what you feed your inner man, you may be unable to digest what’s needed for you to stop being HANGRY all the time! Can I get an Amen?!

I got the chance to keep a little baby I love for a few hours the other day and she takes formula from a bottle, but she was smashing those French fries I was sneaking her. And what’s even more interesting is, her brothers said she napped a lot longer than she normally does; and I know it was because she was full off of more than milk. Preach! Some of you are full of it but not full of the right things. You’ll be surprised how much better everything and everyone in your life would be if you got FULL.

So many people are starving in the area of wisdom, substance and depth and they think they need to pretend to be smart and know everything. Someone needs to come along and tell them that it’s ok to be honest and admit you don’t know it all. Pride will keep you HANGRY. Let’s be honest, all of us are lacking in some area. Some people are starved in the area of self esteem and think that the more attention they get from external sources the better off they’ll be. They seek likes on social media and applause from the crowd to fill their void. Maybe these same people overachieve to try and gain more acceptance and approval and yet they still are easily wounded and offended by every little thing. Maybe the more degrees or credentials they get and the more accomplishments they have they think they’ll be better off only to be disappointed that it’s still not enough. It’s like having destination addiction. People who have this addiction are HANGRY all the time and they seem to believe that WHEN THEY GET “THERE” then and only then will they experience real happiness.

Newsflash: If you can’t find contentment where you are today, no amount of money, fame, or success will make you feel complete. Actor Jim Carey who has been very open and vocal about his struggles with mental health said “I wish everyone got all the money, success and fame they dreamed of, so they could see that it’s still not enough.” That’s deep and so good. I really hope some of you catch that.

Can I tell my real life coachable friends that as of today- you are enough! That nothing you do is going to make you valuable when you already are! And until you believe that you will think you need to acquire more stuff on the outside to enjoy peace on the inside. But here’s the hard truth; peace is an inside job. It’s not your spouses job. It’s not your children’s job or family or friends. It’s not the job of anyone else to bring you peace. You’ve got to feed yourself a diet that keeps you FULL and from always becoming upset and HANGRY! It’s not your therapist or pastors job to do the work that are responsible for. And what you’ve got to reconcile in your heart and mind is that peace is your right and it’s your job to find it and keep it. You must pursue peace more than you pursue things and acceptance from man.

It’s all a matter of what you’re hungry for. If you’re hungry for the right things you won’t live this life HANGRY.

Stop traveling HANGRY! You will have such a different life when you unlearn your chaotic way of thinking and chase after the right things.

Copyright ©️ Sherry Grant 2019

#therealestlifecoach #blogger #blog #hangry #choices #peace #travel #contentment #pursuit #destination #mentality #mindset #people #maturity

There’s nothing like having support and encouragement around you. As a leader and someone responsible for vision, plans and inspiration; having support can literally make the difference in a person or movement taking off or crashing and burning. I am not saying a person or vision can’t soar without the assistance or support of outside forces, but the probability of something going somewhere great and it being enjoyable has a lot to do with the right people coming on board.

This is a reflective season for me where I’m evaluating my life and the people in it. I’m taking an honest assessment when it comes to the things I have leadership over and the “team” that’s working with me. Asking myself is this really a supportive team? Do the people assembled actually care and are they emotionally intelligent enough to partner with me in moving a vision forward? Do I get encouragement in return for the constant encouragement, hope and vision I give out? These are always end of year questions I have to ask myself before entering into a new year.

See, vision can be overwhelming. Ask any visionary and they’ll tell you, a vision is only as amazing as the people giving it legs. The legs or the support of a vision has to be intentional and purposeful. When it’s not, everything can become routine and dry and that can be exhausting. Especially when the visionary is trying to remain creative, organized, encouraged and focused. This is why the right support is so important. If the demands of moving a team and vision aren’t supported by people with a good attitude and maturity level that helps to keep it authentic and still fun and enjoyable, the trip will undoubtedly become a TRIP.

It occurred to me that I’m often super excited and focused on making things happen and then when some of the people who say they’re with me during different seasons but aren’t really with me, when they show up; the life and morale in the room lessens, enthusiasm dwindles and overall plans seem to shut down and lose steam. That is until I reset and make whatever necessary adjustments within my mind and spirit to push forward and remind myself this is my burden! This is my vision. This is my idea and dream and I’m responsible for it staying alive. That’s a powerful place to come to. Where I basically say that there are no negative, dry, uninspired people powerful enough to make me feel like giving up on me and my dreams and goals!

This is what I want to encourage you with today! The dreams and plans you have are worth being supported. And you shouldn’t have to beg people to come alongside you and work with you. As a matter of fact when they’re the right people, their motives will be pure and they will help you and not discourage you. Sometimes, we just have to see the heart of people when things are not complete yet. We need to see who respects us before we become a public success. We need to find out who really believes in and trust our vision before the world does. We need to see who claps for us before the crowds do and then we can truly move forward and appreciate the authentic team that’s really there to support us for real, for real.

Sadly, there are many people who will never be able to genuinely support or encourage someone else’s plans. Those are not your people. This is definitely not your dream team. This is a season of developing greater courage within when you have a wishy washy, indifferent, aloof group of people gathered around your hearts plans. While it may give you some sense of support having people present when you share your ideas, I’m learning that it’s better to have the right ones and not just settle for warm bodies there! I’d much rather have true people who support me than people filling up space with no life and no joy! My goal is to have people around me who leap with joy when they hear vision! That what’s in them comes to life when they connect with what’s in me!

Whether you’re a Christian or not, this story in the Bible is appropriate for this discussion. It’s when Mary, Jesus’ mother and Elizabeth the mother of John reunite. They are both expecting their sons at the same time. and when John’s mother greets Jesus’ mother; the baby John leaped in his mother’s womb! WOW! That’s the kind of team members I want! That we ignite and excite one another! I don’t want to always be the one encouraging and trying to bring hope and enthusiasm!!

This story got me excited because it’s basically showing that it’s possible for people to be happy for you and what’s going on in your life! That Elizabeth’s unborn son gets excited about Jesus before he even arrives! John would be one of the greatest supporters of Jesus later in life, but this is proof that he was always excited about him! Before he was even born he was jumping and clapping for him. That’s support! I’m learning to keep my plans or my ideas when they’re not fully together or developed to myself until I can find people like Elizabeth! You should do the same!

Don’t share your heart with people who don’t light up when you’re in their presence. This is not to be conceited or arrogant, but it’s whack to have to lessen your enthusiasm and passion because people around you don’t have any. Some people are only happy when it’s their plans or ideas. But when you find people who are sincerely happy for what’s going on with and in you, you found the right friends. They’re not supporting you from a half hearted posture. They’re as happy for you as they are for what’s inside of them! I make an effort to be that for many and I’m blessed to have support and be a support. How about you?

Copyright ©️ Sherry Grant 2019

#therealestlifecoach #people #travel #mindset #trip #goingplaces #emotionalintelligence #mindset #mentality #takeoff #blog #blogger #perspective #support #supportive #leap #passion #dry #enthusiastic

Most airlines or better yet successful companies welcome feedback from their customers. They want to know what people have to say about their experience flying with them, traveling with them, shopping with them. Not so they can hear nothing but happy reviews, but for the obvious reason – they want to see how they can IMPROVE. When was the last time you sat down and thought about the many ways you can improve your life? Well?!! When was it? Most people hate this kind of stuff because it requires work. You confronting your laziness, when was the last time you did that? You being real with yourself about how you’re really your worse enemy. See, only a delusional person would think they are so wonderful that they don’t need to keep making things better. It should be that we are always pushing ourselves to think better especially when it comes to our lives, our integrity and reputation. We should constantly be looking for ways to grow and become more excellent. The average person is looking for ways to do the least possible. To put forth the minimal effort in everything. Are you guilty of trying to slide and coast through life? If you can’t even admit it, there’s no use in you even reading anymore of this.

I’m sick of people claiming growth and they don’t want to try anything but eat sleep and play! It’s pitiful. When do you plan on getting serious about your goals? Unfortunately, we live in such a narcissistic culture today where people are quick to label feedback and criticism as hate. Stop calling everyone your hater! Most of the people you call haters don’t like you because you think you’re better than you are and they probably see how you could be something if you weren’t so full of yourself. It’s sad. No one can say anything to many people these days. Everyone is so fixed on claiming their independence and their right be stupid. I hope no one ever loves me enough to lie to me. I don’t want anyone feeling as if they have to sit back and watch me make a fool of myself and not speak up. Whether it’s uncomfortable or not, I want to know. Especially since I demand accountability from the people in my life. I don’t just welcome it, I open myself up to be challenged and critiqued on a regular basis. I need this information because I want to be able to handle MORE. I want to be trusted with more responsibility so I have to religiously evaluate my own way of thinking and living.

I am determined to see the results of a life well lived and I know it won’t happen with me taking a casual approach to my own elevation. I need everything in my life working at the maximum capacity if I ever plan on getting “there.” And trust me I do plan on making it to the place that matches my destiny!!!

Copyright ©️ Sherry Grant 2019

#therealestlifecoach #travel #blog #blogger #mentality #takeoff #challengeme #holdmeaccountable #feedback #growth #mindset #people #places #evaluateyourself #excuses

When some people talk about their plans you know they’re going somewhere amazing. I have a good girl friend who always goes on the most amazing trips. I’m talking exotic places! She travels far distances and that seriously inspires me! That’s just one of the things that I absolutely love about my sister friend. I call her #travelgoals!

Got me to thinking how important it is to think BIG in life! The same way she makes big plans for travel, I want to do that in life too! See, some people have such pitiful plans for their lives it’s the opposite of inspiring to watch the way they travel through their daily life. People living with such low self esteem and so many issues they won’t resolve; they can’t even think of going anywhere in life except trying to relive and replay the same old experiences over and over again. That’s a depressing way to live. Having such a dim view on life that your only excitement is based on your past. My real life coachable friends are not at all living this way. Instead, they are like my good girl friend. You guys are going great places too! You’re not limiting your life to your past. You’re not constantly trying to dream of ways to repeat history, but instead your vision for life is fresh. It’s open to new places and people. You’re not so Co-Dependent and enmeshed in your involvement with people that you can’t think for yourself. You’re not so absorbed in cult family living and you will not allow people who demand lifelong loyalty to you to control your life. You realize this is your life and you can live it without their approval and affirmation. You are independent. You’re a free thinker. You’re not trying to please people while ignoring your own needs and plans for destiny!!!!

I’m inspired by you when you think big like my good friend. When you step outside the box and dream about going somewhere you’ve never been, that reminds me why I’m connected to you. It’s easy for some people to play it safe, but not you. You are different. You’re courageous. You’re not controlled by fear and anxiety. See, it takes no special effort to down play your hopes and dreams. Any person with an average mindset can play it small. You my friend are not average! You’re an exception. That’s why your business is not an average business. Your marriage is not stuck in a rut. It’s exceptional, because your mentality is one that’s up for the challenge. Your home is not just some ordinary place to come home to. You make it extraordinary! You make it look and feel like a luxurious getaway so when you go anywhere else, your standards are far from average.

Copyright ©️ Sherry Grant 2019

#therealestlifecoach #travel #destination #exoticplaces #aboveaverage #far #great #exceptional #amazing #up #mentality #mindset #people #places #blogger #blog

I’ve flown on many different airlines in my life and not once have they made me feel bad about not always flying with them. They actually are happy when they see me and genuinely appreciate me whenever they see me coming. When I fly on other airlines they don’t cut off relationship with me. I still get their emails. They keep the lines of communication open even when I’m doing something else. Wish I could say the same thing about some relationships. Let me explain. There is this idea that you can come and go freely in most relationships and situations, but recently I’ve noticed some take serious offense when you don’t fly with them. When you don’t go along with everything they say and do, they get upset with you. When you make the executive decision to come and go as you please in settings. When you decide to be friends with people they don’t like. When you make the choice to say no to things they think you should always say yes to. It literally has made me feel like I’m experiencing everything a person goes through when they come out of a cult.

I said it! I’m coming out of these cult-ish situationships. See, you’re in a cult when there is a misplaced or excessive admiration for a particular person or thing. And so, anyone who’s demanding excessive or misplaced admiration from you, is asking of you more than is required for a healthy relationship. It’s toxic and I know you may not look at this way but it is. If you have people in your life who expect blind loyalty from you and don’t allow you to think for yourself, you’re in a cult. Your family could be cult-ish. Your church could be cult-ish. Your friend circle could be cult-ish. Your job could be cult-ish. Recently, someone I counsel has been trying to focus more on their goals and has a group of “friends” guilt tripping them for not responding to their constant and if you asked me excessive text messages and demands. When I told this person they’re coming out of a cult, they said no way! But after I explained it, they admitted that’s exactly what they were going through.

The reason I know this so well is because I’ve been experiencing the same thing for quite some time. Removing myself from suffocating circles of people who shun you when you don’t comply with their expectations. That’s how you know you have been drinking the “Kool Aid.” It’s hard to believe that many of us are guilty of blindly going along with unhealthy demands and obligations. Many of you are currently stuck in a FOG (feelings of guilt) even reading this blog. Your relationships mute your ability to be transparent and authentic. You’re constantly allowing the voices of people you subconsciously want to please to control your life. You have literally lost your desire to dream and live. What happened to your excitement and your enthusiasm for life? What about your voice? What happened to your passion and drive? You are in a sunken place and the clanking of the teacup has you hypnotized. This slave like way of living and being connected to people is not healthy. This is why I made the choice to break free from censorship and the opinions of others and speak my mind. This is why I made the courageous decision to think for myself. This is why I made the choice to go where I want to go, live the way I want to live. Because living any other way is a sure recipe for depression and sadness. See, even though you may be experiencing some serious cognitive dissonance reading this, you know you’re not being true to yourself. If you are a whole grown man or woman who is stuck in a rut taking phone calls on your free time from people you don’t want to talk to, this is for you. If you are constantly giving yourself pep talks just to build up the heart to go into social settings you hate, come out of the cult. This CULT- URE and it’s toxic mentality is not going to change, so you have to. Stop going places just because you feel like you have to. Come up out this emotional black hole you’ve succumbed to when it comes to your freedom.

Consider me the Harriet Tubman of your emotional well being. Run. Go. Leave. It doesn’t mean you don’t still have love for those people,.. maybe you do. But love yourself enough to make your freedom a priority. Maybe it’s time for you to withdraw for a bit so you can gain some independence and learn what it means to think for YOURSELF. Shucks, many of you probably don’t even know what that means if you’ve been controlled by all the voices and expectations of the people you’ve given so much authority to. The harder it is for you to remove yourself from the approval and acceptance of the people you deem important, the deeper you’re in it my friend.

If you’re feeling all anxious and concerned about what “they’re” going to say about you and what “they’re” going to think about you; you are definitely coming out of a very cult-ish situation. Prepare to be talked about, shunned, persistently avoided and rejected. You will be labeled rebellious and crazy because you don’t allow “them” to control you anymore. The good news is you’re on your way to a new destination! You’re going somewhere and the best is yet to come for you!!!!

Copyright ©️ 2019 Sherry Grant

#therealestlifecoach #travel #takeoff #comingoutofacult #run #go #harriettubman #befree #inyourlife #inyouremotions #perspective #blog #blogger #freedom #liberty

There’s more people on the ground than in the air! Now that’s a word right there! Think about it. More people are content walking than those who have made it their business to fly! Let’s be real, not everyone wants to be an eagle. Eagles fly alone and that is probably the biggest reason many of you are not going the places you have the potential to go. It’s sad watching people more invested in staying low to keep the company they are accustomed to than waving goodbye to complacency and laziness.

This is pretty much a wake up call for you if you know you’re supposed to be doing more than what you’ve become so content doing. Going to work. Coming home. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. That’s not the life you dreamed of. What has gotten into you? Why are you so tied to this mentality that has you missing out on opportunities? And you wonder why you struggle with sadness, anxiety and depression? It’s simply because you know better. At this point I’m just about done trying to pull you up out of this Black hole you’ve settled in. And you know that I’m not the only one. Everyone sensible around you has stopped trying too. You’re not acting like yourself. Snap out of it and get away from those people who make you feel comfortable being lazy. I said it to my class last night. “Be yourself” is some of the worse advice anyone could have ever given some of you. I’m not trying to be rude but frankly you’re the problem. There I said it. It’s true. You are way too easy on yourself. Or if you aren’t you’re on the total opposite end of the spectrum constantly beating yourself up and playing the victim instead of stepping up your game and changing those negative habits you have. Some of you are guilty of making way too many excuses for yourself. You give too much grace to yourself when you should actually be doing some work. Whether you’re a Christian or not there’s a scripture in the Bible that’s perfect for this scenario and for you. It says “Faith without works is dead.” Can I get a witness?!

That simply means you need to do something other than what you’ve been doing! Seriously! Stop talking and making yourself believe you make sense. You don’t. Stop being loyal to people who are only helping to encourage you to be average. Get up and find your motivation. Do something about this rut you’ve acknowledged that you’re in. Today is the beginning of a new day for you if you will make the necessary adjustments in YOUR LIFE! You owe it to yourself to try. Please stop making the ridiculous excuses you’ve been making and do something that catapults you into a new level!

Copyright ©️ Sherry Grant 2019

#therealestlifecoach #goingplaces #travel #destiny #challenge #aboveaverage #takeoff #people #mentality #mindset

Today I woke up late; on purpose. It was necessary. I had to do this for me. I was exhausted and so in need of a mental health day. So that’s what I did. I took some time for me. That’s why I titled this blog “No Flights Out This Morning.”

This has become an important way of life for me; deciding what I want and more importantly what I need and honoring my wants and needs. Not in a self sabotaging way, but with the utmost respect for what’s best for me and everyone around me. Shucks. Who would I be fooling? Running off of steam, burnt out and tired as a dog,… I would make the most miserable company and probably be very unproductive if I decided to ignore my body and mind. Who needs me showing up half alive? Partially functioning. Who needs me being physically present but checked out in every other way? No one! Get that out of your head that you need to keep on living like this! Like a robot. Stop faking your way through life, pretending to be all in your relationships when you’re not. Stop acting like you’re going somewhere when you’re not even emotionally present. You’ve got to prepare your life for a successful take off. That’s the only way you’re really going places!

Many of us are so used to trying to please other people that it’s easily possible to ignore yourself and forget that you’re a real person with needs and wants. Repeat after me; I AM A REAL PERSON. Now do me a favor and stop trying to be Superman! Take the cape off and do something for you! Do something that you want for a change. This is how you change the narrative. Your life will shift when you stop saying you know your worth and living your life in a way that demonstrates that to the world.

Don’t keep on a destructive path by caring for everyone except your own heart. You’ve got to be diligent when it comes to your life. If not, you’ll lose yourself trying to love everyone else. Today is the day for you to come home and do something you want. Today is the day that you make the decision to stop doing things you hate. Stop spending time with people you can’t stand. Just stop it. Be honest with yourself and cut the crap. If you keep living your life in this very fraudulent way you’re never going to enjoy this journey. The goal is authenticity. Who are you? If you could sum up yourself in three words what would you say? What do you enjoy? Who are the people you enjoy spending time with? I know these might seem like silly questions. But they aren’t. These are important questions because they’re about you! Incredible you. Creative you. Talented you! In case you forgot, you have something to offer the world, but if you’ve become consumed with things that aren’t helping you soar; you’re robbing us all of the gift you are.

This is your Monday Wake Up Call! It doesn’t matter if you woke up late. So what if you didn’t take off this morning. Maybe you needed to sleep in and rest up from all the things you’ve done to help other people. But today is a great day to start something that helps you get closer to your goals and dream destination. Ready. Set. Go!

Copyright ©️ 2019 Sherry Grant

#therealestlifecoach #goingplaces #takeoff #monday #morning #early #late #blog #destination #flight #mentality