I’ve flown on many different airlines in my life and not once have they made me feel bad about not always flying with them. They actually are happy when they see me and genuinely appreciate me whenever they see me coming. When I fly on other airlines they don’t cut off relationship with me. I still get their emails. They keep the lines of communication open even when I’m doing something else. Wish I could say the same thing about some relationships. Let me explain. There is this idea that you can come and go freely in most relationships and situations, but recently I’ve noticed some take serious offense when you don’t fly with them. When you don’t go along with everything they say and do, they get upset with you. When you make the executive decision to come and go as you please in settings. When you decide to be friends with people they don’t like. When you make the choice to say no to things they think you should always say yes to. It literally has made me feel like I’m experiencing everything a person goes through when they come out of a cult.
I said it! I’m coming out of these cult-ish situationships. See, you’re in a cult when there is a misplaced or excessive admiration for a particular person or thing. And so, anyone who’s demanding excessive or misplaced admiration from you, is asking of you more than is required for a healthy relationship. It’s toxic and I know you may not look at this way but it is. If you have people in your life who expect blind loyalty from you and don’t allow you to think for yourself, you’re in a cult. Your family could be cult-ish. Your church could be cult-ish. Your friend circle could be cult-ish. Your job could be cult-ish. Recently, someone I counsel has been trying to focus more on their goals and has a group of “friends” guilt tripping them for not responding to their constant and if you asked me excessive text messages and demands. When I told this person they’re coming out of a cult, they said no way! But after I explained it, they admitted that’s exactly what they were going through.
The reason I know this so well is because I’ve been experiencing the same thing for quite some time. Removing myself from suffocating circles of people who shun you when you don’t comply with their expectations. That’s how you know you have been drinking the “Kool Aid.” It’s hard to believe that many of us are guilty of blindly going along with unhealthy demands and obligations. Many of you are currently stuck in a FOG (feelings of guilt) even reading this blog. Your relationships mute your ability to be transparent and authentic. You’re constantly allowing the voices of people you subconsciously want to please to control your life. You have literally lost your desire to dream and live. What happened to your excitement and your enthusiasm for life? What about your voice? What happened to your passion and drive? You are in a sunken place and the clanking of the teacup has you hypnotized. This slave like way of living and being connected to people is not healthy. This is why I made the choice to break free from censorship and the opinions of others and speak my mind. This is why I made the courageous decision to think for myself. This is why I made the choice to go where I want to go, live the way I want to live. Because living any other way is a sure recipe for depression and sadness. See, even though you may be experiencing some serious cognitive dissonance reading this, you know you’re not being true to yourself. If you are a whole grown man or woman who is stuck in a rut taking phone calls on your free time from people you don’t want to talk to, this is for you. If you are constantly giving yourself pep talks just to build up the heart to go into social settings you hate, come out of the cult. This CULT- URE and it’s toxic mentality is not going to change, so you have to. Stop going places just because you feel like you have to. Come up out this emotional black hole you’ve succumbed to when it comes to your freedom.
Consider me the Harriet Tubman of your emotional well being. Run. Go. Leave. It doesn’t mean you don’t still have love for those people,.. maybe you do. But love yourself enough to make your freedom a priority. Maybe it’s time for you to withdraw for a bit so you can gain some independence and learn what it means to think for YOURSELF. Shucks, many of you probably don’t even know what that means if you’ve been controlled by all the voices and expectations of the people you’ve given so much authority to. The harder it is for you to remove yourself from the approval and acceptance of the people you deem important, the deeper you’re in it my friend.
If you’re feeling all anxious and concerned about what “they’re” going to say about you and what “they’re” going to think about you; you are definitely coming out of a very cult-ish situation. Prepare to be talked about, shunned, persistently avoided and rejected. You will be labeled rebellious and crazy because you don’t allow “them” to control you anymore. The good news is you’re on your way to a new destination! You’re going somewhere and the best is yet to come for you!!!!
Copyright ©️ 2019 Sherry Grant
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