I’ve been on a sabbatical! Yep! While helping others take off is still and will always be one of the main reasons I think I was born, I could never do what I do well if I neglected my own needs. This got me to thinking about how many people are literally trying to excel in life while neglecting themselves. It made me think how tragic it is that so many “smart people” refuse to talk to a counselor, therapist or mentor about their negative thought patterns, but yet always want to vent their frustrations to other people who don’t know how to help them learn a new way to think and live. How many of you reading this find yourself easily agitated, tired and stressed out because you’re trying to do all of these noble things that help your brand and even may appear to boost your self image but, in the meantime you’re wearing yourself out?
Deep down inside you know you’re not experiencing the kind of joy you present on your Instagram story. You’re always ready to snap on people and your thought life is far from a pretty picture. You’re actually (if you would be honest) pretending to be something you aren’t. The hard truth is you’ve neglected your own life trying to help other people live. This is one of the hallmarks of codependency and a big struggle for people dealing with self love deficit. No amount of loving other people will make up for your needs not being met. Even while you love other people to your own detriment, you’re going to surely continue to build up more and more resentment because most of the people you attract have no problem with you giving love to them while simultaneously letting your needs go unmet. Can I help you by telling you that you’re going to have to go cold turkey and learn to love YOURSELF! There I said it. You’re going to have to stop needing the love of dysfunctional people. Release the idea that you need these narcissistic people to love you and approve of you. Whether it’s family or friends or people you look up to. They’re not treating right. Stop looking for their affirmation and validation. If you told a stranger how messed up some of these people have treated you, they would look at you and ask you is everything okay?!! Meaning, how in the world do you rationalize people mistreating you like that and keep allowing them to do it over and over again? If that’s not self love deficit I don’t know what is!
Last time I checked an elder or sibling or spouse or friend is supposed to treat you like the definition that goes along with that word. Most of these warped individuals out here will treat a stranger nice and crap on their “loved ones!” It’s a no for me. I have learned to love myself so well that you can’t dishonor me without my permission, and the answer is no. You can’t dishonor me. The question I have for you is – haven’t you learned by now that you’re not going to get what you give them from them. They’re never going to love you the way you want to be loved. Especially when you aren’t courageous enough to communicate what you need instead of thinking people can read your mind. Then those of you who think all that brown nosing and people pleasing you do is going to get you the love you want; WRONG! That’s going to get your feelings hurt even more. People with Self love deficit think the more generous they are with their love and support of other people, the more they will get back. But it never happens. It’s a slippery slope and far from the way real love works.
In a healthy relationship, no one owes anyone anything. People love from their overflow not from their emptiness. You people who do nice stuff for the crappy people in your life and then sit back and wait for them to pay you back; you are never going to find what you’re looking for that way. You will continue to find yourself feeling mistreated and not being loved the way you want until you learn to truly love yourself and stop using “love” as a means to control people. When people truly love you, it doesn’t mean you own them. It doesn’t mean you get to manipulate them and emotionally drain them. (A word to those of you who are in relationships with manipulative people – don’t let the fact that you love them control you either). If you’re with someone who’s dealing with a narcissistic personality they will try and control you by avoiding responsibility for their bad behavior. It’s never them. They’re always trying to blame someone else for not doing what they want. Sick. They’ll often use the silent treatment to control the narrative, which is one of the most violent forms of emotional abuse. They’ll resort to all kinds of childish behavior to get you to apologize or in their mind to keep the peace with them.
Newsflash; There is never any peace with a manipulative person. They’ll use a method call stonewalling where they get distant with you and refuse to discuss things with you that would be helpful to see a resolution with the sole purpose of maintaining their stance or posture of assumed control. They ultimately want you to bow down to them. PLEASE Don’t fall for it. Stand your ground and continue to love YOURSELF. As you can see they aren’t loving you. As a matter of fact what they’re doing is the opposite of love. Narcissistic people get very hostile and upset with you when you uphold a boundary or a standard when it comes to how you want to be treated. Might I remind you that the only people who get upset with you when you say no or don’t let them have their way with you are people who are emotionally immature and manipulative. If you teach them they can do this to you, you’re setting yourself up for a lifetime of manipulation and ABUSE!
That is exactly what it is – flat out ABUSE! Don’t let anyone invalidate your right to be heard, valued, treated well and respected. Sadly, I’ve experienced this and see it too often. Too many people aren’t able to think clearly, be creative, stay effective in their area of expertise because they’re living their lives subjected to hostile and abusive treatment. There’s even a scripture in the Bible basically saying that it’s better for a man (person) to live on the rooftop than to live in a house with a nagging woman (man, boy or girl). Insert *Preach! This is not a good way to live. Not constantly being subjected to emotional witchcraft, guilt and negativity. That’s psychological warfare. No home, family, work, church, social environment should be set up to beat you down mentally. Some of you aren’t depressed, you’re just hanging out with people who make you sad and steal your joy.
Today, I encourage you to take a sabbatical from anything that drains your joy, peace, creativity and hope. In exchange, I want you to make up your mind to be happy and free. Free to say no or yes. Free to agree or disagree. Free to come or go. Anything else is bondage. When you’re noncompliant with a narcissist, it is sure to be followed by hostility and punishment. This, if you asked me sounds like a prison sentence. Relationships are not meant to be that way. At least not healthy ones. Take an inventory today on your own life. You’re in a much better place to help people soar when you guard your heart and get your own mind right. Here’s the list of things I ain’t got time for,..abuse, manipulation, control, nice nastiness, mind games, guilt tripping, insincerity, fakery,….none of THAT!
Copyright ©️ Sherry Grant 2019
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