i'm not mad. i'm a writer.

Don’t be silly. You can’t go far in anything if you don’t know how to express yourself. I mean seriously. For anyone who wants to go somewhere in life, you must be able to open your mouth and speak up truthfully and respectfully and articulate what you feel and what you believe. You have to learn to advocate for yourself. You can’t sit around and be pitiful and powerful at the same time. You’ve got to pick one. I choose powerful and powerful people are articulate people. They have taken the time to develop a healthy way of communicating. You’ve got to create a language for success. This language for success includes words that elevate only as opposed to words that shape an atmosphere for self defeat and destructive ways of thinking. The language system for the next level is free from stupid nonsense and idle talk. There’s no other option for those of us who want to go somewhere in life. We must learn what to say and how to say it. In order to really take off, you need to learn how to communicate in a courageous way. You’ve got to be able to get your point across without fear and guilt and apology. I mean authentically, say what you mean. This requires a lot of practice and personal leadership. It also requires you operating with some next level restraint and candor. That’s often a difficult combination for many people to find. Most people struggle with this so they shut down and don’t say anything. That’s not what I want you to do the next time you know you’re supposed to speak up.

You need to say it and stop allowing the fear of their response to control you. Don’t forget your entire purpose is to bring light to darkness! This cannot happen if you are mute. You must be bold and remember it’s important for you to tell the truth in love. That means you can say what you need to say and remain calm without being rude or disrespectful or offensive. You want to be as honest as you can, without wounding people and breaking their spirit. Sometimes even that’s impossible because some people are so determined to stay broken. So I know it’s hard to step into this new place of leadership because most of the people you shy away from being real with are good at manipulating you. But this is not the time to allow their toxic ways to keep you from doing what you know you’re supposed to do. You’re supposed to challenge them. You’re supposed to call them out. That’s why you’re in their life. That’s proof that you really care about them. See, I know it’s a lot. I know it’s a job. It’s work, but this is what we all signed up for. We signed up to be brothers and sisters and friends and mentors and leaders. Look up all those words; they all come with a tremendous amount of accountability and responsibility. Don’t go throwing these titles around and then not take your responsibility seriously. It means a lot when you call yourself someone’s family or friend! Act like you are really what you say you are!

If you are going somewhere great, you need the people you’re traveling with to be stable and have integrity too. You can’t go places with shady characters who refuse to work on themselves too. You need to be equally yoked in your relationships on this journey. Don’t become the enabler of people who end up dragging you down on this flight called life! You’ve got to learn how to say whatever is needed to see your relationships go to the next level. Sadly, a lot of people get so consumed with activity and busyness and delude themselves into thinking that’s helping. That’s not helping people. Communicating truth is more helpful than loaning people money, giving them rides, and running around to help them do menial task that they’re old enough to be doing by now. This is how a lot of relationships become out of balance. This is why you get so sour with them because after you help them, they’re still just as dependent and infant like as they were before. This is how a lot of people get burned out. This how they fall out of love and lose their spark. Friendships, love relationships, even working relationships thrive off of more than routine activity and busyness. They only truly survive when we share our hearts and that requires emotional support. You can’t have a healthy relationship with someone who never supports you emotionally. This is why you’ve got to learn to communicate and share what your needs are too.

Conversationally, many of you aren’t going anywhere when it comes to your current connections because you’re missing something vitally important. It’s staying emotional connected and sensitive to the people you’re in relationship with. Maybe that’s not your issue but maybe you’re not getting this need met from the people you give your ear and heart to. This is still an issue of imbalance. This is how a lot of people grow apart. It’s also one of the biggest reasons people end up in affairs. It starts with an emotional affair. And while you may be taking care of the financial, physical needs in your relationship it’s not enough. A lot of people think if they cover the visible aspects that they’re the only important needs a person has. But people are more than just physical. We are emotional beings too. Repeat after me – I an emotional being in need of emotional support! Shuck! We all have emotional needs as well as physical needs. We all need people who actually listen to us and talk to us about things that matter to us too.

Many people use old adages and wise sayings like “If you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all.” And hey, I get it. There is some practical wisdom in that, but it’s got to be applied on a case by case basis. You can’t keep a healthy relationship with anyone sitting around in silence. You must open up your mouth and speak. And then my main question for you who think like this; is why would there ever be a point in a mature person’s life where they don’t have ANYTHING nice to say? That’s just ridiculous, extreme, totally unacceptable. You always can say something nice. That is if you want to. Also, if you have the depth and substance needed to bring light and illumination to your world and the people in it, you shouldn’t be silent. Makes me think people who sit in relationships, organizations, companies and play the quiet game are some of the most dangerous people to keep around. What’s so difficult that you can’t find the words to say it in a healthy way? Why is it that you think you can sit around when other people are being vulnerable and sharing their heart and their thoughts and say nothing? Why is that ok? You wouldn’t want people to do that to you so why is it ok for you to just sit there and never contribute anything?

This is a good day to assess the way you handle your relationships and the way the people in your life are handling you. Are you doing your best to be emotionally present and forthcoming? Are they doing that for you? Are they doing a good job meeting your needs emotionally or is it time for some healthy dialogue? A lot of people are suffering and can’t put into words where the breakdown is. Hopefully this helps you get closer to finding healing when it comes to the void or the breakdown in some of your relationships. Conversations can help get sparks back and remind you why you connected with people in the first place. Sometimes people get too lax. We’re all guilty of that. We think the people closest to us are there and we don’t have to value them. We get so comfortable we think we don’t have to work anymore so we stop talking. Don’t do this in your relationships. Don’t stop dating. Don’t stop communicating. Let this be the day where you see a revival in all your relationships that are important to you! Distance doesn’t separate people, silence does.

Copyright ©️ Sherry Grant 2019

#therealestlifecoach #goingplaces #people #talk #emotionalhealing #blog #blogger #mentality #mindset

2 thoughts on “Relationships aren’t designed for selfish people

  1. Loved, “Distance doesn’t separate people, silence does.” Amen!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Danielle Whitehead says:

      Wow I was about to quite the same thing!! 👏A👏ma👏zing read 🔥🔥🔥🔥from start to finish, the realest life coach always dropping 💎s

      Liked by 1 person

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