Shady people are not well. Seems like it’s becoming commonplace in our culture for people to use the wrong words to define how they feel. It’s so confusing! Bad means good? Killing it means you’re doing well? No wonder no one is really in touch with themselves spiritually, emotionally or mentally. Trying to process what people really mean has everyone in a place where no one understands what the next person is even saying. It’s scary because nothing seems to be what it is anymore, at least not in a genuine way. This is the problem with being shady. Because of this, It’s hard to decipher who’s being fake or who’s being honest.
See, a lot of women have close friends who you’re comfortable with them calling you bitches and ho’s and wonder why these friendships are full of competition and rivalry. The average man out here, you have become used to calling your male friends your “dogs” or your “boys” and then you wonder why none of them ever act like responsible fathers, husbands, leaders and business men. Think about what we are calling people and how much it’s not in alignment with what they should be? Even when it comes to your intimate relationships; men are you actually okay with the woman in your life calling you her nigga? You like being called her boyfriend at your age? Boy is a white racist word and it’s not applicable if you’re grown. It’s baffling that we are okay with certain people calling us names we wouldn’t be okay with others calling us. It’s actually insane to say the closer people are to us, the more right they have to dishonor and disrespect us. We call people sis, bro, cuz, fam to their face and never support or rally around them to add some substance to the words and titles we so carelessly throw around. Now that’s shady!
No wonder we aren’t able to really communicate and talk to one another. We have obviously created a superficial system of expressing ourselves that’s not authentic or sincere. On top of all of that, can we address the fact that it’s not conducive for any of us to take off and ascend in life and head into our destiny and purpose being shady. How do we expect to go to the next level if we are consistently calling things by the wrong name? We are suffering and going through the worst times in our lives and PTSD has us saying things like “I’m just having fun!” Dealing with a bunch of drama and disgusting people? You call that fun? You call stress, drama, negativity and confusion fun? No wonder you’re so conflicted in this season of your life. Your spirit doesn’t know how to process the shade. You’re actually misleading your spirit by saying the words that you speak.
This is why I have a problem with the whole sarcastic shady way people talk not only to one another but to themselves. Laughing and putting yourself down is not okay. Saying derogatory statements about your hair, weight, complexion, intellect,…Stop being shady to yourself and the people around you. For too long people have been bullied in their own families. No need to go anywhere else and have to toughen up to deal with hateful, mean spirited people. Many of the people I coach are healing from friendly fire. They’ve been mentally and emotionally put down in places they should have been safe and secure. Sadly, a lot of you have heard fat jokes, snide remarks about your appearance and the choices you wanted to make from the people who should have been affirming you and building you up. This shady stuff has got to stop. You are not ugly. You are not hopeless. You are not stupid. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
I’m heartbroken to see so many people who have had their spirits crushed by the shady words of those they should have been able to receive validation and encouragement from. Shady has now become a term that we use casually and it’s regrettably become a term people say that’s about someone that’s supposed to be a compliment I guess for those with a mean crooked sense of humor. Some people matter of factly run around and call people in their circle shady like it’s a term of endearment. That’s not cute or cool if you asked me. Shady comments are offensive! Shady people are really some of the most disingenuous people I’ve ever encountered. Do you really like my outfit or are you being shady again? Are you really happy to see me or are you going to turn around and make a shady comment about me when I walk away? It’s too much work being around these kind of jerks.
My experience with a really shady lady:
I am almost 50 years old and I am proud to be a playwright. My stage plays have opened a lot of doors for me and this gift has empowered me to help open doors for a lot of creative people over the years. I say that in all humility. This creative gift has been a source of financial increase in my life and the lives of those who worked with me on my productions. Am I Tyler Perry? Nope! Have I had lots of shady comments involving him made to me about what I do? Yep! At the end of the day, I am seriously unbothered. The day of the play I did last year, I was at an event and when I was leaving I had a woman at least 8 years my senior yell out loud in a very condescending and shady tone “Oh you got a show today don’t you?! Oh that’s right! I forgot you’re Spike Lee!” The evil laugh that followed that comment was the icing on the cake, but it was also the nail in the coffin so to say for me and my ability to stomach this poor soul. I came to the conclusion that no matter how genuine and kind I tried to be with this lady, she was proud to be shady. It was in her bones. In other words, her style of communication with me wasn’t going to work, ever!
A word to the wise for all my coachable friends – don’t let shady people with a twisted sense of humor get in your head and bully you with their evil mindset, laughter and meanness. My mother told me when I was a little girl “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Would have said that to this lady, but I don’t waste words on shady people. I quickly waved goodbye to this childish lady and the rest of the shady bunch she was sitting with. That’s when it dawned on me, as old as she is; she’s probably never going to change.
Unless she gets a new circle, or comes into some circumstance that alters her perspective, she’s going to stay the same shady person forever. Thankfully, we are going to new levels around here. We’re not allowing the shady ones to distract us and waste our time and energy. Those who are connected to us are doing daily checks within to see how we can take off. We are not offended by the truth! We are aware of what we need to work on and being shady is absolutely not in our character! We are too authentic to be fake and phony. We are on the path to whatever it takes to become better. Take some time and evaluate your mentality. Make a commitment to only communicate with a pure heart. If you don’t want someone to say something that shades you, don’t say it to them. There’s this elementary principle we learned when we first started off. It’s called the golden rule. “Do unto others as you would have them to do unto you.” That’s easy unless you’re so shady you can’t survive without being critical and mean spirited. It’s so awesome to see people mastering stuff like kindness and sincerity. People who have to be shady to make their point need to get closer to my real life coachable friends. We can help them if they want to be better. Iron sharpens iron. Get you some friends that help you communicate like a person who’s really going somewhere great!
Copyright ©️ 2019 Sherry Grant
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