i'm not mad. i'm a writer.

I don’t care how naïve and clueless you try to act on this flight called life, everyone you call your friend is not your real friend. Not only that, there’s some poor guy or gal out there thinking you have their back, but in reality, you really don’t. You’re not a good friend either. Period! You are not their real friend if you know how bad their life is going and all you can do is shake your head and say “Sorry you’ re going through that.” What a bad friend! Let’s be real, a genuine friend will not hear about your crisis and say a few clichés like “Trouble don’t last always,” “It wont always be like this,” “Keep your head up, it’s going to get better,”…… A real friend won’t watch you struggle and try not to help at all. It’s true. Some of these people using the term friend, need to stop. They aren’t even right to be saying they’re someone’s friend based on their actions. The Bible says a friend loves at all times. Insert Preach! That right there alone should filter out some of these jokers you keep on letting hurt your feelings. They’re not your friend! Stop being so simple-minded.

Not only are some of these people out here repeatedly letting you down, before you start acting like a victim, let’s not forget you’re doing the same thing to some pitiful person in your own life right now. You know it’s true. You call yourself their friend and you still haven’t called them back. Instead of being their biggest supporter, you’re the last to help them out. You don’t reply to their text messages. You cancel plans with them, but the people you “respect,” you wouldn’t dare do that to. Maybe this is why people are so cautious when it comes to “friending” people these days. Does being your friend mean you’ll get too familiar with me and start taking me for granted? Does being your friend mean you’ll borrow money from me and never pay me back? Does it mean you expect me to let you treat me any old kinda way and even if I don’t like it you can use the friend card to get out of friend jail? Maybe this why it’s so hard to find a real friend who doesn’t take your friendship for granted and start treating you like you cease to have feelings or boundaries anymore. It’s hard to know if there are any real friends out here anymore. This made me dig deeper to ask the question: Is it even possible to be a real friend without royally screwing things up? Let’s admit it,…not many of us have actually been that great of a friend to anyone. We can all be a piece of work with our inconsistency and moodiness. How many of us can admit that our friends have to deal with how unrealistic, inflexible, demanding, pushy and selfish we can be.

It’s not that we can’t be a good friend to anyone else, it’s just not as easy as it seems. Sometimes life or something happens that puts tension on our ability to honor our commitments to the friendship in a way that shows the other person the real love they deserve. Some of our friendships suffer because we say all these nice words and never back them up or follow through in DEED. I personally would much rather have friends whose behavior was that of a real friend than the eloquent words they come up with. SADLY, we have all miserably failed people who considered us to be their friend and we’ve all been burned on this flight called life by our share of fair weather friends. Sure, there have been some major disappointments when life put our friendships to the test. On this flight called life, it takes some turbulence to truly find out who’s going to be there for you when your situation seems like it’s about to take a nose dive. Some people who call themselves your friend are simply people watching you live out life and they’re just friendly to you while life is happening. They don’t necessarily care much about you. Sobering,….I know. Some of these people will stick around and use you as a source of inspiration and strength. They just need someone to keep them company in many instances. They only want to hang out with you for superficial reasons or to pick up what took you years to discover. You’ll become someone they look to for wisdom, advice, tips and encouragement. You may be a friend to them, but all friendships are NOT created equal.


1. PLEASURE FRIENDSHIPS – HANGOUT BUDDIES. People you have fun with or go to the movies with and laugh with. They help you unwind and enjoy your days but that’s about it. Don’t expect much more than that from pleasure or good time friends!  

2. ADVANTAGE FRIENDS AKA TRANSACTIONAL FRIENDS – Friends with benefits. LOL. These are most of the relationships we have with people. We are friends in business, colleagues and we only stay connected as long as the other person is getting something out of us. We are only together based on a need being met.

3. VIRTUE FRIENDSHIPS– These are the real deal! These friendships are based on nothing more than a SINCERE commitment to the other person. It’s a relationship based on agape love, or the unmerited love we have for the other person. It’s not rooted in getting anything but it’s more about the love and goodness we have and feel for the other person.

Aristotle’s list of friends should sober us when it comes to how gullible or green we pretend to be in this game called friendship. Be real with yourself and stop teaching people to mishandle you.


Some of the statistics I read say that the average person has only 1 real friend. With that being said who comes to mind for you? Who’s your one real friend? You might be saying at least I have one real friend like that’s a good thing, but it’s not. One real friend means if you’re in trouble you only have one other human being in this world who cares enough about you to do more than watch you suffer. And what if that one friend has the heart to help you but no money or resources? You’re still up the creek. This is why you need more than one real friend. If you only have one real friend in this world, God forbid anything happens to them and it sure could. But by only having one person who has your back in this world, your likelihood of not being lonely is bleak. You need to find real friends and you need to be a real friend. Don’t hesitate to get out there and demonstrate the character and integrity you hope to receive from your real friends. I am in the same boat as you. Trying to figure this whole friendship thing out. Well, here’s to Friends! And here’s to finding them and being them.

Copyright Sherry Grant © 2020

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