I care about people. Deeply!!!! Sometimes I care way too much. Sometimes, it seems like I care more about some people than they care about themselves or me. That’s toxic and something I’m changing for the good. Many times in the past, my care for others has interfered with their progress and hindered me from focusing on my stuff. It’s a crazy concept, but sometimes you can care too much about people to the point where it’s detrimental to all involved. Ever think you may just need to mind your business and stop caring about some of these people you spend your time, energy and resources on? They’re not going to change with all your caring. If they were really going to, wouldn’t they have done so by now? Maybe the very thing that could help all the people you “care” so much about is to care less. I know you’re saying WHAT?! Care less about my family and friends???? Yes! That’s exactly what I’m saying. Your caring is the probably a big part of why they are underachieving now! It’s probably why they make you responsible for stuff you shouldn’t be responsible for. It’s probably why they won’t grow up and become accountable for their lives. I know it’s a hard pill to swallow but you need to be reading this.
Be honest. How much of your caring is rooted in seeing them thrive versus you controlling the narrative? How much of your “being there” for them is really just you pushing your agenda and desires on them? What if you could care less? I know that sounds funny, but it’s important to set some boundaries on how much you care about other people, otherwise you could be neglecting what really is in the scope of your responsibility. I’m taking online courses like a snail to get my Masters. In the meantime, I’m jumping on my daughter’s bed acting like a child myself telling her “don’t go too far away for college or I’ll miss you too much!” I say this as a joke, but am I really joking? I need to care less.
It might sound strange for a mom to say this, but it’s true. I need to back off and let her live her life and stop playing around with my own advancement. Boom there I said it. And don’t get me wrong; There’s a huge difference between caring less and being careless. I care,.. and many of you are the same way. You care about your kids, your family and friends, but your caring is also deeply rooted in control and your need to monitor and serve as counselor and advisor to people who need to be free to make their own life choices. Maybe my daughter wants to go far away for college and I should be spending this time to work on what’s triggering me to be anxious about her ascent. After all, she’s not me. Truth be told she’s way more mature than I was when I was 17. She’s way more focused as a student and individual than I was when I was a senior in high school. She actually goes to school to learn and complete assignments, while I went to school for social stimulation. It’s true. I need to take a chill pill and care less. Not care less about my daughter, but care less about inserting my fears into the story. This got my wheels turning. Made me remember I did this same crap when Chris, my oldest went to college 40 minutes away. I did the same thing when Drew, my middle son when to school 20 minutes away from home. Now, I’m doing this with Jewel, but wait a minute,..I’m actually doing it LESS! Insert cheers! I’m actually caring less and writing this to encourage you and get my thoughts out of my head helped me to see it. That with every kid I released my tentacles from around their throats and let them go and grow, the worry and anxiety got LESS for me! So yes! Go me! I am actually doing it,…I’m being care less and I’m proud!
This is actually a good thing!! To take my love for the people who mean the most to me and believe that whatever they face, good or bad, they’re well equipped to handle it all!!! I have experience watching the people I care about knock down every obstacle and blockage in front of them and they’re doing better because I could care less. Let’s be real; Anxiety and stress can be contagious. Think about the ways you’re spreading that toxicity around today and stop it. Take a moment to inhale and exhale when you get overwhelmed. Take a coffee break, praise break, mental break from situations that make you feel less than amazing. Then reset and remember YOU ARE IN CONTROL of your life. You are in the driver’s seat and whatever direction you want to go in, it’s up to you. Take a moment to celebrate how much you’ve grown. How much strength it takes for you to stop suppressing your stuff and invalidating how you actually feel to make everyone comfortable. Now that you’re being honest with yourself and making the decision to do what honors you as opposed to what you feel obligated to do, watch your cares become less. When you care less, it’s not that you’re careless,..it really means you choose what you care about and what takes up your mental and emotional energy. Today choose what’s best for you! You’ve been making sure everyone else is ok for so long, now focus on you!
Copyright © Sherry Grant 2020
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