Disclaimer: I share none of my personal business for anyone to feel sorry for me. This is all for the sole purpose of inspiration and encouragement for someone who may be going through some kind of challenge today.
Last week my suspension dropped on my truck so my husband and I took it in for the mechanic to do a diagnostic. Needless to say, I was going to have to figure out another way to get around or be stuck at home all day. I thought it would be a simple one day fix for my truck, but the parts needed a day to come in so I would be without transportation for more than one day. Day one, I took a Lyft and Day two an Uber. The first day there were plenty of issues I had to deal with that if I knew then what I know now, I probably wouldn’t have gone in that day. But I was determined to be the responsible person I am and not let this temporary situation bring me down.
The next day, I woke up remembering the day before and was tempted to contact my real life coachable clients and reschedule. But yet again, my integrity wouldn’t let me disappoint them or myself. What if one of them really needed their session with me that day? What if them seeing me could have made the difference in them pushing forward or throwing in the towel. See, that’s what happens when you live your life from a place of purpose. That’s when you don’t get to call out slick. You forge through whatever minor personal issues you’re having for the day in order to fulfill your life purpose. I was determined to stay faithful to my mission. I was convinced that I had to put my personal preferences aside and catch a ride into my office. So I did.
Long story short, as soon as I walk out of my front door, I somehow lost my balance and fell to the ground really hard. Everything I was carrying, my laptop, lunch, everything; along with myself was now sprawled across my driveway while my Uber driver sits there and watches me. One star rating for you buddy. Anyway, I eventually gather myself and get up and make my way to his car and go on with my day. I looked down and my knee was busted and bleeding. My adrenaline tho, that’s what kept me from dealing with the pain of the fall, at least until later. Some of y’all are living off of adrenaline and not dealing with your pain. That’s not good at all. That’s when I realized that incident was going to be a reminder that the effects of a fall don’t go away so easy. Preach!
Even though no one else remembers the fall, I do. I experienced it and even the healing process is personal to me. While others are looking at it from their perspective, no one feels what I feel. This healing process like anyone who has experienced something is taking some time. You see my point don’t you? Just this morning, while watering my flowers at home, I slipped again. Yep. I know, what’s wrong with me? That was my first reaction. I felt ashamed of myself for slipping again. But why would someone who’s had an accident or something they didn’t want to happen, why is our first instinct to feel bad about it? Is it fear that people will think you’re drunk, clumsy,…who knows. Made me think that shame and humiliation is probably a huge reason people don’t share their experiences with other people so easily.
This second time when I fell, it wasn’t a major fall but I bumped my knee. This time in the same spot where the scab that was forming got hit and torn. This new fall had actually disrupted the mending process and it’s literally like I’m starting all over again. But I’m not. My knee hurts again just like it did the day I fell last week, only this time it’s because of something new. Makes me think how easy it is to lump all our pain and issues into one instead of saying I’m hurting from more than one thing. Even during this holiday season, don’t let anyone shame you into hiding your pain. If you’re hurting from something that hasn’t healed shame on anyone for trying to mock you for that.
This morning after my second fall, I looked at my knee and saw new blood running down my leg just like it was last week. Only this time it’s a different situation. Allow yourself the time to grieve each experience and accept that you’ve been hurt more than once so it’s going to take time to get over it. Especially when you consider that this new slip and the trauma from it is in addition to a wound on an area that wasn’t healed yet.
This reminded me that it’s ok to hurt from a fall or a hit or a bump and that doesn’t mean you aren’t healing. As a matter of fact, you can actually be hurting because you’re healing. Insert tears.
In a cult-ure, especially religious cultures where people will shame you for expressing emotion or your humanity. Where people say you’re crazy or you can’t handle yourself. People will say things like you’re not spiritual if you’re not over something as fast as they think you should. Little do they know, you’re dealing with a new pain on top of an existing one and you’re still healing. My situation reminded me it’s ok to hurt as long as you’re still healing. There’s actually no time limit on when the pain leaves from a fall. There’s no time limit on how long it’s going to take to get over devastation but it sure helps to be around people who help you heal. Leave people alone who don’t know how to handle you in pain. If there’s anyone in your life and you know they are going through something painful help them or leave them alone to heal without your judgment and ridicule.
I haven’t put any bandages on my knee because I really want it to heal. I’ve found covering up our wounds doesn’t quite allow them to heal as effectively as they would if they were exposed to air which is life! Even though I was tempted to put a bandaid on my knee, I had to decide which do I want more? Do I want my comfort or my healing? I choose healing.
Trust me, there’s no guarantee I won’t fall again. And even if I protect the injured knee, it doesn’t mean I can’t experience pain somewhere else on my body. All in all, I am learning that healing is not an overnight process and that includes emotional and psychological healing too. I even asked myself if I had it to do all over again would I have gone into my office and met with my real life coachable friends if I knew I would have fallen that day? And honestly, my answer is yes. I help people who are in the kind of pain you can’t see like the pain from my fall. There are people dealing with wounds no one will ever acknowledge or validate and it doesn’t take one bit of the pain away from those living with it. So my life and what I have to offer is important. I can handle a little fall and I know it’s going to heal. As a matter of fact I am healing right now. Even writing this article for someone who needs what I’m sharing to help them along in their process of wholeness. Truth is, I refuse to live my life afraid of pain. All I can do is continue to be courageous and selfless when it comes to helping other people take off on this flight called life.
Copyright ©️Sherry Grant 2019
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