therealestlifecoach.com

i'm not mad. i'm a writer.

You ever notice on this flight called life that we are on, some people are very messy, sneaky and seem to love to keep drama going? I sit and wonder sometimes how much these interesting individuals could accomplish if they considered using their creativity for something that’s actually productive for once in their life. But no, that would be too much like right. I am seriously becoming more and more aware that some of these people we are traveling with y’all,….. they are extremely toxic. I’m not talking about how we all make mistakes. Even how all of us have been guilty of being a bad friend or family member. I’m not talking about the reality that we are guilty of mishandling people we love (unintentionally) but yet we have enough God in us to apologize. I’m not even talking about how we all have found ourselves at one time or another saying too much or not speaking up on an important matter when we should have. I’m not talking about those times we knew we were wrong and put our best effort into correcting our own toxicity.

I’m talking about people who love to stir the pot and create chaos and confusion. People who love to lie, backstab, deceive, play games, talk crap about people, all while playing both sides and orchestrating elaborate drama. People like this get on my last nerve.

I have, even as of lately become very guarded with people who I have once shared my heart, my frustrations and even challenges with. Those who have given me concrete evidence that I need to just go ahead and withdraw my trust from them as a confidant. Sure, I still very openly discuss situations that frustrate me, but I have enough wisdom to leave out the details and specifics for obvious reasons. My intent even in my blog is never to embarrass, judge or humiliate anyone who’s disappointed me. I don’t write because I’m mad or need to send out subliminal messages. I write truth from my perspective because I know I’m not the only one.

Anyone who knows me knows I confront regularly and speak transparently with people I value, and when you show me you’re not respecting me at all I let go and stop offering my revelation. Jesus even said in one of his parables “Don’t cast your pearls before swine, all they’ll do is trample on them.” Long story short, I never force myself and what I have to offer on anyone. The main theme and point of my posts and articles is to expose the poisonous agenda of those who get a kick out of and enjoy abusing people in a very sneaky covert way. I don’t like it. I also don’t respect those people who except those who have been mishandled and dishonored to just sit there and take it! That’s not the way you treat someone who’s been hurt and dishonored. When a person has been violated, dishonored and embarrassed, no one gets to tell them get over it! It’s not that easy, yet that’s what many of us have been told. Be a good Christian. Take the high road. Be a bigger person. All that sounds good, but instead of giving those who have been mishandled all this advice, how about you go and stand up for the wounded? Why not go give some advice to the people you know who are going around constantly hurting people and causing confusion? Why do so many people love protecting abusers!? I would love it if the supposed righteous people who have so much wisdom for those who have been hurt, to take all their ranting and preaching and go tell the people who destroy people’s lives, families and reputations that they need to acknowledge the atrocity on their part!!!!!! No, but that would be too much like right.

It’s sneaky abuse when no one wants to address it. When a person knows what they’ve done and are doing and yet they are always being protected by the good ole boys club aka the system, that’s wrong. When we know what’s been done to someone is atrocious and pretend it’s not,….we are just as guilty. What makes people keep this narrative going where they pretend they’re not aware that their actions are creating confusion and turmoil? When people even show up at jobs, churches, events and know their motives are not good, and everyone sits around pretending they don’t know. It’s so sad. When people come with all kinds of wicked agendas and everyone plays dumb. I think it’s time we stop this. People have become so used to being deceptive, when they know good and well they’re not right. Drama! Something has got to change in our core. This is the kind of crap we do and wonder why our society is so warped.

Have you ever had a teacher, family member, so called friend, leader, follower, flight attendant or waitress that was purposely trying to upset you? They’ll do things that they know are out of bounds and when you respond, they’ll pretend you’re the problem. I see this all the time. As a leader, certain protocols and ways of handling things have been communicated, then the psychological abuser (cause that’s what they are) will stand up and do the very thing you’ve asked them not to do and then they will slowly look over at you to see your reaction. It’s pathetic. To think frustrating others is fun! It’s obvious that some people are rotten to the core and seem to have no limit to the depths they’ll go for attention.

As the holidays approach, you’ll see this in families. People will push your buttons and know full well what they’re saying or doing is upsetting to person they’re trying to manipulate. This is a great opportunity for you to decide how much access you’ll continue to give these emotional abusers in your life. I know, it might seem normal to want to excuse the emotional abuse of people in your life who constantly try to get a rise out of you, but it is what it is. A person who will constantly feel empowered to ignore your cries for basic respect and common decency is someone who has manipulated you into putting up with their psychological abuse. It’s not a healthy relationship. Some emotional abusers may be very helpful in some ways to you. Some may be loyal to you. Some will faithfully stay in your life and even do some things that seem nice on your behalf, but their kind deeds are often part of their act. It’s all part of their facade and game to manipulate you, and often is the reason they feel justified in disregarding your boundaries. What are you going to do anyway? You need them. Well, at least that’s what they believe in their mind and the longer you put up with their control the longer you make this true.

Wake up! Stop allowing messed up people to mess with your head. Sadly, they won’t have a hard time finding someone else to emotionally play around with and dishonor when you put an end to their crap. They will sometimes even back away for awhile and let you alone only to return later to see if they can weasel their manipulative tentacles around you again. This flight we’re on requires you to understand your power and you need to be free to fly as high as you can. Refuse to tolerate toxic abusers even if they try to act like they’re innocent. Don’t fall for it. Don’t allow fear of their reaction to keep you powerless either. They’re banking on you saying nothing to them. They love keeping you confused and in a state of conflict when it comes to your emotions. There comes a point when you see a person for who they are. Not unredeemable, just not your job to redeem. INSERT STRONG PREACH!

The real question is, who’s job is it to redeem them? Is it really your job to control another person and help them see their life from the right perspective? No ma’am. No sir. It’s a slippery slope when we keep trying to rehabilitate demons. People who only want to keep stuff going in a negative way in your family, on your job at church,…. they will have to deal with their consequences of their decisions. The principle of sowing and reaping is at work. Some call it Karma. What goes around comes back around. Every dog has it’s day. You get my drift. Stop enabling them to be the monster they are. If you happen to look around and see yourself always ignoring and tolerating people who play games and mess with your peace, maybe you need to address what’s making you entertain such toxicity. If you believe you are Mother Teresa or some prophet from God who’s called to save people from themselves, I hope you’re really sure of that call. Study the toll it takes on those of us who sign up to be public servants. It’s not for people who don’t know how to practice self care and set boundaries. This thing will eat you alive if you aren’t careful. In the meantime, practice some serious self care. This calling of helping the lost and rejected is not for the faint of heart. Just make sure you’re not doing a job that’s above your pay grade. Many a people have lost their minds trying to help someone else find theirs. Make sure that’s not you. Save yourself first. Look out for your own emotional, physical, financial, and spiritual well being before you try to save the world. Even on the plane they announce “In case of an emergency, put your oxygen mask on first.” Make sure you can breathe before you try to help someone else get their breath. It’s rough out here these days and people will play you for a fool, especially if you carry yourself like one.

Copyright ©️ 2019 Sherry Grant

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