After arriving to the airport, checking bags, making it through the TSA pat down and finding your seat; have you ever sat down next to someone who doesn’t have any respect for your personal space? Like their entire body is on you and you’re stuck like this on a 5 hour flight with them. Or how about the people who sit next to you and they want to talk your ear off the whole time and tell you their entire life story. Now it’s one thing if you know the person sitting next to you and the both of you have agreed to talk to each other the entire flight. But it’s another thing when you don’t even know the person sitting next to you and they just insist on draining you, when all you wanted to do was get to your destination in peace and quiet.
On this journey called life you will find yourself meeting up with some interesting people who often will not care one bit about you and how you feel. Some people are only focused on themselves and live in constant dishonor of those around them. The truth is many of the people you will “travel” with will unapologetically disregard your personal space. So the question of the day is; How do you let someone know they’ve crossed the line with you, without hurting their feelings? How do you let them know they’ve gone too far and still get through this flight (life) in peace with them? This is a real life matter. I consider it to be an issue of BOUNDARIES.
Boundaries are very important for those of us who are going places in life! The people who go the farthest learn how to set limits and I almost hate to use this word these days but “walls” (no political pun intended) are sometimes necessary to differentiate between you and others. This is super important if you’re going to a higher level in life. Everyone who sets boundaries is not being selfish. They’re not always trying to be mean and cold. And let me tell you that you are going to have to resolve in your heart now that setting boundaries with people doesn’t mean you don’t love them. It simply means you love yourself and you need your space!
Think about it this way, if you paid to sit in your seat, why should you have to suffer through the agony of sharing your space with someone who has decided, reasoned, rationalized and justified why it’s ok for them to inconvenience you in your seat too? You should be able to say “Hey, this is my seat! Stay in your space please” and that should be the end of it. But often when you tell a person who doesn’t respect boundaries they’re dishonoring you; they usually get very upset and defensive. Sometimes, we don’t express ourselves well either when it comes to our boundaries and that creates another set of issues. And yet it still doesn’t change a thing, we all still have a right to be around people who respect our boundaries. The bottom line is some people don’t see a blessed thing wrong with the crazy things they do to others!? And then they make you into “the bad guy” for speaking up for yourself. This is why boundaries are so important to set before you get into any relationship, partnership, agreement.
This boundary thing is a problem for many people today in families, friendships, churches and businesses. People don’t know how to respect boundaries because many have assumed “love and closeness” to mean, go right ahead and do whatever you want to me and around me! Love for many means boundaries don’t apply (insert the devil is a liar). This way of thinking is a recipe for disaster in any relationship. No matter how much you love another person, they should still respect your boundaries. If that’s not funny to them, stop saying it. If calling them sweetie or honey is offensive and they’ve told you, stop being disrespectful. If they don’t like tickling and you do; stop crossing their boundary. Tickle yourself, not the person who spelled it out to you that they don’t like that!
People who don’t honor and respect boundaries get too close for comfort and then get upset and dare you to address their bad behavior. They go too far in how familiar they are with you. These people become extremely common and relaxed to the point where they start saying unacceptable, off the wall things to you. How many times have these kinds of people shifted the dialogue from the weather to asking intimately private questions of you that you would never ask them? Some people are just plain old messy and nosey, and they have no problem getting all up in your space being too close for comfort.
One of the things I’m learning on this flight called life is; you can’t control what other people do, but you can control how you handle you.
I’m learning that no matter what other people do, I can choose to stay calm and in peace. I can choose to give little or none of my energy or time to people who dishonor me. That’s my boundary. I refuse to let anyone take me “ there.” “There” for me is anywhere outside of the creative, peaceful, beautiful space I create for me to live in.
So as your real life coach, my advice to you today is simple. Prepare yourself for anything as you take flight! Get your headphones 🎧 out and put them on. They’re going to help to drown out the chatter and the nonsense and the noise. Turn them to something that feeds your spirit, mind and soul. Bring along your eye mask to cover your eyes so you don’t have to be distracted or annoyed by what’s going on around you. This is going to help control what you see or more importantly what you don’t see. Finally, cover yourself. A blanket of peace or whatever you need to be covered up in is going to help you stay safe and comfortable. This will ensure whoever comes into contact with you won’t be able to agitate, rub you the wrong way and vex you.
Just be ready to deal with all kinds personality types as you go higher and you are going higher! Focus on where you’re headed! Master the art of being unbothered by what use to get on your nerves. Learn yourself at a deeper level and then set realistic boundaries for your life that help keep you elevated. Stay away from mindsets and attitudes and atmospheres that bring you down. Be intentional about gravitating to people who help you soar. Waste as little time as possible around people who refuse to grow and change. And stop trying to change people. That’s vodoo! It’s not your job to tell other people what they need to do and who they need to be. Work on you! That should be your full time job!
Copyright 2019 Sherry Grant
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