This Time When You Go Up

When going places, there are some items I can’t travel without. There are my beats, my sleeping mask, my blanket, and something to write with and something to read. That’s it! Those are my must haves on the plane. I noticed that anytime I’m up in the air, I’m extremely creative. More than normal. I’m able to think much clearer. I can remember the goals I’ve let slip away and in my silence I’m able to tap into a realm of peace and calm and think of some of the things that really inspire my soul.

Maybe the fact that the airlines require travelers to unplug and come off the grid when up in the air is one of the main reasons why I’m able to have such clarity and focus when I’m flying. This really started my wheels to turning as it relates to making the decision to quiet my spirit and get my mind more on task. It really convicted me about moving deeper into the direction of my dreams, visions and plans for the future, not later but now. Makes me want to encourage my real life coachable friends to do the same.

Develop a discipline and a schedule where you make time for your goals. This is real self love. Way beyond taking a bubble bath, eating chocolate cake, watching a favorite movie or going to get your nails done. Self love is taking yourself seriously. Taking your dreams and plans for the next level to new horizons unapologetically and with passion and dedication. I’m serious. How else are you going to reach your goals if you won’t make time to put together a strategy? How else will you move out of the place of wishing and wanting better? You’re going to have to do more than pray. Even the Bible says faith without works is dead. Oh, and don’t waste another moment feeling bad about the response of people after you share your plans with them. Who cares if they think your ideas are stupid or they don’t believe in you. I need you to believe in you! That’s half the battle there. Who cares if they would rather give their money to other people and laugh at your goals. Don’t expect broke people to invest in you. They don’t have it either financially, emotionally or spiritually. If they did, they wouldn’t be so stingy towards your hopes! Who cares if they won’t help you, someone will eventually, you just gotta keep pushing anyway. You could actually be one NO away from your YES! Don’t give up! I’m telling you, don’t! No matter what, this is your dream and no one else is going to be more excited about it than you. Sometimes you can involve people in your “projects’ and think they will share your passion and enthusiasm, only to find out, they are not as into it as you expected. Don’t let that frustrate you either. People are actually very selfish and once you start believing in yourself, they are often inspired but the inspiration can become competition too. It’s sad but true.

Just stay UP! Don’t be sidetracked. It’s amazing how being up in the air makes me want to go harder concerning my destiny. It’s definitely a spiritual thing! This is also why you can’t afford to hang out with people who aren’t willing to approach life with the same intention. That ole’ saying “You can’t hang out with chickens if you expect to fly with eagles” is soooooo true. Is it chickens or turkeys. I don’t know. Either way, they are both dumb birds. You can’t be a dreamer and hang out with losers. Chickens can’t leave their level and go high. There are some people aka chickens around you now who (if you allow them to) will affect and infect your ability to go up. Don’t let that happen. This is why you’re reading this today because you needed to be reminded to watch your surroundings. Take special notice on the things you say and what you think about in your quiet time. Don’t let negative seeds take root in your mind. Don’t start taking your growth and your transformation lightly either. While you try and go up, please be extra mindful of people and situations that work hard to distract you and bring you back down. There are some people and mindsets that are like gravity and they will pull you back to the same mentality you’re getting free from if you’re not careful.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the position UP is also the direction we all (who are purposed to go places) want to go in! I’m sure the fact that you’re reading this article today is a sign that you’re someone who’s determined to go somewhere great! You’re reading this today and you don’t want to struggle anymore, and I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to. Not with all that you’re stocked with. All those gifts, talents, wisdom, skills and knowledge that you have, you can do anything you put your mind to! What I realized for myself is that if I’m not careful, it is easy to drift into the mundane routine of life and excuse your procrastination, and let your hopes and dreams sail away. Today, I want to encourage you to look UP and stay UP! Lift up your head, open your eyes and start thinking like you did before you let fear take control. Think like you did before you ever let someone make you think your attempts towards greatness were a mistake. Think like you did before you ever knew what a failure was. Take your outlook on life UP higher and remember back to a time when you didn’t allow the naysayers and the negative voices in your life to discourage you and talk you out of trying new things.

See, it’s perfectly normal to have some jitters when you’re stepping out on faith, but I guarantee you that you are not alone. Someone believes in you. I believe in you! You can do it! Whatever you’ve been burdened to do, don’t let it die because you had to plug back into this noisy world. Don’t let the phones, jobs, family demands and schedules take you back to being distracted and anxious. Please don’t allow the busyness of life to get you off track and in a tizzy where you lose your sense of direction and passion for your business, book, movie, play, CD,……or whatever it is. Don’t let people and their foolishness trip you up. Do the best that you can do and don’t just say that like a cliche. Actually mean it and come through with your best in every way possible. The Nations are waiting on you, but before you put out another thing, make a determination that you will do everything you do this time with EXCELLENCE. Seriously,…. don’t do it unless you’re really proud of it. Don’t present anything that you don’t believe in and expect other people to believe in it. Make it amazing!!! Make it beautiful! Make it special. Too many people are guilty of coming down from the posture of UP and doing things with very little attention to detail. Take your plans seriously no matter who else does and watch your goals stay UP!!!!!!!!! This time when you go up, STAY UP.

Copyright ©️ Sherry Grant 2019

#therealestlifecoach.com #goingplaces #takeoff #travelblog #blogger #mentality #people # blog #tripping #UP

A list of things I ain’t got time for,…

I’ve been on a sabbatical! Yep! While helping others take off is still and will always be one of the main reasons I think I was born, I could never do what I do well if I neglected my own needs. This got me to thinking about how many people are literally trying to excel in life while neglecting themselves. It made me think how tragic it is that so many “smart people” refuse to talk to a counselor, therapist or mentor about their negative thought patterns, but yet always want to vent their frustrations to other people who don’t know how to help them learn a new way to think and live. How many of you reading this find yourself easily agitated, tired and stressed out because you’re trying to do all of these noble things that help your brand and even may appear to boost your self image but, in the meantime you’re wearing yourself out?

Deep down inside you know you’re not experiencing the kind of joy you present on your Instagram story. You’re always ready to snap on people and your thought life is far from a pretty picture. You’re actually (if you would be honest) pretending to be something you aren’t. The hard truth is you’ve neglected your own life trying to help other people live. This is one of the hallmarks of codependency and a big struggle for people dealing with self love deficit. No amount of loving other people will make up for your needs not being met. Even while you love other people to your own detriment, you’re going to surely continue to build up more and more resentment because most of the people you attract have no problem with you giving love to them while simultaneously letting your needs go unmet. Can I help you by telling you that you’re going to have to go cold turkey and learn to love YOURSELF! There I said it. You’re going to have to stop needing the love of dysfunctional people. Release the idea that you need these narcissistic people to love you and approve of you. Whether it’s family or friends or people you look up to. They’re not treating right. Stop looking for their affirmation and validation. If you told a stranger how messed up some of these people have treated you, they would look at you and ask you is everything okay?!! Meaning, how in the world do you rationalize people mistreating you like that and keep allowing them to do it over and over again? If that’s not self love deficit I don’t know what is!

Last time I checked an elder or sibling or spouse or friend is supposed to treat you like the definition that goes along with that word. Most of these warped individuals out here will treat a stranger nice and crap on their “loved ones!” It’s a no for me. I have learned to love myself so well that you can’t dishonor me without my permission, and the answer is no. You can’t dishonor me. The question I have for you is – haven’t you learned by now that you’re not going to get what you give them from them. They’re never going to love you the way you want to be loved. Especially when you aren’t courageous enough to communicate what you need instead of thinking people can read your mind. Then those of you who think all that brown nosing and people pleasing you do is going to get you the love you want; WRONG! That’s going to get your feelings hurt even more. People with Self love deficit think the more generous they are with their love and support of other people, the more they will get back. But it never happens. It’s a slippery slope and far from the way real love works.

In a healthy relationship, no one owes anyone anything. People love from their overflow not from their emptiness. You people who do nice stuff for the crappy people in your life and then sit back and wait for them to pay you back; you are never going to find what you’re looking for that way. You will continue to find yourself feeling mistreated and not being loved the way you want until you learn to truly love yourself and stop using “love” as a means to control people. When people truly love you, it doesn’t mean you own them. It doesn’t mean you get to manipulate them and emotionally drain them. (A word to those of you who are in relationships with manipulative people – don’t let the fact that you love them control you either). If you’re with someone who’s dealing with a narcissistic personality they will try and control you by avoiding responsibility for their bad behavior. It’s never them. They’re always trying to blame someone else for not doing what they want. Sick. They’ll often use the silent treatment to control the narrative, which is one of the most violent forms of emotional abuse. They’ll resort to all kinds of childish behavior to get you to apologize or in their mind to keep the peace with them.

Newsflash; There is never any peace with a manipulative person. They’ll use a method call stonewalling where they get distant with you and refuse to discuss things with you that would be helpful to see a resolution with the sole purpose of maintaining their stance or posture of assumed control. They ultimately want you to bow down to them. PLEASE Don’t fall for it. Stand your ground and continue to love YOURSELF. As you can see they aren’t loving you. As a matter of fact what they’re doing is the opposite of love. Narcissistic people get very hostile and upset with you when you uphold a boundary or a standard when it comes to how you want to be treated. Might I remind you that the only people who get upset with you when you say no or don’t let them have their way with you are people who are emotionally immature and manipulative. If you teach them they can do this to you, you’re setting yourself up for a lifetime of manipulation and ABUSE!

That is exactly what it is – flat out ABUSE! Don’t let anyone invalidate your right to be heard, valued, treated well and respected. Sadly, I’ve experienced this and see it too often. Too many people aren’t able to think clearly, be creative, stay effective in their area of expertise because they’re living their lives subjected to hostile and abusive treatment. There’s even a scripture in the Bible basically saying that it’s better for a man (person) to live on the rooftop than to live in a house with a nagging woman (man, boy or girl). Insert *Preach! This is not a good way to live. Not constantly being subjected to emotional witchcraft, guilt and negativity. That’s psychological warfare. No home, family, work, church, social environment should be set up to beat you down mentally. Some of you aren’t depressed, you’re just hanging out with people who make you sad and steal your joy.

Today, I encourage you to take a sabbatical from anything that drains your joy, peace, creativity and hope. In exchange, I want you to make up your mind to be happy and free. Free to say no or yes. Free to agree or disagree. Free to come or go. Anything else is bondage. When you’re noncompliant with a narcissist, it is sure to be followed by hostility and punishment. This, if you asked me sounds like a prison sentence. Relationships are not meant to be that way. At least not healthy ones. Take an inventory today on your own life. You’re in a much better place to help people soar when you guard your heart and get your own mind right. Here’s the list of things I ain’t got time for,..abuse, manipulation, control, nice nastiness, mind games, guilt tripping, insincerity, fakery,….none of THAT!

Copyright ©️ Sherry Grant 2019

#blogger #goingplaces #blog #travel #takeoff #sabbatical #guard #abuse #run #standyourground #nototoxicabuse #backfrommysabbatical

Flying Away From Abuse

Our assignment is to help people soar! To help them take off and go places! Our assignment is to help people get their wings back. Where life and circumstances have broken them and blocked their will to get up, we are here to help people HEAL! At least I know I am. But sadly I’m noticing the more transparent people (like me) are about their story, the more the cult aka dysfunctional tainted community, family, work environment, church system tries to blackball, silence, ignore, shun, minimize and inflict more pain on them. It’s this mafia mentality in almost every arena. It’s gross!

Just because you make it seem like you have it all together, doesn’t mean you get to use a bunch of big words, flash your credentials and call people dumb or even use a bunch of religious jargon to put down and insult people who are not where you are, or who are processing real pain and trauma. Even your silence when someone says they’re confused, they don’t understand or they’re hurting is cruel, unbelievable and awful. It’s spiritual malpractice to see a person in pain and be a person who’s equipped to help them and not do anything. Not only that, it’s condescending, belittling and rude. It’s insensitive and emotionally abusive to think you’re better than anyone. But yet, I receive lately so many inbox “interventions” and fake hugs and sarcastic words of encouragement that are just masking self righteousness! It’s mind blowing, belittling and rude. I’m not sure what it’s doing for people when they approach other people as if they are better than them. I don’t know, maybe it makes you feel grandiose, superior and more spiritual than the rest of us mere humans. If you asked me, it actually makes you look even more disingenuous, mean and cruel.

See, where people are is where they are. Some people have been through some really traumatic events. And those experiences are very real for those of us who have gone through them. So even if you think you can’t relate, it still doesn’t give you the right to try and invalidate the pain of someone else or make fun of those of us who have been through horrible experiences. And to make matters worse, those of you who use your knowledge, wisdom or even the scripture as a means to minimize another person’s pain, that’s even more insulting. Believe it or not; people who are working on total healing have knowledge, wisdom and even know God too. So, to tell us to get over what hurt us, or to even try to judge our relationship with God or our intellect because we haven’t healed fast enough for you,…..proves how abusive you have become. It always shows how ineffective you are with all your expertise when you dishonor who we are. Shouldn’t someone with all your knowledge know that’s no way to help heal someone? If you were really such a great man or woman of God, you would be able to see how to help support those of us in need. But no, you’re too busy being superior. Here’s an idea – Wouldn’t it be nice to actually be a kind friend, brother or a sister to someone who you consider beneath you? Maybe that’s asking for too much with you and all your fine constituents busy putting on your events, conferences, services and photo shoots and doing such notable things. Maybe, just maybe helping mentor and encourage and support people who you pretend to care for would actually make a better impact than trying to prove you’re so great and wonderful. See, I hate to burst your bubble but doing that would actually help. Doing that would also mean taking time to discern that someone is struggling in the area of genuine support. That would also mean you getting off your high horse and being sincere for once and having a difficult conversation with someone like me who’s trying to understand how people who are supposed to be nice are so mean. How people who are supposed to represent Jesus don’t seem represent Him at all outside the pulpit.

So, this is exactly why I left the tainted system. This is why I left plastic conversations where people act happy to see you but they are just putting on a show. This is why I left rooms where people are saying one thing with their mouths and another thing in their heart. See, if you’re like me you can feel it. Even when it comes to family and friends and your circle. I can no longer surround myself with people who want to play mind games and act nice nasty. I’m not interested. I am now officially a part of no denomination. I am no longer down with anyone or anything that forces me to force myself to smile, to have to go along and pretend in anyway. I’m not part of the cult. I’m drawn to genuine connections with people who don’t tolerate me anymore. That’s why I am free to even express myself without fear of who will accept me and who won’t. More than anything, I accept me. God accepts me. What a feeling of peace and liberty. To know that God is helping me to soar and go places other people could never take me. I’m not down with any type of abuse and you shouldn’t be either. Whether it’s Family abuse. Friend abuse. Work abuse. Spiritual abuse. Psychological abuse. Count me out. I’m going somewhere great and it doesn’t require me participating in small talk or doing any fake smiling. I’m flying far away from abuse.

Copyright ©️ Sherry Grant 2019

#therealestlifecoach #blogger #goingplaces #blog #people #mentality #travel #mindset #leftthecult #leftthesystem #abuse #flyingawayfromabuse

Don’t stop soaring when people GHOST you!

Fall is probably my favorite season of them all! It’s a Take Off kinda of time in life for me every year! I always feel especially excited and extra grateful during this season. I usually reflect on the year a lot but even more around this time. I take my victories in and smile and even honor the fact that I didn’t give up. That I didn’t let discouragement stop me from trying. I intentionally celebrate my wins, my accomplishments and honor the efforts I made, even the ones that didn’t exactly work out the way I had hoped. I celebrate my failures too because it takes courage to keep trying after what seems to be a failed attempt. I think it’s also an important time of year where I purposely evaluate my relationships. I think about who’s been there for me and do what I can to honor them. I make it a point to almost fight my friends and family when it comes to paying for dinner or lunch. I always want to be able to tangibly bless those who are a blessing to me, even in the small way of feeding them. I consider during this season those who I’ve made sincere attempts to support and be there for. I ask was this a good investment of my time and wisdom? I never want to be naive or wasteful with the resource that I consider myself to be. That’s not being boastful or cocky. It’s true. I am a good friend and realize I deserve that back from people. I consider my presence valuable and anyone who doesn’t share that sentiment, I with nothing but love (self love) withdraw myself from being as accessible in their life. I never want to sweep the obvious under the rug. Especially when it comes to those people in my life who repeatedly ghost me in my greatest time of need. Let me explain.

First of all, I’m not at all what you would consider to be a needy person. On the contrary, I’m pretty independent to the point where some people are often offended by my individuality and independence! Back to my point. When a person ghost you, it means they disappear on you. They withdraw. They become distant and vanish. If you consider the intent behind it, it becomes even more of an issue of integrity and if you’re going somewhere great, this ghosting some people do on you deserves you doing some further investigation into the reason why they’re doing it.

When I was talking to my therapist the other day I brought this whole “ghosting” subject up to her. I told her I’m starting to feel some kind of way by people who say they’re with me and “for me” ghosting me. She calmly looked at me and said “Sherry, I know you well enough to know that anyone in your life who’s ghosting you lately is clearly afraid of you and your growth and your intentionality to be a more authentic you!” She went on to say that my security in who I am can be intimidating and that’s why people that seemed like they understood me are disappearing. They’re ghosting me because I’m getting more comfortable in my skin and that’s scaring them. I was literally sitting there shocked, but I also knew she was spot on right. Maybe the truth is I didn’t want to accept the harsh reality that my growth is frightening to some people.

It made me think how so many people are content with a version of you and I where we are needy and insecure. Where our identity is still in question. Where we are still looking for a crowd to affirm us. Where we look to certain people for their acceptance and validation. Could it be that some people felt good about themselves when we seemed afraid and lacked confidence when it came to our goals and speaking our truth? Think about how many people get their “rocks” off of thinking they are your source of support whether it’s, financial, emotional, physical, ….it’s crazy! To me supporting people should come from a genuine place. It shouldn’t make you feel like you’re making someone when you support them. Support should be intended to help build someone else, not your self esteem. But some people only support you because they think no one else will. They soothe their sick minds by thinking “I’m the only one helping them!” That is until they see other people jumping on board and being a blessing to you. Then they get offended by the fact that your support system is expanding. And that’s when they GHOST YOU!

See, some of these people you been surrounded by like the version of you that’s not getting stronger or better. They like you not having your act together or having people who actually believe in you around you. They like that because they identify with it. You know the old saying “misery loves company.” But as soon as you start going progressing and doing better, those same people take your advancement like it’s an insult. That’s why as soon as you go back to school, church, therapy, dating, enjoying your life or whatever it is where you were getting the strength you needed to pull yourself together,…they get scared and then ghost you.

Some people are scared of you not needing them anymore. They’re afraid of you becoming successful without their help. My advice to you is don’t waste another moment looking for people who ghosted you. Their ghosting you is not even about you anyway. It’s really about them and their feelings of inadequacy. Anyone who would ghost a friend or family member when they should be there cheering them on is not only scared but scary if you asked me. A person who doesn’t back the people they claim to love is someone going through some serious personal issues and instead of being angry with them and confused, let this article remind you that people are running from you because they’re afraid of what you represent. You represent resilience! You represent courage and faith! You represent confidence in the face of adversity and a inner bounce back that they can’t relate to. I’m proud of you. Keep going. Don’t let the people who ghost you get you spooked. If you’re an entrepreneur and your business is struggling and you expected support from people who are ghosting you, get your focus back and realize your vision is not contingent upon people who are afraid of your potential. Go forward anyway. Don’t let them stop you or distract you. Today is a great day. It’s a great season and even if you got ghosted by them, never let it discourage you or stop you from elevating and moving forward.

Copyright ©️ Sherry Grant 2019

#therealestlifecoach #goingplaces #ghosted #somepeopleareafraidofyou #blog #blogger #intimidatedbyyou #mentality #mindset #go #fly #destination #people #travel

Cults Don’t Let You Fly

Ever been made to believe you’re the problem because your opinions, choices, plans, ideas or decisions aren’t pleasing to the group you’re technically supposed to be a part of? It’s crazy how controlling, narcissistic cult like groups will begin to work hard to try and destroy you when you step up and speak your mind. What’s wrong with you speaking your truth? Why’s that so upsetting to some people?

There’s something wrong with a group of people who get upset with you when you’re no longer willing to lie or give political responses and instead say what you believe. There’s something dark about people who get mad and try to bully and shun you when you no longer tolerate their control and abuse. When you begin to see the way some groups use their control to oppress and dominate and then you make a decision that you’re no longer interested. When you decide you are going to start unashamedly thinking for yourself and that if saying yes to them makes you dishonor your own spirit, that you don’t choose to give away that power anymore. This is when you will inevitably be called the devil. You’ll be the one who needs to be talked to. They’ll get together and discuss you as if talking to you is sooo hard. Controllers always work hard to make you seem unreasonable for having a different opinion than theirs. Don’t let them manipulate you. I believe they do this because they have to gang up on you. They are utterly powerless without “support” to do whatever they have to do and they lack integrity when it comes to their agenda. The flying monkeys aka puppets they have under their hypnotic power will try to use their charm to get you alone so they can talk “some sense into you.” This is nothing more than gaslighting. Gaslighting is a technique often used by narcissistic people who love to manipulate and make other people feel like they’re wrong for standing up to their abuse. Don’t fall for it. Stand your ground.

What’s so wrong with people having their own ideas and perspectives anyway? What’s wrong with approaching your life the way you feel is best? Nothing, unless you are trying to break free from a cult or a cult like family, Mother, father, church, group or community,… The whole idea of freethinking and being an individual with creativity and passion for experiencing your own life in your own way is often frowned upon by people connected to narcissistic thinking. Usually, the narcissistic family strongly believes that their image and reputation is more important than the self esteem, support and love of the person they have all of this “concern” for. Most of these people are actually more concerned about how they’re going to be perceived if you don’t do the right things with your life. Selfish agenda! They seem to feel that you owe them your undying allegiance and compliance in life without question. Don’t involve financial support in the equation, then they use that to make you even more of a slave to their control and abuse.

They ultimately believe they know what’s best for you, above God or anyone or anything else. They pretty much feel like their expectations and their expertise need to be followed to a T. They have a superiority complex and their grandiose ideas about who they are will often be projected onto you. They feel as though they own you and you are a piece of property they have acquired. This is how they can discard you and treat you so poorly when you don’t agree with or go along with their plans for your life. It is a form of domestic violence but often covert abusers say a lot of harmful things and follow it with statements like “I’m only saying this because I love you, I only want the best for you, blah blah blah,….

These control freaks believe in their minds that they have somehow sacrificed so much for you, so this makes you now obligated to do whatever they think you should do. This is why you have to go to their alma mater. You’re obligated to wear their hand me down wedding dress, stay at the family church, pledge the same fraternity or sorority and the list goes on and on. Most people, until they grow up and become secure and self differentiated, have this unreasonable desire to please their parents which is why they go along to with their often outrageous demands and will even convince themselves that “mother, father, community knows best.” These same individuals who drink the kool aid end up going along to get along and unfortunately grow old, bitter and resentful because they actually never did anything they wanted.

Some of you today are fully invested in careers, businesses, relationships and pursuits that you hate and the only reason you’re knee deep in doing what you’re doing is because someone you wanted to please told you to do it. Sure, you asked for their advice, but that doesn’t mean you had to take it, does it? Some of you didn’t ask for their advice, but you shared your plans with them because you care too much about what they think. Why do you need their agreement with so much of your life plans is the real question? Why are you still needing to share your every move with them and then you get upset when they tell you they think you should do something else? Stop looking for them to give you the green light on every single decision you have to make. This is cult like thinking. You’re so drenched in this model that it’s going to take some time for you unlearn this and stop looking for them to say they approve or not. Most of what you’re trying to avoid when you look for their involvement and approval is the rejection or the shunning that takes place when you become a self defined person.

It’s scary but can I tell you that it’s necessary for you to live out your life’s purpose on this flight called life. Cults don’t let people fly. As a matter of fact they thrive on keeping people in their place! You’re not meant to live in a box. Break away from the controllers. Break away from the people who only want you in their life if you’re a yes person controlled by the system they identify with. Be free! That is when you’ll begin to soar and go to destinations you never thought possible. Get free from the opinions of people and go to your next level!

Copyright ©️ Sherry Grant 2019

#therealestlifecoach #travel #leavethecult #leavingthecult #freefromcontrol #groupthinking #mindset #individual #flying #destination #blog #blogger #cultsdontletpeoplefly

Want Validation?

Validation: the recognition or affirmation that a person or their feelings or opinions are valid or worthwhile.

This is one of the reasons many people never take off in life and even if it seems that they have, psychologically they really don’t go anywhere great because they don’t feel validated! I know, you don’t need anyone’s validation right? Wrong! You do. This is why you get upset when you don’t feel seen or accepted by certain people. It’s because you want their approval. Admit it. You do. But here’s the problem, even after they give it to you, you want more. Wanting validation is a trap. It’s never enough until you resolve you are enough.

See, you could have all the credentials in the world and look good on paper, but a resume is still just a resume. Who you are and who you believe you are is really an inside job. Most people never really take off because no matter how much validation they get, they never really believe it. Then there is this constant need for it, this unending need to feel needed. This insatiable appetite for more affirmation and acceptance, this is how you know you still need to work through some issues. Like seriously, I can see if you’re a young child or even a teenager; you do need affirmation. When a person is growing up they need more emotional support and affirmation than a healthy adult should. I have two adult children and a teenager and the amount of attention and praise and encouragement I give my teenager is substantial to what my adult children receive from me and that’s absolutely appropriate! In the event an “adult” is upset because they’re not being praised or encouraged as much as a child is, this is an indicator that the adult needs an adjustment in their perspective of what’s reasonable versus what’s unreasonable support.

I’ve never seen a healthy adult get upset on an airplane when the flight crew gives a child access to the pilot and even those complimentary “wings” they hand out to them as a way of encouraging them and making them feel comfortable on their flight. This is what all of us who are older and more experienced in life and mature are supposed to do for others. We should be helping give people their “wings” and supporting them on this flight called life. We give out wings when we love without strings. When we go out of our way to show kindness and grace. We give out wings when we pray for and encourage others. We shouldn’t ever feel jealous or envious when we see someone getting wings. We shouldn’t make it about us and ever feel some kind of way when someone else is being affirmed or validated. Made me think about how it was when I was growing up a Preachers kid in church. While we were (my brothers and I) the ones who were always there, we didn’t always get affirmed when we should have because the idea behind it was “let’s not make anyone else feel bad.” But shouldn’t we be free to applaud those who are doing significant things instead of worrying about offending those who aren’t? In school they give out grades according to what you earn, not focusing on making underachievers feel good about their lack of excellence.

This is why I refuse to minimize impactful people or dim the light on greatness to protect the self esteem of people who aren’t making the same effort. Life’s not like that. You don’t get to live in the same house as someone who’s working harder than you. I mean hopefully not. The point is, it’s unfair to create an environment that places MVP and Allstar effort at the same level as benchwarmers. They don’t do it in the NBA, NFL, Music Industry, Corporate world, why should you do it all anywhere either? Celebrate greatness! Applaud excellence in others the same way you want it done for you. Wouldn’t you be ticked if you did six figure work and got paid minimum wage money? Apply the same level of principle to others as you want for yourself. This is not a daycare. This is life and the flight is so much more enjoyable when we stop pretending we don’t want to soar!

Copyright ©️ Sherry Grant 2019

#therealestlifecoach #goingplaces #travel #takeoff #people #mentality #mindset #blogger #blog #validation #wantvalidation

Complaint Department

Airlines are responsible for helping people travel to their desired destination. They are huge companies made up of a lot of people and departments that help the whole system run smoothly. If you wanted to discuss something about the ticket you just purchased, you wouldn’t go to the baggage claim department for that. If you wanted to speak with someone about how dissatisfied you were with the meal you ate on the plane, it certainly wouldn’t be the same people who run the airport or the parking at the airport.

The point I’m making is that many of you are doing this sort of thing as you travel through life and it’s ridiculous. You’re talking to the wrong people about your issues. One of the most baffling things to observe is a person talking to everyone except the very person they need to talk to when they’re upset. How does that make sense? How does that resolve anything? As a matter fact, let’s be honest and recognize that most of the people who operate this way don’t want to come to a healthy resolution. Instead they want to be right. Let’s be real, this is all about ego. Then it turns into an all out smear campaign against someone you’re offended with who most of the time doesn’t even know or care. Let’s call a spade a spade. If you’re really upset and want to see a situation settled and cleared up, the last thing you would do is jump to a bunch of conclusions and make awful accusations before you speak to the person you’re angry with. In the same way, you wouldn’t go talk to someone in a department who has nothing to do with your issue! Would you? Would that fix anything?

Much of the drama and confusion I see when it comes to the people I know who have the potential to go great places is simply a matter of maturity. Yep! I said it. It’s infantile behavior. This concept of going great places is a matter of having more than book smarts. You’re going to have to up your emotional IQ and learn how to speak to the people you need to speak to calmly, respectfully and directly. You’re going to have to open up your mouth and have difficult conversations without being rude and disrespectful. You’re going to have to get alone with yourself and confront the ratchet, abnormal, disgusting, duplicitous and condescending attitude you have before you can confront other people on their issues. It really is a character issue that’s keeping you from taking off. And if you can’t understand how dysfunctional it is to handle simple trivial situations different than the ways you currently do, you my friend are the main problem. Check your environment and the people who help you stay immature. People who don’t have the courage to tell you that you’re acting like a child and that this conversation needs to stop here. Even when you call a company with an issue, they’ll ask you a few questions to determine where your call needs to be directed. Some of you need people in your life who aren’t afraid to tell you “this conversation needs to be had with another department!” Tell these drama queens and chaotic kings who want to pull you into their mess, this needs to be a discussion between you and your mom and your dad. This conversation needs to be directed to your coworker Bob, not me. This conversation needs to be had with your sister or brother. Tell them they’re complaining to the wrong department.

If you’re ever going to enjoy this journey called life, you’ve got to stop allowing yourself to be the unofficial complaint department. If you’re not careful, you will get a reputation for being messy, untrustworthy and two faced. You will undoubtedly be considered part of the problem if you keep entertaining the issues of others that have nothing to do with you. Sitting around listening to a bunch of stupid opinions and emotional issues and you’re hardly the one qualified to give out the right revelation for these matters. But you’re drawn to stuff that you can relate to so that’s how you know this is above your pay grade. Some of you know you’re above your head entrenched in mess and if you don’t unlearn this unhealthy way of “being there for people,” you’re going to create an even bigger mess. You will look around and have you a bunch of negative people comfortable coming to you with garbage on a regular basis. My advice is simple; MIND YOUR BUSINESS. All that stuff you need to clean up in your own life, now you know you are dead wrong getting wrapped up in someone else’s drama. Work on yourself. Send them right over to another department. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you need to be a open garbage can for them to dump on you. Most of the stuff we say when we’re upset is downright stupid anyway. It’s irrational and silly. That’s why you’ve got to learn where to take your complaints!

King David, the writer of many complaints aka psalms or songs in the Bible said “When my heart is overwhelmed lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” He was talking about The Lord! Whatever you consider to be higher than you, go there when you’re in a bad state. Don’t go low. Go high. Go to someone who is going to help you think better. Go to the doctor, therapist, teacher, preacher, counselor. Don’t go to people who are just as childish and carnal as you and expect Godly wisdom. I ask you to even consider making prayer the first place you go when you’re confused and upset. Before you got to social media and throw off your subliminal messages to the people you’re made at, talk to God. Before you go to people who love you who are hugely responsible for your emotional instability because they’re always the first to defend your mess, talk to God. And after you do that, maybe then you’ll have cooled down and have enough insight and sense not to ruin another good relationship. The right complaint department is more than able to handle your complaints.

Copyright ©️ Sherry Grant 2019

#therealestlifecoach #travel #people #takeoff #mentality #mindset #blog #goingplaces #blogger #department #go

Stop Traveling HANGRY

The last flight I was on I was super hungry! I remember it vividly, probably because I’m hungry right now and didn’t have breakfast. On that last flight I was on with my Eddie I was starving. My stomach was growling. I was irritated and annoyed, extremely hungry. I was so hungry I got angry. I think they call that HANGRY.

Even though I was on a wonderful trip to a destination I wanted to travel to, my enjoyment was on pause because I had neglected to take care of a very important personal need. Feeding my hunger was and is my responsibility! Sometimes we get mad at other people for not feeding us, but unless we are little children who rely on our parents to feed us, we need to grow up and do what’s necessary to feed our own needs. That’s a whole message, but let me stay on track.

This entire idea of traveling HANGRY got me to thinking about how many people are doing the same thing through life. Are you guilty of tripping because you may be HANGRY? Going to work snapping on people because you didn’t eat before you got there. Are you in the habit of leaving home hungry and as a result always short tempered, angry and frustrated?? See, I’m not even limiting this to the natural food we eat, but maybe many of you or the difficult people around you are depressed, anxious, moody and upset all the time because of simply missing out on feeding their spirit, body and soul. You could be spiritually malnourished and even be faithful when it comes to reading your Bible and going to church and praying. That just makes you religious and HANGRY, but if you were being fed from the right source or motivation, you would be full and complete. But if you’re not in agreement in your daily thought life and habits and what you feed your inner man, you may be unable to digest what’s needed for you to stop being HANGRY all the time! Can I get an Amen?!

I got the chance to keep a little baby I love for a few hours the other day and she takes formula from a bottle, but she was smashing those French fries I was sneaking her. And what’s even more interesting is, her brothers said she napped a lot longer than she normally does; and I know it was because she was full off of more than milk. Preach! Some of you are full of it but not full of the right things. You’ll be surprised how much better everything and everyone in your life would be if you got FULL.

So many people are starving in the area of wisdom, substance and depth and they think they need to pretend to be smart and know everything. Someone needs to come along and tell them that it’s ok to be honest and admit you don’t know it all. Pride will keep you HANGRY. Let’s be honest, all of us are lacking in some area. Some people are starved in the area of self esteem and think that the more attention they get from external sources the better off they’ll be. They seek likes on social media and applause from the crowd to fill their void. Maybe these same people overachieve to try and gain more acceptance and approval and yet they still are easily wounded and offended by every little thing. Maybe the more degrees or credentials they get and the more accomplishments they have they think they’ll be better off only to be disappointed that it’s still not enough. It’s like having destination addiction. People who have this addiction are HANGRY all the time and they seem to believe that WHEN THEY GET “THERE” then and only then will they experience real happiness.

Newsflash: If you can’t find contentment where you are today, no amount of money, fame, or success will make you feel complete. Actor Jim Carey who has been very open and vocal about his struggles with mental health said “I wish everyone got all the money, success and fame they dreamed of, so they could see that it’s still not enough.” That’s deep and so good. I really hope some of you catch that.

Can I tell my real life coachable friends that as of today- you are enough! That nothing you do is going to make you valuable when you already are! And until you believe that you will think you need to acquire more stuff on the outside to enjoy peace on the inside. But here’s the hard truth; peace is an inside job. It’s not your spouses job. It’s not your children’s job or family or friends. It’s not the job of anyone else to bring you peace. You’ve got to feed yourself a diet that keeps you FULL and from always becoming upset and HANGRY! It’s not your therapist or pastors job to do the work that are responsible for. And what you’ve got to reconcile in your heart and mind is that peace is your right and it’s your job to find it and keep it. You must pursue peace more than you pursue things and acceptance from man.

It’s all a matter of what you’re hungry for. If you’re hungry for the right things you won’t live this life HANGRY.

Matthew 6:30- 34 “If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

“Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

Stop traveling HANGRY! You will have such a different life when you unlearn your chaotic way of thinking and chase after the right things.

Copyright ©️ Sherry Grant 2019

#therealestlifecoach #blogger #blog #hangry #choices #peace #travel #contentment #pursuit #destination #mentality #mindset #people #maturity

Genuine Support?

There’s nothing like having support and encouragement around you. As a leader and someone responsible for vision, plans and inspiration; having support can literally make the difference in a person or movement taking off or crashing and burning. I am not saying a person or vision can’t soar without the assistance or support of outside forces, but the probability of something going somewhere great and it being enjoyable has a lot to do with the right people coming on board.

This is a reflective season for me where I’m evaluating my life and the people in it. I’m taking an honest assessment when it comes to the things I have leadership over and the “team” that’s working with me. Asking myself is this really a supportive team? Do the people assembled actually care and are they emotionally intelligent enough to partner with me in moving a vision forward? Do I get encouragement in return for the constant encouragement, hope and vision I give out? These are always end of year questions I have to ask myself before entering into a new year.

See, vision can be overwhelming. Ask any visionary and they’ll tell you, a vision is only as amazing as the people giving it legs. The legs or the support of a vision has to be intentional and purposeful. When it’s not, everything can become routine and dry and that can be exhausting. Especially when the visionary is trying to remain creative, organized, encouraged and focused. This is why the right support is so important. If the demands of moving a team and vision aren’t supported by people with a good attitude and maturity level that helps to keep it authentic and still fun and enjoyable, the trip will undoubtedly become a TRIP.

It occurred to me that I’m often super excited and focused on making things happen and then when some of the people who say they’re with me during different seasons but aren’t really with me, when they show up; the life and morale in the room lessens, enthusiasm dwindles and overall plans seem to shut down and lose steam. That is until I reset and make whatever necessary adjustments within my mind and spirit to push forward and remind myself this is my burden! This is my vision. This is my idea and dream and I’m responsible for it staying alive. That’s a powerful place to come to. Where I basically say that there are no negative, dry, uninspired people powerful enough to make me feel like giving up on me and my dreams and goals!

This is what I want to encourage you with today! The dreams and plans you have are worth being supported. And you shouldn’t have to beg people to come alongside you and work with you. As a matter of fact when they’re the right people, their motives will be pure and they will help you and not discourage you. Sometimes, we just have to see the heart of people when things are not complete yet. We need to see who respects us before we become a public success. We need to find out who really believes in and trust our vision before the world does. We need to see who claps for us before the crowds do and then we can truly move forward and appreciate the authentic team that’s really there to support us for real, for real.

Sadly, there are many people who will never be able to genuinely support or encourage someone else’s plans. Those are not your people. This is definitely not your dream team. This is a season of developing greater courage within when you have a wishy washy, indifferent, aloof group of people gathered around your hearts plans. While it may give you some sense of support having people present when you share your ideas, I’m learning that it’s better to have the right ones and not just settle for warm bodies there! I’d much rather have true people who support me than people filling up space with no life and no joy! My goal is to have people around me who leap with joy when they hear vision! That what’s in them comes to life when they connect with what’s in me!

Whether you’re a Christian or not, this story in the Bible is appropriate for this discussion. It’s when Mary, Jesus’ mother and Elizabeth the mother of John reunite. They are both expecting their sons at the same time. and when John’s mother greets Jesus’ mother; the baby John leaped in his mother’s womb! WOW! That’s the kind of team members I want! That we ignite and excite one another! I don’t want to always be the one encouraging and trying to bring hope and enthusiasm!!

This story got me excited because it’s basically showing that it’s possible for people to be happy for you and what’s going on in your life! That Elizabeth’s unborn son gets excited about Jesus before he even arrives! John would be one of the greatest supporters of Jesus later in life, but this is proof that he was always excited about him! Before he was even born he was jumping and clapping for him. That’s support! I’m learning to keep my plans or my ideas when they’re not fully together or developed to myself until I can find people like Elizabeth! You should do the same!

Don’t share your heart with people who don’t light up when you’re in their presence. This is not to be conceited or arrogant, but it’s whack to have to lessen your enthusiasm and passion because people around you don’t have any. Some people are only happy when it’s their plans or ideas. But when you find people who are sincerely happy for what’s going on with and in you, you found the right friends. They’re not supporting you from a half hearted posture. They’re as happy for you as they are for what’s inside of them! I make an effort to be that for many and I’m blessed to have support and be a support. How about you?

Copyright ©️ Sherry Grant 2019

#therealestlifecoach #people #travel #mindset #trip #goingplaces #emotionalintelligence #mindset #mentality #takeoff #blog #blogger #perspective #support #supportive #leap #passion #dry #enthusiastic

Improvement?

Most airlines or better yet successful companies welcome feedback from their customers. They want to know what people have to say about their experience flying with them, traveling with them, shopping with them. Not so they can hear nothing but happy reviews, but for the obvious reason – they want to see how they can IMPROVE. When was the last time you sat down and thought about the many ways you can improve your life? Well?!! When was it? Most people hate this kind of stuff because it requires work. You confronting your laziness, when was the last time you did that? You being real with yourself about how you’re really your worse enemy. See, only a delusional person would think they are so wonderful that they don’t need to keep making things better. It should be that we are always pushing ourselves to think better especially when it comes to our lives, our integrity and reputation. We should constantly be looking for ways to grow and become more excellent. The average person is looking for ways to do the least possible. To put forth the minimal effort in everything. Are you guilty of trying to slide and coast through life? If you can’t even admit it, there’s no use in you even reading anymore of this.

I’m sick of people claiming growth and they don’t want to try anything but eat sleep and play! It’s pitiful. When do you plan on getting serious about your goals? Unfortunately, we live in such a narcissistic culture today where people are quick to label feedback and criticism as hate. Stop calling everyone your hater! Most of the people you call haters don’t like you because you think you’re better than you are and they probably see how you could be something if you weren’t so full of yourself. It’s sad. No one can say anything to many people these days. Everyone is so fixed on claiming their independence and their right be stupid. I hope no one ever loves me enough to lie to me. I don’t want anyone feeling as if they have to sit back and watch me make a fool of myself and not speak up. Whether it’s uncomfortable or not, I want to know. Especially since I demand accountability from the people in my life. I don’t just welcome it, I open myself up to be challenged and critiqued on a regular basis. I need this information because I want to be able to handle MORE. I want to be trusted with more responsibility so I have to religiously evaluate my own way of thinking and living.

I am determined to see the results of a life well lived and I know it won’t happen with me taking a casual approach to my own elevation. I need everything in my life working at the maximum capacity if I ever plan on getting “there.” And trust me I do plan on making it to the place that matches my destiny!!!

Copyright ©️ Sherry Grant 2019

#therealestlifecoach #travel #blog #blogger #mentality #takeoff #challengeme #holdmeaccountable #feedback #growth #mindset #people #places #evaluateyourself #excuses