When People Love Their Toxic Lives

Save your breath when you keep trying to help people take off in life and they start treating you different. You know when you’re being dissed because you’re not going along with the status quo anymore and you’re actually telling people the real deal. That’s when people want to act all funny with you. It’s called reverse psychology when people try to make you feel bad for calling them on their crap. It’s a great way to see what kind of person you’re dealing with when telling them the truth makes them stop wanting to be around you. See, when a person genuinely wants to grow and go somewhere better in life, they will do whatever they have to do to see radical change take place. When they don’t, they’ll try to make it seem like you hurt their feelings or you did something wrong. There are some seriously manipulative people out here! These streets aren’t safe. You can’t be friends with people these days anymore when you speak up and say naw, that’s not cool. They will literally start trying to give you the cold shoulder and limit their access to you when you cross them and tell them they’re responsible for all their problems. They will start to deal with you like you’re a bad person instead of addressing their stuff.

I’ve noticed that a lot of people are actually in love with their toxic life. I was watching this show about people with strange addictions and the lady on it was addicted to eating mattresses. Even though she knew it was not a healthy move, she couldn’t stop. She had eaten a total of eight mattresses and was now sneaking in her Mom’s bedroom to eat hers too. This blew me away and I saw it as such a dramatic illustration on how faulty thinking can get so out of control. When you get to the place where you can’t stop doing the very things that are destroying you, that’s when you need a friend that will hold you accountable. But that’s too much for people who love their toxic life.

When you love your toxic life you make enemies out of people who try to warn you that you’re headed down a dangerous path. Even this lady who couldn’t stop eating mattresses had a brother who was genuinely there for her. He was constantly trying to get her to stop but she wouldn’t listen. She wouldn’t get any help. He said he felt completely helpless watching his sister destroy her insides consuming all these mattresses. He went onto say that he knows it’s only a matter of time before the effects of his sister’s strange addiction would be catastrophic. He didn’t want to see things end bad for his loved one, but what more could he do?

Many of you are at the same place as this brother today. You want people that you love to stop taking in and taking on things that are detrimental to their well being. But let’s be honest, you can’t control anyone but yourself. When we start talking about making someone else stop doing what they love doing- we are probably setting ourselves up for a lot of heartache and frustration. The bottom line is – YOU CANNOT MAKE ANYONE CHANGE THEIR MIND! If people you love want to destroy themselves, as much as you want to nag, scream, preach and cry; they will not change until they want to. In the meantime, if you’re aiding them in their dysfunction, you’re part of the problem too. If there’s someone you think you’re so responsible for and they don’t listen to any wisdom or sound advice, stop 🛑. Stop helping. Stop talking. Stop giving. Move out of the way so they can come to themselves.

In the meantime, find a sense of purpose for your life outside of your dysfunctional family or friends. Get a hobby. Volunteer somewhere and make a difference. Find something to do with your time other than trying to fix someone who enjoys being broken. Leave delusional people alone with their lies and let them figure it out. After you’ve talked and talked yourself until you’re blue in the face, Try this. “Oh, so you think doing that is normal?” Ask them if they really want to handle the consequences of living such a reckless life? And if you see them continuing in their destructive behavior, back away and MIND YOUR BUSINESS.

It’s not your job to manage the life of another person anyway. I have three children, two are adults and one is 17. I have no say over what they do and how they live. They make their own choices and even the 17 year old knows we don’t make her do anything. She has to decide her path. We are only here to support her and offer wisdom, not force it down her throat. Some people think they’re supposed to force their views on others. They think well, that’s my family. But family doesn’t mean ownership. You actually don’t own anyone but yourself. Slavery is illegal. But if you’re in a cult family, you probably think everyone owns each other. What’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine. There’s no self definition and what’s worse, NO RESPECT FOR INDIVIDUALITY.

If everyone in your family needs to do what you or the cult family leader says, that’s a toxic system. Cult families control people so much that many of them end up finding themselves addicted. Addiction ends up being the only way to cope with the unhealthy system of control. Why should people have to check in with someone at the “top” for approval if they’re free? A lot of cult- ish families are over close to the point of it being weird, almost like there is some kind of emotional incest or actual incest. This is not good for someone who says their going places. It’s also not good for your mental health to be so fused with other people where there is no individuality or authenticity from you. When people only believe what their mother and father taught them to believe, something is not normal about that. Where’s your brain? When do you think for yourself? When do you live your life? It’s possible that you could be strangely addicted to your family of origin. That’s what codependency is. It’s the abnormal need for approval from another source to the point of addiction.

Break away from obligatory attachments, set some boundaries, decide what you want your life to look like and articulate it. Then look around and see who’s still there. Refuse to sit there and watch people destroy their lives. Make a decision that your peace and sanity is not up for debate. You have the potential and gifting to go somewhere amazing, but the only way to do that is to challenge your faulty thinking, commit to some healthy friendships and do the work to see a better life. You need support to take off in life and that’s why you can’t afford to sit around and watch people carry on with their strange addictions. That’s not good for you to keep seeing. If people want to be weird leave them alone to do it. You have a great future ahead of you and you can’t allow their abnormal thinking to make you think this stuff is normal. Some of these people you’re entangled with are messed up. Not that they can’t be saved, but let’s be real; do they want to? Be honest. They’re not even trying to get their lives on track and so now you have to ask yourself is your always being available for them actually helping enable them?

This year is almost over. Get your priorities in order. Move forward with your life and refuse to wait for people who want to be weird to catch up.

Copyright ©️ Sherry Grant 2019

#goingplaces #therealestlifecoach #mystrangeaddiction #mentality #traveltips #takeoff #people #mindset #growth #mattresses #soaring #codependency #toxic #families #toxicity #cultishmentalities #control

dear people who want to take off,

I want to take off too! Most of us are really hoping and praying and working to see our lives move forward to our highest potential! But let’s be honest, we can’t accomplish this and go anywhere amazing if we don’t get real and honest with ourselves and others around us. This is where I’m currently at and it’s not always going to be received well. I get that. So, my dream to keep elevating is more important to me than making complacent people comfortable in their cess pool of pretending. I believe that one of the most dysfunctional ways we have been conditioned to handle other people’s bad behavior in this cult- ure is to act like it doesn’t exist. We have been taught to pretend we don’t know things when we see them. We have been programmed to act as if what’s dead wrong is all good as long as we smile and keep acting. Personally, I can’t.

A lot of people on this flight called life have actually deluded themselves into believing being “the (supposed) bigger person,” and “letting your light shine” (which is a gross misapplication of scripture when taken out of context) is the way to win against evil. Think about how ridiculous that really is and how opposite it is from what Jesus, the prophets and those who stood as Biblical heroes handled misconduct. The whole idea that people should just get over it is also NOT at all very moral or characteristic of someone with actual real integrity who’s healing and growing up. The way I see it is, if there’s a dark space in your home that’s been neglected and taken over by rodents, insects and darkness; would a person in their right mind say “No, I’m just going to go ahead and love that room unconditionally and require no improvement or change!” Would a sensible person say it’s ok for you to be the only room in this house full of chaos and we will all deal with whatever comes along with you staying the same way you’ve always been. “You stay dirty while we all ignore it!” Of course not, you would go in there with your light and expose the parts that have been the way they’ve been for so long to provoke change. You would go in with brooms and mops and cleaning supplies and work on that space because you demand to live in an atmosphere that’s conducive for you to feel safe and at home. Yet, the way some of us have convinced ourselves on how to handle toxic people and crappy situations blows my mind.

If there’s something going on around you that’s interfering with your joy and peace; aren’t you going to fix it? If you’re really going places in life you can’t ignore things forever. You’ve got to be sober and realistic because things are not just going to work out on their own in most cases. On the contrary, like the dark room overrun with mice and roaches, it’s going to get worse and spread into other areas of your life if you don’t do something to transform it. Transformation takes a radical strategic plan and aggressive approach. You can’t sit back and except things to just happen with little to no effort.

No use in trying to compartmentalize the drama in your life and avoid cleaning it up. It’s still not going anywhere until you address it. Ignoring your stuff is not a responsible way to handle your take off! I would even venture to say, unchecked trauma will come back and take away from everything you’re working for! My advice today is simple for my real life coachable friends. Deal with the crap that you have control over. Don’t keep allowing this passive mentality to keep you from taking charge over what’s directly effecting you. Don’t think you can rest and just sit back and pretend pray about whatever it is that’s dark in your life when you have the authority to get your life on the path you want be on. It’s not anyone else’s job to confront the darkness in your life. You decide what you’re ok with and what you’re not ok with and then keep it moving. Keep going. Don’t allow people to shame you for speaking your truth. That’s a classic technique of those with the cultish mindset. They’ll try to mock you and make fun of you for addressing things that vex you. They’ll paint a picture about you that says you’re the problem because you’re speaking up. They’ll label you as mean, harsh and unkind. They’ll make it seem like you’re difficult for wanting to deal with the dysfunctional mess you see and the toxic ways you’ve been handled. Don’t let their gaslighting hinder you from getting your healing. You don’t have to pretend you’re ok with anything crappy that’s happened in your life and you don’t have to swallow whatever crap they hope to shove in your face for you to accept.

I tell the crappy people who want me to prove that I’m a good person to them, jump in a lake. I’m not obligated to accept anything that disrespects me or devalues my value or worth. Try that on some weak minded person, not me. Tell the messy people who have so many opinions about your life to go away. Tell them that just because they don’t love themselves it doesn’t mean you have to accept the drama and foolery they put up with. If they choose to tolerate mess, that’s fine for them. Don’t let people manipulate you into bottling up your emotions for their comfort. Sometimes speaking the truth makes those living a lie feel some kind of way. Not my problem. I’m determined to go somewhere great! This means I have to free myself of anything that’s sent to weigh me down. For me, being fake and pretending to be something I’m not is not helpful for my ascent nor a way to honor my authentic voice. I have something to say and the things I’ve gone through are not open to be edited by people who love pretending they don’t have a truth either. Sorry that your real experiences don’t match your fake persona. Get well.

Love, The Realest Life Coach

#dearpeoplewhowanttotakeoff #goingplaves #travel #traveltips #goingsomewheregreat #blogger #blog #people #mindset #mentality #persona #authentic #therealestlifecoach #crappypeople

Do You Need Permission To Travel?

Unless you’re in a cult, or a cult like relationship you should feel free to go wherever you want to go on this journey called life. Free people have no need to get permission to take off and fly! I don’t even have to ask my husband for permission to go somewhere I want to go. And don’t get me wrong, I value his opinions and don’t make decisions that dishonor his place in my life. I’m just saying we have a relationship that’s totally based on love, honor and respect, so he knows I wouldn’t try to go anywhere that he doesn’t want me to go. That’s a whole message right there. But this whole idea of needing permission made my wheels turn this morning. I started thinking maybe the reason so many adults are walking around saying they’re stuck is really because their mentality is so programmed by a cult model.

Maybe the way people have been brought up is the reason why this intense need for control operates in so many families, organizations, cult- ures and communities. Are we confusing loyalty with control? Submission with slavery and bondage? Could it be that you have to get permission to go places in life because the people at the proverbial top in your life really don’t want you to take off and actually go somewhere great? Could their need for so much control be rooted in fear that you might leave them behind? Has keeping the band together limited you from being the star in your own show?

The team of people I lead is full of people from different backgrounds and many of them are used to having to get permission to do everything. Some of them are so programmed by the cult -ure that they feel guilty when they want to jump on a plane and take a holiday somewhere. They feel guilty when they have to miss something. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting that people be all over the place and irresponsible when it comes to their assignment and things they’ve said yes to. I’m saying, no adult man or woman should feel like they can’t go somewhere without being reprimanded or chastised when they return. So what do I do when dealing with people who have been abused by past leadership because that’s all it is,..

I calmly look at these dear hearts and tell them, You are free to go wherever you want to go and the next time you think you need to ask permission DON’T. After all, who am I to be giving adults permission to go somewhere they obviously want to go? And what happens if for some reason I happen to tell you no you can’t go? How am I going to tell you that you’re not allowed to go somewhere you want to go? Then all I can expect is for you to stay and sit up in my face mad at me for holding you back. Ha! Naw fam! Please go! This is why so many people resent their families, relationships, churches and organizations because they feel like they’re in bondage rather than free to fly!

The bottom line is all of us should be free to go wherever we want. As a matter of fact, we should be associated with other free people who encourage us to fly as often as we can. Shucks, if I could travel every week to a different region I would and maybe one day I will. And if God forbid anyone is mad at me for taking off, I’m still going! See, when I go places, I actually go where I go on purpose which leads me to my next point as to why so many people don’t take off in life. Maybe it’s because they don’t know their purpose so they keep going from place to place trying to fit in and find it. Insert churchy organ music 🎵. I believe with my whole heart that when you figure out what you’re here to do, you won’t have to run all around the earth trying to find fulfillment. You’ll actually find ways to be purposeful everyday of your life wherever you are. This is how you keep your own heart stirred and passionate when it comes to your commitments and priorities.

Can you be open and honest about your own mentality today? When was the last time you sat down and evaluated what’s priority in your life? If what you seem to be doing is not impacting anyone else in a tangible way, no wonder you keep asking for permission to fly around and see what’s out there. You’re searching for a way to make a difference. If you’re not making a difference now, please don’t make excuses for being such an ineffective person. Not with all the creativity and gifting you have inside of you. Maybe the environment and circles you flow in aren’t challenging you enough. I’m sorry, you gotta move to a place that will help activate and stir up your gifts. If people in your cult – ure curse you for flying out of their control, you’re definitely in a cult. If they shun you and DIS courage you for flying that’s a sign you’re under a group that is operating out of witchcraft and control. Let me say this loud and clear; using this article as a basis for you to be a rebellious person who’s not accountable and answers to no one is not at all what I’m saying. I’m saying you should be free and freedom makes you more accountable to the people who you’re committed to.

My prayer is that you figure out what your life purpose is and realize you can do it anywhere, but when you’re in the right atmosphere you actually want to do it! Some of you are so sad and downcast and you’re trying to prove you’re a noble person by sticking it out in toxic cult – ures. You’re trying to keep yourself encouraged but you’re not enthusiastic or on fire anymore. You’re waiting for the clock to strike 12 on New Year’s Eve for you to all of a sudden be passionate about your purpose again. This whole concept of joy and passion for life and your calling has to start with you. Who are you hanging out with? Are they sarcastic, dry, joyless, apathetic people who haven’t been given permission when it comes to their dreams either? Are they still waiting for someone to wave a magic wand over them and they suddenly become something other than what they are today? No fairy Godmother, Leader, Father, Pastor, Big Sister, Brother, Friend Circle or Network has the power to make you snap out of the sunken place you’re in as it relates to your destiny. Don’t put that on anyone else. Don’t keep saying when you get a husband, wife, family, the money you need for your business then you’ll have permission to be happy. No one is powerful enough to give you permission to live and take off in life. You have always been free to make your life better. Stop giving that much power to the cult- ure you’re in. I recently watched a grown woman join a group and say “I finally made it.” Saddest thing I ever heard someone say. To actually believe your life is now worth something when you join a stupid group! When we give people the authority to make us valid, we simultaneously give them the power should they decide to make us invalid. I decide my own worth. I give myself permission to go as far as I have the vision for my life. While I honor my commitments and the people who have made a great impact on my life, there is no person alive who has permission to give me permission on how high I can fly on this flight called life.

Copyright ©️Sherry Grant 2019

#therealestlifecoach #goingplaces #takeoff #permissiontogofar #whodecides #acult #cult #organization #control #people #mentality #mindset #free #traveltips

I’m Taking Flight With People Who Inspire Me!

Are the people that you’re traveling with encouraging you or depressing you? Are they able to challenge you to greatness or do they help you stay stagnant or stuck? You know it makes a monumental difference who you travel with? If you’ve ever been on a trip anywhere with people who suck the living joy out of you, you’re probably never going anywhere with them again. That is, if you’re in your right mind. Notice I prefaced my statement by saying “IF YOU’RE IN YOUR RIGHT MIND!” The way you think and how much crap you’re willing to put up with, or not is going to have a lot to do with how much courage you have! I’ve been teaching a great bit lately on the heart. It’s really made me evaluate how much courage I have for life and my assignment and calling. It’s also important to realize what eats away at your courage, even down to who has the ability to DIS – courage! I have really started taking a greater inventory in my life on who and what impacts my joy on this flight called life. I made up my mind that life is too short to tolerate foolishness, so when people and circumstances expose their intentions, I make the necessary adjustments to change my environment!!!!!!!!!!

See, the bottom line is you’ve got to be honest with yourself! How many of these people who drive you to drinking are people you actually have to spend time with? I’ll wait,…….How many of them are there? See,..I think somewhere along the way we forgot that we don’t have to hang around people we don’t like. Can I get an AMEN?!!!!! I’m so serious about this. And I know, you’re saying that’s not nice, and maybe it isn’t but when are you going to stop being nice over being genuine and authentic? If you asked me, playing “nice” and hiding the fact that you don’t want to spend time with certain people is actually not being nice to yourself. Believe me, it took me some time to get free from the FOG (feelings of guilt) associated with the fact that I was allowing certain people to be in my life and it was not an enjoyable experience. I was spending holidays around the table with people who didn’t support my dreams, didn’t have a single encouraging word to say to me when they saw me,…Shucks they didn’t even know me!!!! It’s really not good for your mental health to let people you’re related to, guilt you into spending special holidays with them when they actually don’t want to be around you in real life.

Get over it and start living your life! It really is your life if you choose to start living it. If anyone is going to be angry with you because you decline to attend their dinner party or event,…. there you have it. They feel entitled to your time and you owe no one your time! No one should feel entitled when it comes to your life. If you choose to share your days in the presence of certain people, the least it should be is inspiring, pleasant and empowering. Take a moment and make a list of the people who do that for you! Then, go right ahead and spend as much time as you want hanging out with them because the outcome is going to make your life better. Instead of leaving the room feeling discouraged, belittled, frustrated and hurt; when you leave the presence of inspiring people you’ll have ideas that you can turn into profit! When you leave the room of people who empower and uplift you, you’ll leave with a greater sense of courage, focus and insight!

Where you spend your time and who you spend it with has a lot to do with how far you will go in life! If you do whatever the work is necessary after leaving people who are on a mission, your life should be headed somewhere greater than it was before you stepped into their environment. Check the temperature in the room when you arrive. Are people in the room positive, honest, sober and knowledgable? Are they humble and teachable? Or are you surrounded with a bunch of addicts, cursing and talking nonsense? Are they pessimistic complainers who sit and swap stories where they all share a similar theme of sadness and hopelessness? This could be the exact reason why you’ve lost your sense of purpose! I don’t care who they are, no one should be so important to you that you lose yourself when they’re in the room.

Today, make a decision to be careful about the atmospheres you enter. Every door is not your door. Every opportunity and invite is not one meant to help propel you into your greatness. Even when you consider the conversations you participate in, are they all a good investment for you to be talking to them? Is there any point in saying the same thing to a bunch of stiff necked people who are determined to see things from a blurred perspective? They’re going to be the reason you end up aggravated and annoyed. Leave rooms where your wisdom is not received. Your next move is up to you. Where you go and who you go with is important. Don’t be so desperate for company and invitations that you say yes to people who if you’re not careful have the potential to poison your passion. I’ve seen it and it’s so sad to watch people go down the tubes hanging out with losers. Make today the day where you raise your standards when it comes to the company you keep.

Copyright ©️thelifecoachps Sherry Grant 2019

#therealestlifecoach #goingplaces #travel #peoplewhoinspire #somewheregreat #mentality #mindset #people #traveltips #flight #takeoff

DOROTHY WAS TRIPPING

As a little girl, I grew up in love with the movie “The Wizard of Oz.” I thought it was so magical! The entire story captivated me. I loved watching the life of Dorothy until recently I sat back and thought about how messed up her mentality was. This grown woman was living with her Auntie Em and her Uncle Henry and some other family members who I might add were middle age men with no families!! That’s not weird I know. Anyway, Dorothy is here living with all these adults on this farm where she was always being treated like she was a little baby girl. This is not cute either. Grown women who’s fathers and families act like they’ some little infant. It’s strange. Back to Dorothy. Her family treated her like she was a little nuisance and I guess her wearing bobby socks and carrying a basket, riding a bike and galavanting around with a little dog named Toto all day didn’t help either. That’s not weird at all! LOL.

Meanwhile, Dorothy is being harassed by a neighborhood witch and the only peace she could find was in running away from it all with her dog singing songs and doing choreographed dance from time to time. Well, I’m sure you know the rest of the story. She gets hit in her head when a storm comes. Preach! Then she falls asleep and wakes up in some enchanted world. I know, it’s amazing how unreal and real this story is at the same time. The fact that the only way she leaves her family and her extreme codependency is that a storm comes! Ha! If you asked me all this right here makes for some really good preaching material. All in all, she thinks she’s awake but the whole time she’s sleep. Insert Baptist fit! She dreams some good stuff, and a lot bad stuff too, and yet even in her dreams she can’t get away from her family! This sounds like the story of a lot of people I know.

The whole time while she’s traveled to this amazingly beautiful place, she’s still haunted by the demons of her past and the only desire in her heart while she’s in paradise is that she still really just wants to go back home. A big grown woman in a beautiful place with only one desire in her heart and that’s to go back to her dysfunctional family! Sad! Pathetic! Downright disturbing if you asked me. The whole time she’s on a journey to find out who she is, to see the world, to experience life from her own perspective; she can’t seem to shake her addiction to her family and her insatiable desire to go back to her childhood. She was constantly trying to make her new reality the same one she left. Even when you consider how abrupt her departure was from her family of origin, I think it’s the only way she would have left. Makes me think that the storms and challenges we encounter in life are often what’s necessary to push us out of our comfort zone. Dorothy like you and I, would have never experienced anything other than the boring repetitious daily hum drum she was used to if it hadn’t been for the storm! When she gets to the amazing place her storm pushed her to, interesting little people come out and celebrate her for showing up! Can I tell you that there are people waiting on you to show up! But what happens if you refuse to grow up? What happens if you try to avoid the storms and remain stuck in the same cycles and circles that make you comfortable? When Dorothy’s house falls in Munchkinland, The whole town came out to celebrate her because she killed the wicked witch that was tormenting them. Never mind there was another witch still alive who was the sister to the one that she had accidentally killed. Maybe that’s another reason why so many of us refuse to move forward in life. Maybe it’s fear that we’ll incite witches and demons and evil spirits that are assigned to certain regions. You know there is such thing as territorial demons.

See, I know that every dreamer, visionary or gifted person reading this has a people waiting for you to show up. You have the power to free them and inspire them and help them go to their next level the same way Dorothy’s arrival helped the people in Munchkinland. The same way the people waiting for you to show up are ready for you, there are powers of darkness that are not going to let you come without a fight. Here’s my encouragement for you, don’t back down because YOU ARE GOING TO WIN! Don’t let fear keep you from going somewhere great! Don’t stay stuck trying to repeat yesterday when tomorrow is waiting for you to show up! Made me think how many of us are doing the same thing as Dorothy, wishing for the old days to come back rather than living in the now. While on her journey to the see the great and wonderful OZ, Dorothy meets up with three people who are similarly just as “lost” as she is. They resemble people from her past, so she invites them on her adventure to find happiness. Just think for a moment about your own life. Are you attracting people who are just as lost as you are? Are you constantly a magnet for people who resemble your past? Or are you making the courageous decision to travel somewhere great even if it’s scary? Are you determined to keep reliving the same story line over and over again? Are you so addicted to keeping your life familiar that you’re just like Dorothy? A proverbial big grown woman dressed up like a little girl, talking like a baby surrounded by a bunch of people who are annoyed by your immaturity but putting up with you anyway? Surrounded by people who share the same insecurities and fears as you?

It’s time for Dorothy and all of us who loved this story to see it for what it is! It’s a great peek into the life of someone who’s completely delusional and irrational. It’s delusional for you and I to be grown up behaving like little kids. It’s irrational for us to be 30, 40 and 50 and so fused with other people we don’t know how to do anything on our own. It’s irrational and delusional for us to think there’s a wizard who’s got the power to make our lives better when we are actually equipped with everything we need to experience amazing lives without the need of some man or woman to save us. It’s actually possible to go somewhere great and we can do it without needing the affirmation and approval of Auntie Em, Uncle Henry or anyone from the farm to make a move. And I’m sorry to tell you, that as beautiful and amazing as life can be, while we are going places, there will be lions and tigers and bears, Oh my! But none of that should be able to stop us from putting on our big girl panties and taking whatever path we’re brave enough to take. Follow the yellow brick road,…green, blue, black,..just go and don’t stop until you see the life you believe you’re meant to live. Don’t let anything stop you. On the way, we will all meet people who seem to have no brain. We’ll encounter the heartless and people with no courage and some of them may turn out to be some of our closest friends. Just don’t forget to be a friend to yourself. Love yourself and the right people will be drawn to you. There will be some witches along the way, but good always wins over evil! At the end of the day, your story doesn’t have to end with you feeling hopeless and having to run back home.

The bottom line is, Home is wherever you plant your feet. Home is wherever you want it to be should you make the brave decision to unpack your bags and stop seeking an easy escape when this journey called life gets difficult from time to time. You may meet someone like the wizard who makes you think they can do more for you than they actually can, and if you allow your disappointment in people to make you give up, shame on you. Never stop dreaming. Never stop believing no matter what you feel or see along the way. Today you’re reading this because you needed to. You needed this reminder before you convinced your grown self that running back home to your family of origin and their whacky thinking is acceptable. That is not the answer. Go somewhere great for once in your life and commit to it. Free yourself from the grips of needing to have everything the way it was. I guarantee when you do this, you will begin to experience life and it will be from a brand new perspective! Stop expecting where you’re going to be like Kansas. It’s a new day and you won’t have to go somewhere over the rainbow to see it!

Copyright ©️ Sherry Grant 2019

#therealestlifecoach #goingplaces #travel #dorothywastripping #somewhereovertherainbow #dorothy #thewizardofoz #lionsandtigersandbears

Some of these people you’re traveling with are NOT NICE

There are some seriously obnoxious people on this flight with you. I think I needed to tell you this. They’re not even trying to be nice. Nope, they’re not even in many cases pretending to be trying either. What they are doing is watching you. Some of them are watching you tread through rough waters. They’re sitting back watching you suffer and they could help but they won’t. It’s not very nice at all and many of them are convinced that they’re teaching you some sort of a lesson. Could be the very lesson that they had to learn and if that isn’t a dysfunctional mentality I don’t know what is! To want other people to go through an enormous amount of pain and trauma because you had to, that’s not nice. But that’s seriously the way some of these people think and in many instances what has them feeling superior to you. Here’s what I will tell you; it surely isn’t the fruit of kindness that’s motivating this heart posture. Truth be told, some of these people you’re journeying through life with are not as nice as they want the public to see them.

Just take a look at how they handle things. If you’re genuinely trying to help the people you’re traveling with take off, wouldn’t it be obvious? Wouldn’t it be evident? But no! You’ve got to figure out whether or not most of these people who say they’re with you are actually trying to help you get to your destination because their actions are not clear at all. People say stuff like, “In my heart, I want to see you go somewhere great!” Well isn’t that an interesting statement. And why in the world do I have to read the fine print of your heart to find out if you’re for me?

Why is this necessary for your support to be hidden until I’m ready to throw in the towel, when all you have to do is act accordingly??If you want to see me go places, simply help me get there. Plain and simple. Don’t talk about it, be about it. If you genuinely mean well concerning my take off, don’t waste time being all mysterious and making it all spooky and deep; just be there for me and help me. Makes you wonder why there so many people around watching you struggle? Why won’t they just make their intentions known? Just offer me the position. Write me the recommendation. Tell your connection about me. Just send the money. Write the check. Buy the tickets. Come to the event. Show up when you have time. It’s not so difficult to make your efforts clear. Why be so cryptic and distant when your tangible support is so needed? Why do so many “nice” people help organizations they don’t have any affiliation with while they watch the very people they know need them drown?

If you asked me; the answer is they’re not really nice people. No bonafide nice person who really wants to see the people in their life take off, sits back and watches the people they’re with go down. On the contrary, they do whatever they can to make things happen. It’s not nice to have the ability to change a situation and not do anything. It’s not nice to smile and watch people sink. It’s not nice to have the resources to make something better and sit on your hands. Today is a good day to stop deluding yourself about these so called “nice” people in your life. Take some time and be real. Look at these jokers in your life and assess what kind of an individual would handle the people they’re in community with like they handle you? Are they really nice people or are you traveling with some jerks? Only a jerk would sit back and have the wherewithal to help others take flight and yet do absolutely nothing or as little as possible. Even if you help someone a little, if it’s still not enough they’re still screwed. What kind of person helps a person get half way to their destination? Not a nice one. Make an effort to stop being so obnoxious when it comes to the people you have the capacity to bless. If people treat you not so nice, use this reality as a motivator to start handling the life you have and the people in it much better. As a matter of fact, choose to make everything you’re connected to nicer!

I’m the realest life coach and I approve this message.

Copyright ©️2019 Sherry Grant

#therealestlifecoach #goingplaces #notsonice #travel #takeoff #people #mentality #mindset #motivation #connections #sink #swim

Nobody is coming to save you!

per·spec·tive/pərˈspektiv/

a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view.”

Your personal perspective has a lot to do with how you live your life. It has a lot of impact on how you see things and how you look at situations. Your perspective has an enormous affect on the way you view the people in your life. If you’re not careful your perspective on life can ruin the quality of your life. There are some people who, as a result of their messed up perspective; create ideas and viewpoints in their minds about life that adversely shape their outcomes and their realities. There are people sitting around right now, not speaking to or enjoying the company of people that could bless their lives. They are sitting disconnected from people they love because they have a warped sense of self that’s placed a wedge between them and people who could positively influence their lives. Much of our suffering in life today is not happening because we needed to learn a lesson. I’d even venture to say, you’re not suffering because God is trying to punish you. The bottom line for most people is they are suffering because of a wrong perspective and view of self and life. If your perspective is shame based and you think for some reason you deserve to be going through what you’re going through, UNLEARN THAT! Some of you are making yourself sick trying to make sense out of why you’re going through hurt and pain in certain relationships when all you need to do is leave. Some of you ought to stop it. There’s no medal or award waiting for you for being a martyr to poor treatment. You will not win a Nobel Peace Prize for letting people manipulate you and mistreat you. What you will get is a lot of heartache. You will end up bitter and broken and fragile when the point of trouble in your life is for you to get stronger. Can I tell you, there is no strength in letting people harm you over and over again. There’s no strength in letting people take advantage of you. Whoever taught you that you need to go through a lot of crap in order to get to a place where you finally get to enjoy life lied to you.

There are even some of you reading this who’ve you’ve been conditioned to think “no pain no gain” in every sense of life. This is not a healthy way to live. It’s not good for your mental health to think that in order to have your Prince Charming you’ve got to kiss a bunch of frogs first. Start being selective and raise your standards and refuse to be put through a lot of chaos as a prerequisite to happiness. It’s not healthy for your mind to believe that you’ve got to be used and abused first in order to find support and encouragement from people in your life. Of course life happens to us all in one way or another. It’s no secret that people disappoint, they disagree with us, some leave us, some of our nicest belongings fall apart, some of our plans and dreams don’t quite work out; but that doesn’t mean you have to sign up for a life full of suffering in order to get to your desired destination. Change that mentality that says you have to be hazed first in order to be accepted into friendships and relationships. Start thinking like someone who has the power to control their destiny. You and I do have the power to choose who we love, where we live, where we work and who we hang out. No one is forcing you to suffer through life and be around people you don’t want to. No one is making you go into any setting or environment you don’t want to go into. You are not a slave to a life you don’t want to live. If there is something you don’t like; change it. Stop suffering in the name of love, family, loyalty, friendship,… Stand up for yourself today and choose to be a victor instead of a victim. Stop saying you’re being prepared for something when you’ve subscribed to a life of pointless suffering. Those are not your people. That’s not your dream job. This is not the life you saw yourself living. There’s nobody on their way to save you. Save yourself and map out the steps and strategies for you to start seeing your dreams and hopes manifest. It’s not going to happen by osmosis. Get up and change your perspective!

I’m The Realest Life Coach and I approve this message.

Copyright ©️ Sherry Grant 2019

#therealestlifecoach #goingplaces #perspective #victororvictim #standup #mentality #mindset #blog #blogger

thank God for support

ON THE AIRPLANE, one of the my favorite features is the good old faithful armrest. The armrest is there for so many reasons. One of the most important of it’s functions if you asked me is that it provides a boundary between you and the person sitting next to you. When I’m traveling, I usually fly with my husband right next to me. He is arguably the closest human being in my life, yet he often thinks he can ignore my personal space. Fortunately, his disregard for my need of liberty is met with much resistance thanks to the armrest.

The armrest in those moments when he wants to cuddle up in what is already an extremely uncomfortable spot, now becomes my silent ally. It literally stands up for me and speaks out, advocating for my personal space and comfort while I’m going somewhere new. The armrest tells even my closest friend, she deserves some freedom to travel without feeling cramped or weighed down by anyone, including the people closest to her. It might sound funny to you, but I’m dead serious. This to me is a real thing. See, if you are like me and you’re trying to go somewhere great and the entire trip your comfort is being compromised for the comfort of others, there’s a good chance that by the time you reach your destination you’ll be cranky and in no shape to really enjoy the journey. You’ll be no good for the people around you, because you never got to experience the freedom of renewing your mind and getting refreshed for the next level.

I thought about this in terms of the roles and responsibilities so many of us have on us. How so many of us live our lives in service to others and that’s truly noble and great and all. But at some point where’s the armrest for you? Where’s the boundary between you serving others and someone finally letting you lean on their shoulder? When do you finally get the access to someone else’s space that you’ve made so easily available to others? Boundaries are a way for you to honor your needs. This is why the armrest is so wonderful to me. Someone took the time to think of that for me. To know that someone knew I would need a marker and a safe place to rest my tired shoulders. Some of us don’t have many people in our lives like this, but thank God for the ones we do have. I’m thankful for the ones I can rest my tired shoulders on and sleep a little. Those who don’t take offense to me recharging and renewing my perspective. The armrest and friends like it represent the reliable, consistent and amazing support systems we have in our lives. The armrest on the plane takes away the need to speak up for yourself. There are some friends like that. They know when we need a breather. They know when we are exhausted emotionally and they offer support for us in those times without making a big fuss. It’s good having this kind of support because when you step off that plane, you’ve got to open up your own mouth and tell the other people in your life where you stand when it comes to your boundaries, limits and standards. Even when it comes to those closest to you, I encourage you to be courageous enough to say, you’re going too far. Open up your mouth and say, this is my armrest aka boundary and you need to honor my space if you genuinely care about me. Today is the day for you to remind yourself and those around you that it’s ok to use your armrest. After all, it’s there to help you on flight called life.

Copyright ©️ Sherry Grant 2019

#therealestlifecoach #travel #people #thearmrest #armrest #boundaries #standards #personalspace

If You Wrestle With A Pig

People will be mad at you when you make a decision to work on yourself and grow. When you decide to leave dysfunction behind, not everyone will be happy for you. Believe it or not, some people will be downright angry when you take off. When you decide you no longer want to do the tango with manipulative people and play games anymore, there will be some real life turbulence.

That uneasiness will decrease the more self defined you become and the more you create boundaries that honor your needs. Some people will call you mean, selfish, unchristian. So what! That’s nothing more than classic manipulation. Don’t fall for the gaslighting. The basis of most dysfunctional codependent relationships is that one person is constantly meeting the needs of another while their own needs are going unmet. That’s an unequal relationship doomed for failure and whether the abuse be financial, emotional, abuse of your time or resources; the narcissist is never going to stop needing you to supply them with more. It’s never enough!

So the more you gain the strength to say no and the more you gain the confidence to raise your standards and stick with your new value system; expect the backlash to intensify. It’s coming but you will come out better. The rage from them has to get worse before it gets better because you’re breaking a toxic pattern. But the better off you’ll be no matter how difficult it may get while in the storm. As you stick to your new values you will begin to teach these people how you expect to be treated. The ones who value you, will get over it and stay. The narcissistic ones will decide they only want to win and have control, so they will move onto to someone else they can do that with. They don’t value anyone. Sadly, there are so many grown people who behave this way. But you don’t have to engage in any relationship that dishonors your values.

Crazy how some of you act as if you’re being forced to participate in the relationships you’re in. That’s far from the truth. The only reason some people call you is because you still answer their calls. The only reason some people meet you for dinner is because you keep agreeing to go. The only reason you spend time at their house is because you got your grown tail in your car and drove there and now you have the audacity to complain about a decision you made? You ought to be ashamed of yourself for being so disingenuous. Be honest and stop placing the responsibility on other people for your happiness. Instead of blaming people for making your life miserable; take responsibility for giving them access to do it. That’s actually what people who are emotionally mature do.

Emotionally mature people say what they feel when they believe it’s going to be heard and respected. Then they will sincerely look for respectful ways to resolve conflict. Emotionally immature people on the other hand, like to keep mess going. Definitely not a practice of someone going anywhere great. George Bernard Shaw has a profound saying I love so much. It basically says “if you wrestle with a pig you’ll both get dirty; but the pig enjoys it.” This wrestling in the mud concept is sooo good because it literally describes the way some people handle themselves everywhere they go. They simply seem to enjoy dirt and mess. They love gossip and drama. They love competing and stirring up nonsense. I personally find it and people like this extremely exhausting. I’m too busy enjoying being creative and helping people ascend. I’m too focused on pursuing a life of possibilities, peace and happiness. I absolutely love being in atmospheres and environments full of inspiration and encouragement. I prefer steering clear of people who enjoy mud.

There’s a popular technique in psychology called Observe but don’t Absorb. This is such a powerful stance to take when dealing with people who love to keep drama aka mud going. Just sit there and watch them. Stay calm. Don’t say a thing. No need to respond, they’re having fun. Don’t engage emotionally and invest your time. Just observe them and don’t absorb any of it. Especially when you haven’t done anything to them and you know they are only trying to lure you into their pig pen of mess. Do your absolute best to resist the need to see what’s wrong with them. Resist the need to make peace with them. You didn’t do anything wrong to them! And please remember, they love this mess. They want you in the pig pen with them so they can keep you muddy. The difference is, you want something else from your relationships. You don’t want to control people. You don’t want to pull people into anything. You just want a normal relationship, but that’s unrealistic when you’re dealing with a pig. Last piece of advice for my real life coachable friends – Change your expectation. Don’t lower your expectations, just change them. A pig can only be a pig. They will often never change, but great if they do. At the end of the day, their transformation is not your responsibility anyway. You keep working on you. You keep on learning to love yourself better. Keep learning new ways to honor your needs and watch your life take off. I guarantee you, God is going to send genuine, normal people into your life who relate to you from a place of mutual respect and care.

Copyright ©️ Sherry Grant 2019

#therealestlifecoach #ifyouwrestlewithapig #travel #takeoff #observedontabsorb #people #mentality #stayawayfrompigs #hotmess