You mad at what I said or because it’s true? This is the perfect question to ask yourself when you’re in your feelings and ready to be defensive. I ask myself this question all the time. Whenever I have to deal with my own emotional discomfort I make it a point to stop myself from doing these 3 things.
1. Blaming someone. We are not wrestling against flesh and blood. This is a spiritual battle. In other words, don’t personalize this. It is usually much deeper than you. You are usually just someone who has triggered a wound they never healed or they’ve done that to you.
2. Staying emotional too long. I give myself a chance to sit with my feelings and usually the first emotion I identify is anger but I always go deeper. This always helps me get to the bottom of what’s really going on. Am I disappointed? Afraid of someone not liking me? Am I overwhelmed with shock at the audacity of someone’s entitlement? Am I offended that someone expects me to treat them better than they have ever treated me? I go deep to see if this is grief. Grief over the reality that this relationship is not meeting my fantasy. Whatever I discover it helps me move on. I never want to ignore my feelings but I also don’t want them to rule me.
3. Air my dirty laundry to the wrong people. It’s easy to go off and vent to the closest people to you. Shucks, that’s the human and natural thing to do. But you and I both know based on the past how that goes. The people who love you usually give the worse advice. They’re not bias. They aren’t objective when it comes to you. They will always defend your foolishness. And the bottom line is – They always end up making it worse. So hear me out – find good counselors and hold onto them. These people are gold! Sure they will piss you off and shoot straight from the hip. But if you get out of your super self, and they will help you with that. And they will ultimately prove to be invaluable in your life. They will give you advice from a place of care for your future. They will cover you and look out for your soul. Thank me later.
When someone tells you something and you don’t like it, investigate why. If it’s totally false I wouldn’t accept it either. But if you care about growing and healing listen to things that challenge you. With your relationships it’s simple. If you love the other person – step outside of ego and be mature enough to process what you hear. It may be helpful in your journey of personal development.
Cheers! Sherry
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therealestlifecoach.com 