i'm not mad. i'm a writer.

One of my nonnegotiable’s at this point in my life is YOU WILL NOT WASTE MY TIME. Now this is only offensive to those who have this in their mind to waste my time. Those who think I’m not important enough to show up for and to treat with dignity. See I’m learning that any one who values me and appreciates me will do just that. But a lot of my life I’ve entertained people who say they love me in word but their actions say something totally different. Can you relate? I often say this to my clients when it comes to the people they say they love. When you actually Love someone you treat them as if they are you.

Now this can only come out well when you love yourself in a healthy way. Now I’m not trying to get all churchy this morning but there’s even a scripture in the Bible that says you ought to love your neighbor as yourself. Understanding that makes it easier to detach yourself from the actions of others and not care as much when people aren’t very loving to you when you see how they treat themselves.

At the end of the day, I am not responsible for how you wanna handle me. I’m responsible for letting you treat me in a way that goes against my personal standard for myself. It’s my job to stand up for myself for the rest of my life. Setting boundaries with disrespectful and unsafe people is one way to do that.

I’m really trying to start a revolution when it comes to relationships that is based on sincerity, respect and compassion. The more I try to cultivate that in my relationships the more I am faced with the fakeness and the performative way we have been socialized as a culture through our systems – family, church, community.

Calling people my friends and family and saying that I love them while dishonoring them and lying to them and them lying to me is not my idea of healthy love. So when I say I refuse to let anyone waste my time I mean it now more than ever. Do I still find myself struggling with some people? Yes. But I’m working hard to not cast my pearls before those who don’t appreciate them. I’m leaning into one of my strongest spiritual gifts and that is discernment. I’m no longer making excuses for the dishonor of people who I make space for. Would you treat Michelle Obama like that? Would you treat your favorite athlete or someone you respect that way? Would you show up late for them? Not respond to their emails or text messages? Would you forget things that they made a point to express to you that are important or are you just really unable to love people who try to love you because your love for yourself button is broken?

That’s what I’m gonna go with. Your love for self button is broken. Deep sigh.

I have seen enough. I have been kind to people who are not kind in return to me and while that was not the motive behind my kindness it is a huge sign to me that you are not able to give me what I need. It’s a sign that you don’t see me as someone who you need to show honor and respect to and that’s ok. My acupuncturist told me a few weeks ago – (energetically) Your heart feels like it hurts.

I think he was so on point. My heart has been hurting for most of my life and the truth is I am partially responsible for this. I let too many people treat me less than I deserved for too long. So this is a new chapter. It’s called I understand. I understand who loves me and I understand who loves what I do for them. I understand who values me and who values what I stand for or do for them and there is a difference. So from now on the time I give to the ones to the ones who love me is not a waste. And the time I give to the ones who don’t truly appreciate me or love me is a sign that I am still working on me.

Copyright © 2022 Sherry Grant

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