The topic today is when you are fed up being a doormat and a people pleaser. If you are a people pleaser that basically means you constantly go out of your way trying to figure out ways to make everyone around you happy to your own detriment. People pleasers and doormats do what they do for others no matter how inconvenient, illogical or agonizing it is; all because they don’t want to deal with anyone being unhappy with them. They want everyone to feel better, so they will go out of their way to make it happen for the people in their life. If you’re like this, you probably have a bunch of people around you underachieving and under functioning, waiting on you to fix everything. After all,…isn’t that what you’ve taught them?
Why would they do anything more than what they do if they know they don’t have to,.. especially considering the fact that you’re gonna come through and save the day.
That’s a doormat and people pleasers way.
Then there’s the other extreme. Self centered. Selfish. Never doing any acts of kindness for anyone else. Only interested in your life and what you like. What interest you. The opposite of a people pleaser is someone who is One track minded. All about Me, myself and I. So, the objective is to neither be a doormat or a self absorbed jerk. The real challenge if we are working to become the best possible version of ourselves,… is to find a balance between being a self defined person who’s, empathetic, considerate and loving of others but who also has boundaries and a clear understanding that you can’t save everyone.
That’s the only way we can find hope in making it through Monday and getting to FRIDAY!
The only way we can find hope in our days and enjoy our lives while still showing concern for others is Finding the strength and courage to unapologetically live our lives and love ourselves others without trying to prove a point. Unfortunately, People who spend their lives being people pleasers and doormats for others usually don’t want to,…..
But the real motivation behind their neurotic behavior usually stems from something that happened to them when they were growing up. Maybe they had a parent or sibling or someone who at one time or another they didn’t make happy. And because they didn’t do what that person wanted,… they got some really harsh feedback from it and they vowed they never wanted to experience that again. So now they approach all of their relationships being the peace maker. Being the one who solves everyone’s problems. Being the one who never says no. Because after all, who wants to get deal with the stress and anxiety that comes along with not making the people they love happy?
So this explains why they’ve become the family doormat. Or the work doormat. Or the people pleaser in the friend circle. That’s the one who always has to be the designated driver. The one who always has to pay for drinks. The one who always lets their family or spouse pick what they want to. Because they don’t want to deal with anyone being unhappy with them again.
This is really an issue of self esteem and the only hope for change is that you make the brave decision to speak up for yourself and stop meeting everyone else’s needs and ignoring your own. The hope for a better week, a better life,…. is to Stop neglecting yourself so everyone else around you is happy.
This is about you deciding that if the people around you can’t accept you for who you are, that’s ok. How they feel is not your responsibility.
There is hope for you having a great week. But you need to reintroduce yourself to the people in your life. This time as The one who is not everyone’s doormat. And if they don’t like it,…you need to be okay with that. Let people think what they want about you. If you know you’re a good person and you like yourself and you do make it a point to be kind and loving to others, then rest in that. If they don’t like the fact that you said no to them. Or no to their disrespect and dishonor of you being you,…that’s fine too. Let them get mad. Let them talk about you and do whatever they want. You are not a doormat.
You know who are and you will no longer make it your job to respond to the guilt and negativity and manipulation of people who expect you to fit into their box.