Decisions. Decisions. Decisions. I’m learning that life is really made up of a bunch of small decisions that either make your flight better or bumpier. While having my morning cup of coffee this morning, it dawned on me that sharing your thoughts and heart with certain people is a very bad decision. No matter how well intended you are. No matter how authentic and genuine you are, some people are not a good decision to fly with. You can try to be all nice and normal with them and talk to them about life and the things that burden you; and they will smile in your face and act like they are with you and get up and take the information you shared and use it against you. They will! I’ve seen people take my vulnerability and honesty and find ways to triangulate! It’s so despicable and messy.
Made me wonder if there are actually any people left out there who don’t make you regret your decision to try and fly with them? Geez! Are there any mentally stable, uncomplicated people who you can share your heart with and they not take it upon themselves to make things worse? Can you even talk to anyone anymore in confidence? This is scary. Especially when I know I am the keeper of many secrets for a lot of other people. I know for a fact that I have been a trusted shoulder for people on a regular basis. But when it comes time for me to talk,.,,the list of mature people who aren’t judgmental is almost nonexistent. I’m finding out that people are very two faced and unwell on this flight. They carry this germ called no self control. They just can’t keep their mouth shut. They can’t seem to be loyal. They don’t seem to have any integrity and can’t tell the truth to save their lives. It’s sad that you see people pretending to be sincere and the whole time they’re taking information you gave them and making themselves appear to be on your side and innocent but they’re not. These real life terrorist, that’s what I call them; who come on board and try to fly with you under the guise of friend, family member, disciple, mentee; they’re not what they seem to be.
Sadly, I’m learning the hard way there are very few people on this flight that you can genuinely expect the same unconditional support and love you give them to come back to you from them. That’s the cold hearted truth and I wish I could tell you otherwise. Most of these real life terrorist posing as your loved ones are just waiting for you to get up and walk away for them to take what you said and run with it. I see it over and over again. They can’t wait to befriend the very person you told them you’re having conflict with. What’s that about? They can’t seem to find anything else to do but get in the middle of an issue you’re having with someone else. Usually someone you introduced them to!
While they could be working on their lives, they’re too busy meddling in your affairs. That’s classic narcissism! Busybodies with no life! When people try to figure out a way to make everything about them, you’re dealing with a real life terrorist!
Be safe out there guys. It’s the holiday season too. The real life terrorists are out there and they’re pretending to be your family and loved ones. Stay strong. Give as little intel to them as possible. They can’t be trusted. They’ve proven to be disloyal and they can’t hold water let alone your deepest feelings or concerns. Cling to your faith and the one or (if you’re doing good) two trusted people you know won’t take what you say and make a decision to create chaos. Being a real one, you gotta recognize not everyone is made out of the same stuff we are. Hang in there and be encouraged.
I’m the realest life coach and I approve this message.
Someone asked me today “what makes a person toxic?” Well, since you asked. A toxic person is anyone who is abusive, unsupportive, or unhealthy emotionally—someone who basically brings you down more than lifts you up. That’s a bad person and it doesn’t matter if they’re family or close friends with a lot of history. They’re terrible and you don’t deserve that. I’m sorry, it doesn’t even matter if you’ve had good times with them, they’re still toxic.
I often struggle like most people with the whole concept of “when is enough enough?” Like how much toxicity is too much. The bottom line for me, the more I live the less I’m willing to put up with. See, when you realize your “life is but a vapor” as the Bible puts it, you can’t afford to waste it on toxic people. And no, I’m not talking about flawed people. We are all flawed and imperfect in some ways. But I’m talking about people who constantly try to do stuff to you. People who can be available for everyone but you. People who know how to treat strangers but crap on you. Those people in your life who you give access to and they find some kind of way to dishonor you, control or manipulate you. The toxic people are the ones who consistently try to poison your life with their drama. Those are the ones I can’t waste my time on. Not anymore. I have things to do. Productive things and that toxicity is not good for my health. I will love you from a distance but as far as me investing my time and energy in people who are always doing the same crap to me. Naw. Don’t need it.
I have an emotional daily budget and I can’t afford you. You cost too much and there are some actual things I can spend my emotional energy on that are a more worthwhile investment than your foolery. Join me in making this healthy life changing decision. Make today the day where you assess where you spend your energy and if it’s on poisonous people, stop. Life’s too short for that.
Demand consistency from the people in your life and give that in return. No one should have to wonder how you are going to be today. Are you in a good mood or on that stuff. No one needs that. It’s toxic. Stop being that way to people. No one has to deal with your meanness. Get it together. Find a therapist. Go to church. Meditate. But stop mistreating good people. One day all the good people you been treating bad are going to wake up. Hopefully you do first and start valuing the people who lift you up instead of tearing them down.
How can I say thanks? I’m truly overwhelmed with love and gratitude. That’s what I end my day thinking about when it comes to people who took the time to celebrate me, to honor me and to thank God for extending my life another year. I don’t take that for granted.
I am so grateful for the love that was showed to me today and more important everyday. See, when you see people love you and celebrate your life, you can’t help but notice people who don’t. It’s cool. But it made me realize that even on a happy day, not everyone is happy for your existence. Wow! So with that knowledge, it’s even more important to focus on those who are. That’s you! You’re one the real ones who in spite of my issues and shortcomings and I have quite a few- you still celebrate that I’m here.
This made me think about how obvious it that some people are really silly when they follow your life but still aren’t happy you’re alive. Sad. But the truth is there are people watching your story who aren’t exactly rejoicing that you overcame the stuff you overcame. What can you do about that? Nothing other than conclude that some people are petty and fickle. Don’t let that discourage you or side track you from being amazing and focusing on the real ones.
The point is, focus on the right people will keep you from getting distracted. That’s why I had to say thanks guys. Thanks for your love. Thanks for you support. Thanks for your prayers and genuine love. I appreciate it and it really makes me cry the ugly cry when you’re so beautiful to me. I’m super grateful. Even if you don’t think I am, I promise you I am!
I read every single message and I felt the love. My loved ones who posted pics of me and you together; I CANNOT EXPLAIN HOW THAT MELTS MY HEART. I care. I feel your love and I’ll forever be grateful for your love and sincere kindness to me. I love you! Please know that you are so important to me. Life is better because of the people who go out of their way to be kind. That’s you 💕
As I enter into my 47th year of life, I sit here in this beautiful place with my husband and daughter and tears are just rolling down my face. I’m so stirred. My heart is completely overwhelmed. I made it y’all! This year everything changed. It’s not just another year. It’s like a light switch came on for me. I see my purpose more than ever. I’m not here just for me. I’m here to inspire and help others. I’m here to do more than “me.” I actually want to do something major to help others take off.
It’s amazing to see the growth and the transformation that’s taken place in my life. Who I am is not who I used to be. I’ll never be the same. The once very angry girl who was unable to express herself has learned to say what she means and mean what she says. She’s not afraid of saying no to people and things don’t honor her life. It’s not that she doesn’t care, but she’s not obsessed with giving her attention to nonsense. She doesn’t need to prove any point to anyone. She is no longer afraid of pleasing others at the expense of her peace and sanity. She’s literally learned to be the most authentic she’s ever been. She says what she’s inspired to say and even what concerns her too. All without apology! That took awhile. To speak her mind and not let anyone invalidate her truth. Especially coming from a religious community where people love to brain wash you with their idea of what it means to be Christ like. She’s so over the programming of the cult – ure. She’s free. Like for real free. She’s learned not to let anyone minimize what she’s experienced. She’s still here even after going through the constant shaming that’s normal in the religious cult- ure. Like imagine being rejected and mistreated by people who should have stood up for you and defended you. She survived all that.
Let that sink in. That she and many others like her have had to endure years of mistreatment from people who invalidated her pain, bullied her for being hurt by hurtful things and then went around and mocked and ridiculed her for it. She had to deal with years of emotional abuse from church people and continues to be shunned for calling toxic people out on their crap. But that’s what happens when you refuse to stick with the herd or the pack. Yet, she’s still here and she’s strong enough to still be healing. This year proved it. That’s she is a strong person. Yep. That’s her. She’s still here.
Even while she’s always been blessed to have an amazing support system; loving parents, an incredible husband and remarkable children, not everyone who was supposed to love her has loved her properly and yet she’s still working to be as whole as possible. In the meantime, she’s managed to heal in so many ways and even help and encourage a few people along the way. Insert tears. That means a lot to her.
The lessons she’s learned are more than someone her age could have ever learned without God on her side. She’s lived several lifetimes and thanks be to God she’s still here. Still here to inspire. Still here to encourage, provoke, challenge, cheer, promote and coach others like her. The misunderstood, the wounded and the rejected! She’s still here for those who others try to tell there’s something wrong with them for being different. She’s here as their big sister, friend, and Coach. She’s here to remind them that they’re worth the love. Worth the time and worth someone else pouring into them. She’s still here to remind them that they’re worth being listened to. That they’re not crazy because they’re not like everyone else. She’s still here to say that heaven is rejoicing that they didn’t allow their hard times to make them throw in the towel. She’s still here to say you can’t give up. She’s still here to tell those who’ll listen that Heaven is rejoicing because they didn’t allow the discouragement of others who they expected to be in their life to get them down. She’s here to help the frustrated creatives she’s sees struggling along the way that they can stick it out and see their dreams and plans through even when there doesn’t seem to be a way.
She’s here to say you can do it because that’s what she’s done. She’s still here and she serves as a symbol of strength to the disenfranchised and one’s who feel like they have no family or circle, that no matter what, you can make it. She’s still here to say no matter how complicated things started off, if she could become a loving wife and mom to outstanding children, so can you. If she can still be encouraged to still lead her community with grace, favor and wisdom beyond her years; so can you.
She’s still here to say congratulations, you’re still here. She’s me. I’m the one who wants to let you know your existence is nothing to take lightly. Your life is a big deal. Thank God you’re still here.
I see people all the time who need to prove a point. People who need to be seen. They have something to prove to everyone around them. Its evident because they can’t do anything without Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter or Facebook. They have to post it, announce it, photograph it,..it’s never good enough until they document it and get some likes and comments. They can’t do anything without an audience. Their insatiable need to be relevant is unending. It’s like a constant cry for attention! See me. Validate me. Notice me.
See, I believe it’s one thing if you’re actually doing something purposeful and you get noticed for it. But if you’re just doing stuff to be seen or to stunt on your haters, you need to grow up. Someone needs to love you enough to tell you that you’re trying too hard.
If you’re really doing something that’s impacting the earth, everyone who needs to know is going to know. People won’t be able to ignore what you bring to the earth when it’s born out of a place of destiny and not desperation. If I’m supposed to do something great, there will be a people that are drawn to it who are excited about what I’m bringing to life. They won’t be able to thrive or survive without it. But, if what I’m doing is nothing more than a carbon copy, repeat and a duplication of something that inspired me that I saw somewhere else; everyone will know that too.
It boils down to this. What are you doing that’s a burden to you versus what you’re doing to prove a point. These are two totally different motivations. Creative minds are always creating, but you know the difference between a good idea and a God idea. One is a burden, the other is just a source of fun. The burden won’t let you rest until you do it! The other one can stay on the shelf collecting dust. The burden is the one you keep at even if you don’t get compensated. It literally points to why you’re here.
This flight called life gives you and I the amazing opportunity to travel anywhere. With that being said, where have you been and what still burdens you to see in this life? What dreams do you have that still keep you awake because they still burden you to make them a reality? What haven’t you gotten done yet because you’re too lazy and too distracted to finish? What is still not a reality because you refuse to mature and handle your business?
Kids get asked over and over again when they’re little “What do you want to be when you grow up?” This is really an important question and I think it’s one older people ask children so much because they didn’t realize how important that was when they were younger. Like what do you really want to be? You! Not your family. Not your mother or your father. Not your village or community! You!
Interesting enough even when you look at the life of Jesus, everything he did was intentional. Jesus made the decision not to follow his earthly father Joseph in doing the family trade. He went for his heavenly father’s calling. Preach! He literally chose to grow up and do what the voice on the inside of him was calling him to do. Insert WOW!
Most creative people I know struggle with this same dilemma. What do I do? Do I take the path my family says is best for me? Do I take up the major in college I want, or what everyone is telling me to take up? Do I do what pays the bills or do I listen for the voice of the Father for my life? What is my purpose and who’s voice should I listen to the most? This is another reason why you should respect your parents but don’t make them into your God. Develop a relationship with God for yourself.
What do you want to be when you grow up? You! Not everyone else. You.
When you stop needing the approval of others and cease to feel the need to be included and validated by “them” to do what God has called you to do, that’s when you’re ready to take off. I know you’re saying, but how am I going to fund what I’m burdened to do? Where will I get support from if I stop making my family happy? Newsflash; Jesus didn’t get a lot of support from his so called people on earth either. All his power came from Heaven!
I don’t mean to get all churchy on you. But the Bible says Jesus came to his own and his own received him NOT. And you thought it was only you that was dealing with this. Naw.
The moment I stopped waiting to be accepted by the cult- ure and community I come from, The Father started increasing my anointing, favor and blessings. There is more in you if you just stop relying on and trusting in people more than you do God. God wants to take you somewhere great. You just need to stop waiting for perfect conditions to take off. If he’s in the pilot seat, you’re going to get to your next level. He’s going to take you somewhere you couldn’t have taken yourself in your own strength.
Take off! It’s time to do what you’ve always wanted to do. It’s time. You’re all grown up.
Have you noticed how some people try to be your friend in private but avoid you when it comes to showing support and love in public? Some people are Clowns 🤡
It made me think how sad it is that so many people out here these days are so insincere, deceitful, fake and phony. Please don’t let these clowns fool you. See if you have to do all that when it comes to me, I’ll pass. No need for people in my life who are so ridiculous and duplicitous. I notice it a lot. Especially in church settings. Some of these people have such a pseudo spiritual persona. It’s sickening. I wonder what they gain from telling people they enjoyed the solo or the message when all the while they’re posting them on their social media and laughing at them when they walk away. People will make fun of your church, your fliers, your efforts. So mean. Yet they love shouting and having a form of Godliness. See, it’s one thing to laugh and have fun. But to do it at the expense of people who are trying their best. Naw. You’re not even a moral person. Even at the worst presentation, there is no doubt always something you can find that’s praiseworthy. You can’t say nothing nice? It really says a lot about a person who puts on for people yet on the inside, their real heart is sooo opposite. That’s a scary clown if you asked me!
When people from the cult- ure I come from say things like “you minister in such a unique way!” Usually I decode the language. I call it churchese. It’s like a fake way of saying something nice nasty to basically insult a person without overtly being rude. Most of the people you would expect me to “Fellowship” with, shout a lot and dance and speak in tongues the entire time and theres nothing wrong with that. But they think we aren’t as saved as they are because our style of worship is different and it’s not as much theatrics on the regular. So that makes us unique. I’m so glad I’m unique. Meanwhile, many of our critics are a carbon copy of the celebrity favorites. But me, I’m different and proud to be.
See, if there’s any advice I could give my real life coachable friends it’s this. Please be different. In a sea of people trying to duplicate the gift they see in someone else, PLEASE BE YOU! There’s this self righteous attitude in many people that if you don’t do things the way they do them, you’re not doing it right. That’s the same way the Pharisees and The religious leaders looked at Jesus. They didn’t know who He was. Most church people wouldn’t like Jesus if he walked into their gatherings. Ha!
You and I happen to be the same way. Constantly surrounded by a mass of people who don’t know who you are. That’s why they don’t know how to handle what you carry. They have no idea who validated you and affirmed you to be different. Made me realize that a lot of people stuck on the bandwagon of “sameness” really are inspired by those of us who are not afraid to walk in our difference. That’s why they show love to us in private only. It’s not our fault they’re not courageous enough to be different too. It’s not our fault they’re still trying to fit in with the crowd. Keep being you. Don’t even take offense by their fakery.
Some of these pretenders who wear these two faces are some interesting individuals. They can even have some of the most amazing personalities. They’re friendly. At least that’s how they act in your face. They’re encouraging and say a lot of positive things for the crowd, but when they get around the people who they feel they can take their mask off with; that’s when the real them comes out. It’s scary. Some of the people who act like they’re the sweetest people on earth are the ones who will rip the fur off of you in private. They say all the right things in public though. Never mistake their words or their smiles for anything more than a veneer.
Veneer – an attractive appearance that covers or disguises someone or something’s true nature or feelings.
When the actions don’t match up with the words just know you’re dealing with a bonafide clown. Don’t take it personal. They’re just not ready to deal with their warped sense of self. To present yourself one way in front of people that is not in alignment with your authentic self,… that’s a clown.
These Noble Narcissist know how to play games. They love to put on a good show for whatever audience they’re trying to win. But the main reason they’re called two faced is because they work more on their public persona than they do their character. It’s amazing how we all have character flaws but not many of us are brave enough to admit we have them. That’s the problem with religion. It is often a bunch of people with problems gathering and pretending they’re perfect. That’s not relationship with Jesus. That’s the reason people end up killing themselves, cheating on their spouse or overdosing in a hotel room with a prostitute. Because somewhere along the way, someone told people to put on a face and deny themselves for public approval. They lose their sense of self and stop being honest. They no longer are free to admit they’re hurting when they’re hurting. Someone told these people that in order to be considered “good” they should allow people to dishonor them and act like it’s ok.
That is not how we get down in the world of the realest life coach. If I’m hurt or angry, I’m not masking it for anyone. You are going to have to deal with it and understand my life is not some movie or sitcom for people to watch and weigh in on. You don’t have to agree with everything I do. You don’t have a right to be all up in everything I do either. It’s my life. I’m not a clown and this is not about your entertainment. I’m not living my life based on pleasing anyone but God and even when I come up short (which is often) He still accepts me. Insert Tears.
Most people who suffer from the pressure of presenting a perfect public persona never find themselves in atmospheres or environments where they’re free enough to share their real heart with people. Most people are programmed to mask and that’s why they’re so two faced. If you continue to waste your life trying to present perfection to other people prepare to wear yourself out emotionally. When you are so fake that you never share the way you actually feel about things because you’re too busy living up to your audiences expectations, prepare to snap. When you are someone who would never tell anyone anything that would shake your false image of perfection, you’re acting like a clown.
And we wonder why this society is so medicated, depressed, sad and fake! If you asked me it’s because too many people are following a script, playing a role and pretending to be what their parents, family, friends and church expects them to be. What if you played a role for most of your life and looked at yourself in the mirror one day and realized you had become a full fledge clown!?
What if you decided you’re tired of amusing everyone? What if you decided you’re tired of making everyone laugh at your own expense? What if you made the courageous decision to exit the stage and stop being a part of the performance? What if you stopped participating in a production directed by other people and their plans for your life? What if you finally did what you wanted and not what everyone else expected you to do? What if you told the people you love that it hurts to see them living like a clown too?! What if you all got out of the clown car and took off the costume and started living for real?
Today is a great day to stop being a clown and stop entertaining clowns 🤡
If a person wants to do something, nine times out of ten, they will. They’ll make time for whatever they want. They’ll find the money for whatever they want. They’ll make the changes they need to get what they want. That is if they want it bad enough. The point I’m making is, if you genuinely want something bad enough, you’ll do whatever it takes to try to get it. You know, you’ll stop at nothing to get something that you actually value. You’ll even stop doing things that stand between you getting what you want. And even though it’s not that easy to do, you will do all you can to try.
What I’m noticing more than ever these days is people are just NOT trying. They’re saying they are, but we all know when someone is putting forth the effort and when they’re not. What’s that old saying “Where there’s a will there’s a way.” It’s really true. Even when you consider that it’s almost a brand new year. What’s stopping you from your transformation? See, anything you say you want to work on is within your reach. The real question is WHAT RADICAL CHANGES ARE YOU STILL UNWILLING TO MAKE TO SEE A NEW REALITY?
Who needs to go? What mentalities in you need to go in the trash? Who’s in your ear and what are they saying that’s making you comfortable in your mess? I remember when my oldest kid was a toddler. All of a sudden, he started becoming agitated and uncomfortable with a soiled pamper. Whereas before, a pamper full of crap didn’t bother him, now he was not okay with it. His face would express discomfort and uneasiness. He would walk funny and aggressively do things to get that pamper off of him. That’s when I made the courageous decision to stay in the house the entire weekend and get him into big boy pants and out of pampers. I realized it was going to be a job. To get him out of this habit was going to require some new systems and regimens. The same is true for you. You can’t expect to change a crappy life and keep doing what you’ve always done. What needs to change for you to experience a new life, maybe not free of crap, but at least it won’t be on you?
After an entire weekend in the house filled with victories and defeats, it worked. In three days my kid got it. He figured out in 72 hours that if he went to the potty, he wouldn’t have to walk around with crap on him anymore. Preach!
I draw my advice for my real life coachable friends from this lesson with my kid back almost 30 years ago. If you don’t want to walk around smelling, feeling and carrying your crap, learn where to drop it off and keep it moving.
Develop a daily discipline that keeps you from ever getting comfortable living in mess another day. But, if you want to rationalize carrying your mess around with you, that’s your decision. But those of you who are sick of being the toxic one who’s always in the same drama, chaotic relationships and mess, do something different. Change yourself. What a concept.
If you don’t change yourself, you will constantly be at the mercy of other people. You’ll be sitting around uncomfortable waiting for “them” to come and clean you up. Aren’t you too old for that? You’re way too old to be taking a dump on yourself and expecting the people in your life to rescue you or better yet pretend they don’t smell it.
Quit stinking up the atmosphere with your crap. This is the beginning of a new weekend. Stay in the house and work on you instead of going around everyone with your smelly circumstances pretending as if you don’t have a load of crap on you. Get yourself together and when the weekend is over, hopefully you will have a better strategy when it comes to getting closer to your life goals. At least at the end of 72 hours, I hope you will have figured out how to change yourself.
