i'm not mad. i'm a writer.

I recently fell in love with these plants called succulents. I think these plants are so cool. A few reasons I love them are because they’re real, they’re attractive and here’s my favorite part—-they don’t need a lot of attention. Insert speaks in tongues!

These plants only need to be watered like every 14 days and are super low maintenance. Seriously, this is the first time all of my plants are alive and doing so good without me worrying about them. I had gotten so discouraged at one point in my adult life that I had come to the conclusion that I must not be a plant person. Turns out, that wasn’t the truth. The real truth was I was trying to take care of plants that needed too much from me. Now that’s a word. This gave me a whole lot to think about it as it relates to life in general and the kind of people we connect with and things we spend our time and energy on.

Even as we approach a new year, it made me think about how much of my precious time I have to put into some things that are at this point in my life entirely too demanding.

The picture I have for my future doesn’t have to be the same as yours, but I know what I’m not trying to spend the rest of my life doing. I’m not trying to be stressed out and overworked. I’m not trying to overextend myself or prove any points to anyone. So with that being said, I’m super careful about how I handout my virtue. I am making decisions for my future that even if other people don’t think they make sense, I’ve got to do what’s best for me.

It’s just like the plants in my house. Made me think that we should all be a lot more discerning when we bring anything living into our homes. Can you maintain it? Do you have time to water it and feed it? Is it being exposed to enough light in your house? Preach!!!

It’s time out for bringing anything into our stewardship that we can’t keep alive. Whether it’s a vision or plant, do you have what it takes to keep it healthy and strong? Let’s be real, we are not built to maintain everything, but the things we are knowledgeable about and have time for will live. The other things, no matter how much we want them, they will wither in an environment and under the ownership of someone who can’t keep up.

See, I found out that some of the prettiest plants at the nursery, were way too demanding for me to keep alive. This made me realize that some of us aren’t necessarily bad leaders, or toxic friends or family either. Maybe the reality is that some of us probably aren’t even the socially awkward introverts we’ve allowed ourselves to be labeled as. MAYBE, just maybe it’s like me and the plants I used to buy that never seemed to survive living with me. Maybe we are constantly trying to bring home the kind of plants that we like, but we don’t know how to keep alive. Maybe the plants we’re attracted to need entirely too much attention for us to handle!!!!!

Let’s be real, some of these people we are trying to live with, hang out with, do business with and make important decisions with are people who need entirely too much attention. It’s possible, that even today some of you are drained and emotionally exhausted because with all your good intentions you are trying to water plants that are almost always THIRSTY!

People who always need you to encourage them, help them, give them a ride, give them a word,….they need too much!!!! Is it really your job to always be watering people who you just offered your strength to? You find yourself running back to people you just assisted thinking “how in the world are you needing to be watered again? I just watered you yesterday!” There is nothing worse than a thirsty, attention seeking person in your life who needs you to always be the one to keep them alive, motivated and going on. It’s not normal for people to expect you to always keep them alive, but some of you are there today and I come to tell you–stop watering people who don’t ever seem to be satisfied. You’ll end up frustrated and bitter or even worse, without anything to sustain your next set of instructions for promotion. It’s true! You’ve got to stop letting people who zap the life out of you in your house or intimate space, even your plans. Even when you consider some of the dreams you have. They may be for you later. Don’t start a project you can’t finish without counting the cost first. That’s biblical wisdom! I believe there are great things ahead for us all, but we can’t go somewhere expecting things to happen for us without putting together a strategy first. We don’t want to bring something alive home and let it die because we ran out of resources to feed it.

When it comes to those of us who are going places in life, there is no way we can get to our next level when we are continually overextended and unable to water what’s within our sphere of responsibility. Don’t bring so many living things in your house that you get too distracted to give them all the attention they need either. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to grow and build our dreams or even to help water and grow other people around you. That’s actually a great thing. You’ve just got to start surrounding yourself with the kind of people and plans who don’t require so much from you.

My succulents are amazing plants because they hold the water I give them inside of their leaves!

Isn’t it awesome to know that there are some people who are the same way? Some people have taken the time to do some inner work and store up what they need for their own take off so they don’t have to look outwardly for what they should have stored up within.

There are some people who expect their spouses, friends and family to constantly give them hope, peace, security and happiness but that’s not the responsibility of anyone outside of you. When people water you, be grateful and store it up. Don’t be entitled! Give them at least 14 days before you ask for more water. Soak up the light around you and sustain yourself as often as you can. This is low maintenance and makes it a lot easier for people who care for you to actually care for you. Let’s be real, we all have a responsibility to keep our leaves full and when someone comes by to water us, we are grateful not entitled. I pray you find ways to keep your heart and mind in the right posture so your elevation and your next level is not dependent on anyone outside of you watering you and keeping you alive.

Copyright ©️ 2019 Sherry Grant

#threalestlifecoach #goingplaces #succulents #plants #traveltips #people #mindsets #destination #attention #seekers #water #responsibility #grateful

You ever notice on this flight called life that we are on, some people are very messy, sneaky and seem to love to keep drama going? I sit and wonder sometimes how much these interesting individuals could accomplish if they considered using their creativity for something that’s actually productive for once in their life. But no, that would be too much like right. I am seriously becoming more and more aware that some of these people we are traveling with y’all,….. they are extremely toxic. I’m not talking about how we all make mistakes. Even how all of us have been guilty of being a bad friend or family member. I’m not talking about the reality that we are guilty of mishandling people we love (unintentionally) but yet we have enough God in us to apologize. I’m not even talking about how we all have found ourselves at one time or another saying too much or not speaking up on an important matter when we should have. I’m not talking about those times we knew we were wrong and put our best effort into correcting our own toxicity.

I’m talking about people who love to stir the pot and create chaos and confusion. People who love to lie, backstab, deceive, play games, talk crap about people, all while playing both sides and orchestrating elaborate drama. People like this get on my last nerve.

I have, even as of lately become very guarded with people who I have once shared my heart, my frustrations and even challenges with. Those who have given me concrete evidence that I need to just go ahead and withdraw my trust from them as a confidant. Sure, I still very openly discuss situations that frustrate me, but I have enough wisdom to leave out the details and specifics for obvious reasons. My intent even in my blog is never to embarrass, judge or humiliate anyone who’s disappointed me. I don’t write because I’m mad or need to send out subliminal messages. I write truth from my perspective because I know I’m not the only one.

Anyone who knows me knows I confront regularly and speak transparently with people I value, and when you show me you’re not respecting me at all I let go and stop offering my revelation. Jesus even said in one of his parables “Don’t cast your pearls before swine, all they’ll do is trample on them.” Long story short, I never force myself and what I have to offer on anyone. The main theme and point of my posts and articles is to expose the poisonous agenda of those who get a kick out of and enjoy abusing people in a very sneaky covert way. I don’t like it. I also don’t respect those people who except those who have been mishandled and dishonored to just sit there and take it! That’s not the way you treat someone who’s been hurt and dishonored. When a person has been violated, dishonored and embarrassed, no one gets to tell them get over it! It’s not that easy, yet that’s what many of us have been told. Be a good Christian. Take the high road. Be a bigger person. All that sounds good, but instead of giving those who have been mishandled all this advice, how about you go and stand up for the wounded? Why not go give some advice to the people you know who are going around constantly hurting people and causing confusion? Why do so many people love protecting abusers!? I would love it if the supposed righteous people who have so much wisdom for those who have been hurt, to take all their ranting and preaching and go tell the people who destroy people’s lives, families and reputations that they need to acknowledge the atrocity on their part!!!!!! No, but that would be too much like right.

It’s sneaky abuse when no one wants to address it. When a person knows what they’ve done and are doing and yet they are always being protected by the good ole boys club aka the system, that’s wrong. When we know what’s been done to someone is atrocious and pretend it’s not,….we are just as guilty. What makes people keep this narrative going where they pretend they’re not aware that their actions are creating confusion and turmoil? When people even show up at jobs, churches, events and know their motives are not good, and everyone sits around pretending they don’t know. It’s so sad. When people come with all kinds of wicked agendas and everyone plays dumb. I think it’s time we stop this. People have become so used to being deceptive, when they know good and well they’re not right. Drama! Something has got to change in our core. This is the kind of crap we do and wonder why our society is so warped.

Have you ever had a teacher, family member, so called friend, leader, follower, flight attendant or waitress that was purposely trying to upset you? They’ll do things that they know are out of bounds and when you respond, they’ll pretend you’re the problem. I see this all the time. As a leader, certain protocols and ways of handling things have been communicated, then the psychological abuser (cause that’s what they are) will stand up and do the very thing you’ve asked them not to do and then they will slowly look over at you to see your reaction. It’s pathetic. To think frustrating others is fun! It’s obvious that some people are rotten to the core and seem to have no limit to the depths they’ll go for attention.

As the holidays approach, you’ll see this in families. People will push your buttons and know full well what they’re saying or doing is upsetting to person they’re trying to manipulate. This is a great opportunity for you to decide how much access you’ll continue to give these emotional abusers in your life. I know, it might seem normal to want to excuse the emotional abuse of people in your life who constantly try to get a rise out of you, but it is what it is. A person who will constantly feel empowered to ignore your cries for basic respect and common decency is someone who has manipulated you into putting up with their psychological abuse. It’s not a healthy relationship. Some emotional abusers may be very helpful in some ways to you. Some may be loyal to you. Some will faithfully stay in your life and even do some things that seem nice on your behalf, but their kind deeds are often part of their act. It’s all part of their facade and game to manipulate you, and often is the reason they feel justified in disregarding your boundaries. What are you going to do anyway? You need them. Well, at least that’s what they believe in their mind and the longer you put up with their control the longer you make this true.

Wake up! Stop allowing messed up people to mess with your head. Sadly, they won’t have a hard time finding someone else to emotionally play around with and dishonor when you put an end to their crap. They will sometimes even back away for awhile and let you alone only to return later to see if they can weasel their manipulative tentacles around you again. This flight we’re on requires you to understand your power and you need to be free to fly as high as you can. Refuse to tolerate toxic abusers even if they try to act like they’re innocent. Don’t fall for it. Don’t allow fear of their reaction to keep you powerless either. They’re banking on you saying nothing to them. They love keeping you confused and in a state of conflict when it comes to your emotions. There comes a point when you see a person for who they are. Not unredeemable, just not your job to redeem. INSERT STRONG PREACH!

The real question is, who’s job is it to redeem them? Is it really your job to control another person and help them see their life from the right perspective? No ma’am. No sir. It’s a slippery slope when we keep trying to rehabilitate demons. People who only want to keep stuff going in a negative way in your family, on your job at church,…. they will have to deal with their consequences of their decisions. The principle of sowing and reaping is at work. Some call it Karma. What goes around comes back around. Every dog has it’s day. You get my drift. Stop enabling them to be the monster they are. If you happen to look around and see yourself always ignoring and tolerating people who play games and mess with your peace, maybe you need to address what’s making you entertain such toxicity. If you believe you are Mother Teresa or some prophet from God who’s called to save people from themselves, I hope you’re really sure of that call. Study the toll it takes on those of us who sign up to be public servants. It’s not for people who don’t know how to practice self care and set boundaries. This thing will eat you alive if you aren’t careful. In the meantime, practice some serious self care. This calling of helping the lost and rejected is not for the faint of heart. Just make sure you’re not doing a job that’s above your pay grade. Many a people have lost their minds trying to help someone else find theirs. Make sure that’s not you. Save yourself first. Look out for your own emotional, physical, financial, and spiritual well being before you try to save the world. Even on the plane they announce “In case of an emergency, put your oxygen mask on first.” Make sure you can breathe before you try to help someone else get their breath. It’s rough out here these days and people will play you for a fool, especially if you carry yourself like one.

Copyright ©️ 2019 Sherry Grant

#therealestlifecoach #goingplaces #takeoff #travel #people #mindset #mentality #saveyourself #manipulators #emotionalabuse #wakeup #playingdumb #playinggames #peopleknowwhattheyredoing #youknowbetter #blog #blogger #dmvblogger #baltimoreblogger #mdblogger #destinationblogger #traveltips #flighttips #itssneakyabusewhennoonewantstoaddressit

My husband told me about some airline that was offering $25 flights. Immediately, I thought NO THANKS! I’m not getting on any airline that thinks so little of themselves. See, I still believe that you get what you pay for. In other words, anyone offering to take me somewhere with such little standard for carrying me there is someone I have a hard time trusting. This got me to thinking about what it says when we are willing to carry people with such little demand from them. Ask who in your life are you carrying for nothing? People have relationships where they are doing everything and the people in it, showing no gratitude for all thats being done for them to be on board. I don’t know if it comes from desperation, low self esteem or fear of being alone, but it takes a pathetic perspective regarding your own worth to let people attach themselves to you for little to nothing. How can you allow people to be so involved in your life who bring nothing to the table?

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying people have to pay to be in your life, but they sure do have to add some sort of value to be around and close to me and the same goes for me. I don’t expect people to do things for me and it be lopsided. Anyone who’s just hanging around you for nothing and not offering anything in return is not someone you need to keep carrying. That’s not at all good for your mental health. Even the idea that you can throw $25 at me and think I’m going to help you get to your next destination is an actual insult if you asked me.

Makes me wonder how much more we should demand from the people who we are connected to? Is it enough for people to come around you and suck up all your positivity and inspiration and then throw $25 at you? I noticed how people will pay more to fill their belly with food than they will for wisdom or information that could unlock their future. Insert praise break! Those are the kind of people you can’t afford to carry into your next season. People who would rather dole out money to support causes and individuals who don’t do all that you do for them are people who don’t value you. There I said it! It’s true. Ya’ll still friends with people that come to your parties and celebrations and give you naked cards? They will be the same ones who go to their co workers and people they’re trying to impress and give them good gifts. RIDICULOUS! Whether they smile and cheese all up in your face and pretend to appreciate you, there is not enough smiling and thanking me in the world! I would much rather surround myself with people who don’t have a problem paying me for my gift! And no, it’s not that I’m always looking for money, but I need money more than I do people complimenting me and grinning all up in my face. I need to be compensated more than I do people saying a bunch of kind, flattering words to me. Save the flattery and pay me. When was the last time your boss and his or her kind words paid your bills?

See, you’ve got to stop letting people manipulate you when it comes to all you offer them, because that’s what it is. There are people who didn’t have nervous breakdowns because I was there for them and no I’m not throwing what I do for people in their face, I’m saying you don’t get to manipulate me into being a “good person” when it comes to what I offer you as much as you can get your job to work for them for free on the principle of being nice and kind. I refuse to let people play games with me and devalue me and think $25, or whatever they make no effort to give me is enough. The same way you pay for that steak dinner and tip the waiter at Ruth Chris, you need to compensate those people who’ve blessed your life in a way that goes far beyond making your belly feel good at dinner. There are people who made it through rough seasons of their life because I was available for them and God used me to be a vessel to encourage them and minister to them. Those same jokers will run and pay for concert tickets, trips, cars, dinners, clothes and shoes that cost plenty, then walk up to me and fold up a few dollars and say how much they appreciate me. Thank me in more than your prayers and words. I’m not giving out $25 flights to people in 2020. I’m demanding that the people who take flight because of what I offer them, place a corresponding value that’s tangible and not a bunch of hot air and flowery words to match.

I was just talking to someone yesterday and said to them that it’s amazing how so many people can only value people when they don’t need them anymore. Clothing designers give Millionaire celebrities couture fashions to wear for free. Of course, their motives aren’t necessarily pure. They obviously expect other to people see the celebrity wearing their fashions and go buy them too. The point is, I’m sure all the free stuff celebrities get now, they probably wished they got when they needed it the most. It ought not be that people around you are in need and struggling, especially when they fed you in your time of need. And hear me clear, this is not to be done out of fear or obligation or pressure. Giving is a heart thing. If you don’t have a heart to give you will always justify taking. In this season of gratitude, make a decision to place more value on the people who add substance in your life than you ever have. Deal with whatever jealousy or envy you have in your heart that keeps you from blessing those who’ve been a major blessing to you. Don’t hold back because you think they have enough or you don’t think they need anything more than what they have. Do people have to be on the verge of losing everything for you to say thank you? What does it take for you to actually be generous? Hopefully not helping them when it’s too late. Hopefully not saying they had so much potential while you stand over their coffin. There’s an ole saying “Give me my flowers while I can smell them!” Also, it’s just nice to be nice.

$25 is a decent tip, but the way some people have helped you get to your next level deserves more that! If you continue to treat the gifts in your life like they’re insignificant and unworthy of more than peanuts, shame on you. You need to do some real soul searching. No one should have to beg you to get to the place where you finally put a proper value on what certain people bring into your life. As a good wife, I don’t expect anything but to be treated like one by my husband. I have given over 30 years of my life to this call. I have taken everything my husband has given me and made it better. He gave me a house, I made it a home. He gave me a seed, I put my dreams aside and took time and taught nurtured our phenomenal children. He’s given me his heart, I’ve treated it with care and love. So I’m not surprised when he blesses me! I actually believe I deserve it!

Some of you are super frustrated today because you’re constantly giving big time to people who treat you like trash. Stop giving people like that access to you. You deserve more. Up your prices today. Place a demand on what you offer to the earth today. If you’re ready to start your business, don’t give out discounts. Charge what you are worth.

Those of you leading and developing teams, don’t allow people to stay on your team who want to treat your vision like it’s not worthwhile and important. Let them go somewhere else and be dishonorable. That devaluing spirit can spread like cancer through a vision with a lot of potential. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. Just because you don’t pay them money, doesn’t mean being on your team is not adding value to their life. They know they’re better because of your influence and wisdom. They know their reputation has gotten better being on your team. Don’t take people’s scraps because you think that’s all you can get. Up your esteem and realize you’re worth more. You don’t have to beg anyone to see your vision. You don’t need those people in your corner when they show you they really aren’t. Take out the trash before you go into 2020. Some people won’t ever value another man or woman’s vision because their hearts are hateful and ungrateful. Today is a great day for you to raise your standards. Don’t worry about who you lose. Sometimes you’ve got to cut off dead ends to see growth. Take your worth off the bargain rack and start believing in your elevation and watch others be drawn to you that believe in you too!

Copyright ©️Sherry Grant 2019

#therealestlifecoach #traveltips # grateful #vision #goingplaces #takeoff #people #destination #worth # value #mentality #mindset #blog #blogger #ruthchris #steakdinner #trips #money #cars #valuable #important

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but it’s time to get serious. I’m not kidding. You really need to stop playing around with your life. Stop playing games. I’m truly amazed at the amount of time adults sit around playing games. Being childish and petty. It’s time to change. Your ascent and take off have been on hold for too long being an adult infant. You’ve been procrastinating and making excuses for way too long to keep this up. You even surround yourself with people who enable you to be a game player. You’re a full fledge half stepper. So sad. You repeatedly raise your standard and then lower it. Raise it and lower it. All depends on the company you keep. I see people who act as if they really want to go somewhere great in my company or the company of other serious minded people and they’ll play like they’re serious about their take off. But as soon as they get back with their town folk, they get right back to their usual antics and game playing. It’s really not a good look and proves how confused some folk are about their own lives. This is why the next time you get pumped up and excited about the possibilities in front of you, don’t let some hater or dream killer come and discourage you.

I’ve noticed lately how easy it is for the people we allow around us to be agents of discouragement. Haters, do this. They want to see you do well. Just not better than them. When did this become a competition anyway!?

I can’t even lie, I have come to the conclusion that a lot of these jokers know what they’re doing. They’re not innocently doing what they do. They just don’t have the capacity or even heart or soul to help anyone get to their next level. That’s how messed up jealous people are. That’s why this whole idea of going somewhere great has to be a personal decision for you and I. We can’t keep looking for people to be ready to support our elevation. We’ve got to work extra hard to support our own ascension. Most of the people who pretend to be in our corner are not and will show you by putting very little effort into your plans, goals and dreams.

I’ve even come to grips with the harsh reality that some people are only around you because you’re helping to inspire them and help them see their potential. That’s what your faith does for others. You’re giving them courage within to face their demons and go for the impossible. You’re a real living example of someone who’s courageous enough to try. But when it comes to this unified idea of them really being with you to see you take off, let me sober you and say they’re not really trying to help. Notice how unenthusiastic they are when you try to move forward. Notice how they hide their hands when you need help. The very ones around you who claim to be with you, will do all they can to show you they’re not really with you. So sad to tell you it’s because of those very reasons you don’t want to believe but you know in your heart. Just deal with it.

I am learning to not be offended by the fact that some people only want to get close to you to see how you do what you do. Not everyone, but a great deal of people who aren’t serious about their purpose yet, will attach themselves to people who are focused and their motives will become clear as they walk with you. Don’t ignore it when people show you what they’re with you for. Apostle Stevenson calls them clout chasers. People who want to ride your coat tails to be associated with you but don’t actually have any intention on being honorable.

In the meantime, they’ll try to glean from you and take shortcuts to get to places that took you years to get to. They’ll make themselves available to “support” you when it benefits them all the while patterning their ascent off of you. Some of these people have never thought to go places and dream as big as they have until they’ve gotten close to you. That’s fine tho. You’re not a hater like they are. Let them live! Just don’t do what I’ve done in the past and that’s make them out to be more than they are.

So here’s my advice. Don’t keep giving pretenders and disingenuous people a place in your heart like they’re your family or a genuine friend. See, if I had a dollar for every person I treated like family or a bonafide friend I’d be filthy rich. These people will get close to you and when they get all the goody out of you and you’re no longer needed, Boom. They disappear. Some of these people on this flight called life actually really suck. Even the ones you develop some real love for. My main objective is not be one of those kinds of messed up people. I want to remain a genuine blessing in the lives of people I connect with. I want to give my all when it comes to whatever I put my hands to do.

I don’t ever want to be the kind of crappy person to do a sloppy job “helping” someone else and then when I do my stuff it’s excellent. I don’t ever want it to be said that I enhanced something for someone else just to make myself look noble and good. You know some people make it so obvious. If they’re going to be out front, they make sure it’s a success. But if they’re not going to be headlining, they sit back and pray and wait for things to fall apart. Yea. Some people actually suck, just refuse to be one of them. Look at the people you’re supposed to be connected to and ask yourself how you’re doing when it comes to your execution. You know whether you’re handling their stuff with care or not. Don’t try to rationalize being trifling. There’s no excuse.

This flight called life is full of all kinds of people. The ones who think they’re fooling you. I personally can’t stand people who think I’m stupid. The ones who give off this false humility vibe and fake like they’re sincere. Although I have learned to humor the “pretenders” in my life, on the inside it’s detestable. I know the real ones around me who want to see things go to the next level and help me to get there.

My prayer is that you stop aiding people in their foolishness. I want you to be sober and accept people for who they are. There are literally three categories; sheep, goats and wolves. You know the character of each one and need to start handling these personality types accordingly. Watch out when it comes to the characters around you. Some people even want to be you. They want to gather a following while playing like they’re showing you honor and loyalty. Once you start seeing the heart of people, you’ll never confuse those who want to help you soar with those who have another agenda again.

A word of wisdom to those who seem to think they’re getting over on someone by barely doing anything to actually improve things; grow up. It’s time to get serious with your life. Playing with other people’s lives is a sign you’re not well and there’s no way God’s going to bless your mess.

Copyright ©️ Sherry Grant 2019

#therealestlifecoach #goingplaces #traveltips #takeoff #flying #destination #sheep #goats #wolves #pretenders #getserious #serious #games #playing #childish #haters #mess #mindset #mentality #soar #agendas #revealed

Save your breath when you keep trying to help people take off in life and they start treating you different. You know when you’re being dissed because you’re not going along with the status quo anymore and you’re actually telling people the real deal. That’s when people want to act all funny with you. It’s called reverse psychology when people try to make you feel bad for calling them on their crap. It’s a great way to see what kind of person you’re dealing with when telling them the truth makes them stop wanting to be around you. See, when a person genuinely wants to grow and go somewhere better in life, they will do whatever they have to do to see radical change take place. When they don’t, they’ll try to make it seem like you hurt their feelings or you did something wrong. There are some seriously manipulative people out here! These streets aren’t safe. You can’t be friends with people these days anymore when you speak up and say naw, that’s not cool. They will literally start trying to give you the cold shoulder and limit their access to you when you cross them and tell them they’re responsible for all their problems. They will start to deal with you like you’re a bad person instead of addressing their stuff.

I’ve noticed that a lot of people are actually in love with their toxic life. I was watching this show about people with strange addictions and the lady on it was addicted to eating mattresses. Even though she knew it was not a healthy move, she couldn’t stop. She had eaten a total of eight mattresses and was now sneaking in her Mom’s bedroom to eat hers too. This blew me away and I saw it as such a dramatic illustration on how faulty thinking can get so out of control. When you get to the place where you can’t stop doing the very things that are destroying you, that’s when you need a friend that will hold you accountable. But that’s too much for people who love their toxic life.

When you love your toxic life you make enemies out of people who try to warn you that you’re headed down a dangerous path. Even this lady who couldn’t stop eating mattresses had a brother who was genuinely there for her. He was constantly trying to get her to stop but she wouldn’t listen. She wouldn’t get any help. He said he felt completely helpless watching his sister destroy her insides consuming all these mattresses. He went onto say that he knows it’s only a matter of time before the effects of his sister’s strange addiction would be catastrophic. He didn’t want to see things end bad for his loved one, but what more could he do?

Many of you are at the same place as this brother today. You want people that you love to stop taking in and taking on things that are detrimental to their well being. But let’s be honest, you can’t control anyone but yourself. When we start talking about making someone else stop doing what they love doing- we are probably setting ourselves up for a lot of heartache and frustration. The bottom line is – YOU CANNOT MAKE ANYONE CHANGE THEIR MIND! If people you love want to destroy themselves, as much as you want to nag, scream, preach and cry; they will not change until they want to. In the meantime, if you’re aiding them in their dysfunction, you’re part of the problem too. If there’s someone you think you’re so responsible for and they don’t listen to any wisdom or sound advice, stop 🛑. Stop helping. Stop talking. Stop giving. Move out of the way so they can come to themselves.

In the meantime, find a sense of purpose for your life outside of your dysfunctional family or friends. Get a hobby. Volunteer somewhere and make a difference. Find something to do with your time other than trying to fix someone who enjoys being broken. Leave delusional people alone with their lies and let them figure it out. After you’ve talked and talked yourself until you’re blue in the face, Try this. “Oh, so you think doing that is normal?” Ask them if they really want to handle the consequences of living such a reckless life? And if you see them continuing in their destructive behavior, back away and MIND YOUR BUSINESS.

It’s not your job to manage the life of another person anyway. I have three children, two are adults and one is 17. I have no say over what they do and how they live. They make their own choices and even the 17 year old knows we don’t make her do anything. She has to decide her path. We are only here to support her and offer wisdom, not force it down her throat. Some people think they’re supposed to force their views on others. They think well, that’s my family. But family doesn’t mean ownership. You actually don’t own anyone but yourself. Slavery is illegal. But if you’re in a cult family, you probably think everyone owns each other. What’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine. There’s no self definition and what’s worse, NO RESPECT FOR INDIVIDUALITY.

If everyone in your family needs to do what you or the cult family leader says, that’s a toxic system. Cult families control people so much that many of them end up finding themselves addicted. Addiction ends up being the only way to cope with the unhealthy system of control. Why should people have to check in with someone at the “top” for approval if they’re free? A lot of cult- ish families are over close to the point of it being weird, almost like there is some kind of emotional incest or actual incest. This is not good for someone who says their going places. It’s also not good for your mental health to be so fused with other people where there is no individuality or authenticity from you. When people only believe what their mother and father taught them to believe, something is not normal about that. Where’s your brain? When do you think for yourself? When do you live your life? It’s possible that you could be strangely addicted to your family of origin. That’s what codependency is. It’s the abnormal need for approval from another source to the point of addiction.

Break away from obligatory attachments, set some boundaries, decide what you want your life to look like and articulate it. Then look around and see who’s still there. Refuse to sit there and watch people destroy their lives. Make a decision that your peace and sanity is not up for debate. You have the potential and gifting to go somewhere amazing, but the only way to do that is to challenge your faulty thinking, commit to some healthy friendships and do the work to see a better life. You need support to take off in life and that’s why you can’t afford to sit around and watch people carry on with their strange addictions. That’s not good for you to keep seeing. If people want to be weird leave them alone to do it. You have a great future ahead of you and you can’t allow their abnormal thinking to make you think this stuff is normal. Some of these people you’re entangled with are messed up. Not that they can’t be saved, but let’s be real; do they want to? Be honest. They’re not even trying to get their lives on track and so now you have to ask yourself is your always being available for them actually helping enable them?

This year is almost over. Get your priorities in order. Move forward with your life and refuse to wait for people who want to be weird to catch up.

Copyright ©️ Sherry Grant 2019

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I want to take off too! Most of us are really hoping and praying and working to see our lives move forward to our highest potential! But let’s be honest, we can’t accomplish this and go anywhere amazing if we don’t get real and honest with ourselves and others around us. This is where I’m currently at and it’s not always going to be received well. I get that. So, my dream to keep elevating is more important to me than making complacent people comfortable in their cess pool of pretending. I believe that one of the most dysfunctional ways we have been conditioned to handle other people’s bad behavior in this cult- ure is to act like it doesn’t exist. We have been taught to pretend we don’t know things when we see them. We have been programmed to act as if what’s dead wrong is all good as long as we smile and keep acting. Personally, I can’t.

A lot of people on this flight called life have actually deluded themselves into believing being “the (supposed) bigger person,” and “letting your light shine” (which is a gross misapplication of scripture when taken out of context) is the way to win against evil. Think about how ridiculous that really is and how opposite it is from what Jesus, the prophets and those who stood as Biblical heroes handled misconduct. The whole idea that people should just get over it is also NOT at all very moral or characteristic of someone with actual real integrity who’s healing and growing up. The way I see it is, if there’s a dark space in your home that’s been neglected and taken over by rodents, insects and darkness; would a person in their right mind say “No, I’m just going to go ahead and love that room unconditionally and require no improvement or change!” Would a sensible person say it’s ok for you to be the only room in this house full of chaos and we will all deal with whatever comes along with you staying the same way you’ve always been. “You stay dirty while we all ignore it!” Of course not, you would go in there with your light and expose the parts that have been the way they’ve been for so long to provoke change. You would go in with brooms and mops and cleaning supplies and work on that space because you demand to live in an atmosphere that’s conducive for you to feel safe and at home. Yet, the way some of us have convinced ourselves on how to handle toxic people and crappy situations blows my mind.

If there’s something going on around you that’s interfering with your joy and peace; aren’t you going to fix it? If you’re really going places in life you can’t ignore things forever. You’ve got to be sober and realistic because things are not just going to work out on their own in most cases. On the contrary, like the dark room overrun with mice and roaches, it’s going to get worse and spread into other areas of your life if you don’t do something to transform it. Transformation takes a radical strategic plan and aggressive approach. You can’t sit back and except things to just happen with little to no effort.

No use in trying to compartmentalize the drama in your life and avoid cleaning it up. It’s still not going anywhere until you address it. Ignoring your stuff is not a responsible way to handle your take off! I would even venture to say, unchecked trauma will come back and take away from everything you’re working for! My advice today is simple for my real life coachable friends. Deal with the crap that you have control over. Don’t keep allowing this passive mentality to keep you from taking charge over what’s directly effecting you. Don’t think you can rest and just sit back and pretend pray about whatever it is that’s dark in your life when you have the authority to get your life on the path you want be on. It’s not anyone else’s job to confront the darkness in your life. You decide what you’re ok with and what you’re not ok with and then keep it moving. Keep going. Don’t allow people to shame you for speaking your truth. That’s a classic technique of those with the cultish mindset. They’ll try to mock you and make fun of you for addressing things that vex you. They’ll paint a picture about you that says you’re the problem because you’re speaking up. They’ll label you as mean, harsh and unkind. They’ll make it seem like you’re difficult for wanting to deal with the dysfunctional mess you see and the toxic ways you’ve been handled. Don’t let their gaslighting hinder you from getting your healing. You don’t have to pretend you’re ok with anything crappy that’s happened in your life and you don’t have to swallow whatever crap they hope to shove in your face for you to accept.

I tell the crappy people who want me to prove that I’m a good person to them, jump in a lake. I’m not obligated to accept anything that disrespects me or devalues my value or worth. Try that on some weak minded person, not me. Tell the messy people who have so many opinions about your life to go away. Tell them that just because they don’t love themselves it doesn’t mean you have to accept the drama and foolery they put up with. If they choose to tolerate mess, that’s fine for them. Don’t let people manipulate you into bottling up your emotions for their comfort. Sometimes speaking the truth makes those living a lie feel some kind of way. Not my problem. I’m determined to go somewhere great! This means I have to free myself of anything that’s sent to weigh me down. For me, being fake and pretending to be something I’m not is not helpful for my ascent nor a way to honor my authentic voice. I have something to say and the things I’ve gone through are not open to be edited by people who love pretending they don’t have a truth either. Sorry that your real experiences don’t match your fake persona. Get well.

Love, The Realest Life Coach

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