Fall is probably my favorite season of them all! It’s a Take Off kinda of time in life for me every year! I always feel especially excited and extra grateful during this season. I usually reflect on the year a lot but even more around this time. I take my victories in and smile and even honor the fact that I didn’t give up. That I didn’t let discouragement stop me from trying. I intentionally celebrate my wins, my accomplishments and honor the efforts I made, even the ones that didn’t exactly work out the way I had hoped. I celebrate my failures too because it takes courage to keep trying after what seems to be a failed attempt. I think it’s also an important time of year where I purposely evaluate my relationships. I think about who’s been there for me and do what I can to honor them. I make it a point to almost fight my friends and family when it comes to paying for dinner or lunch. I always want to be able to tangibly bless those who are a blessing to me, even in the small way of feeding them. I consider during this season those who I’ve made sincere attempts to support and be there for. I ask was this a good investment of my time and wisdom? I never want to be naive or wasteful with the resource that I consider myself to be. That’s not being boastful or cocky. It’s true. I am a good friend and realize I deserve that back from people. I consider my presence valuable and anyone who doesn’t share that sentiment, I with nothing but love (self love) withdraw myself from being as accessible in their life. I never want to sweep the obvious under the rug. Especially when it comes to those people in my life who repeatedly ghost me in my greatest time of need. Let me explain.
First of all, I’m not at all what you would consider to be a needy person. On the contrary, I’m pretty independent to the point where some people are often offended by my individuality and independence! Back to my point. When a person ghost you, it means they disappear on you. They withdraw. They become distant and vanish. If you consider the intent behind it, it becomes even more of an issue of integrity and if you’re going somewhere great, this ghosting some people do on you deserves you doing some further investigation into the reason why they’re doing it.
When I was talking to my therapist the other day I brought this whole “ghosting” subject up to her. I told her I’m starting to feel some kind of way by people who say they’re with me and “for me” ghosting me. She calmly looked at me and said “Sherry, I know you well enough to know that anyone in your life who’s ghosting you lately is clearly afraid of you and your growth and your intentionality to be a more authentic you!” She went on to say that my security in who I am can be intimidating and that’s why people that seemed like they understood me are disappearing. They’re ghosting me because I’m getting more comfortable in my skin and that’s scaring them. I was literally sitting there shocked, but I also knew she was spot on right. Maybe the truth is I didn’t want to accept the harsh reality that my growth is frightening to some people.
It made me think how so many people are content with a version of you and I where we are needy and insecure. Where our identity is still in question. Where we are still looking for a crowd to affirm us. Where we look to certain people for their acceptance and validation. Could it be that some people felt good about themselves when we seemed afraid and lacked confidence when it came to our goals and speaking our truth? Think about how many people get their “rocks” off of thinking they are your source of support whether it’s, financial, emotional, physical, ….it’s crazy! To me supporting people should come from a genuine place. It shouldn’t make you feel like you’re making someone when you support them. Support should be intended to help build someone else, not your self esteem. But some people only support you because they think no one else will. They soothe their sick minds by thinking “I’m the only one helping them!” That is until they see other people jumping on board and being a blessing to you. Then they get offended by the fact that your support system is expanding. And that’s when they GHOST YOU!
See, some of these people you been surrounded by like the version of you that’s not getting stronger or better. They like you not having your act together or having people who actually believe in you around you. They like that because they identify with it. You know the old saying “misery loves company.” But as soon as you start going progressing and doing better, those same people take your advancement like it’s an insult. That’s why as soon as you go back to school, church, therapy, dating, enjoying your life or whatever it is where you were getting the strength you needed to pull yourself together,…they get scared and then ghost you.
Some people are scared of you not needing them anymore. They’re afraid of you becoming successful without their help. My advice to you is don’t waste another moment looking for people who ghosted you. Their ghosting you is not even about you anyway. It’s really about them and their feelings of inadequacy. Anyone who would ghost a friend or family member when they should be there cheering them on is not only scared but scary if you asked me. A person who doesn’t back the people they claim to love is someone going through some serious personal issues and instead of being angry with them and confused, let this article remind you that people are running from you because they’re afraid of what you represent. You represent resilience! You represent courage and faith! You represent confidence in the face of adversity and a inner bounce back that they can’t relate to. I’m proud of you. Keep going. Don’t let the people who ghost you get you spooked. If you’re an entrepreneur and your business is struggling and you expected support from people who are ghosting you, get your focus back and realize your vision is not contingent upon people who are afraid of your potential. Go forward anyway. Don’t let them stop you or distract you. Today is a great day. It’s a great season and even if you got ghosted by them, never let it discourage you or stop you from elevating and moving forward.
Copyright ©️ Sherry Grant 2019
#therealestlifecoach #goingplaces #ghosted #somepeopleareafraidofyou #blog #blogger #intimidatedbyyou #mentality #mindset #go #fly #destination #people #travel